DIARY OF A SHY BLACK WOMAN

My Anxiety Surfaces + Rest in Peace, Whitney Houston

2012-02-12T01:26:00.001-05:00

I've been missing countless days of work due to my anxieties. I have, also, not been to therapy for about 3 weeks. I can't bring myself to call my therapist to schedule another appointment. I wish he had a receptionist that I could leave a message with.

I will try to call tomorrow but truly hope I get his voicemail.

~~~

The passing of Whitney Houston is yet another reminder that we must live our lives to the fullest. I will keep fighting, in essence, for my life!

Rest in Peace, Whitney. Your music has healed me many times!

Dark Girls The new documentary from D. Channsin Berry 02/08 by Sandra Booker | Blog Talk Radio

2012-02-10T23:01:00.001-05:00

Dark Girls The new documentary from D. Channsin Berry 02/08 by Sandra Booker Blog Talk Radio

Listen to internet radio with Sandra Booker on Blog Talk Radio

Woman confronts social phobia; meets 292 Facebook friends

2012-02-10T22:31:00.000-05:00

Life In A Day

2012-01-12T13:48:00.000-05:00

Conversing

2011-12-30T15:48:00.000-05:00

I've had social anxiety since I was a little girl. Now as a woman in her 30's, I have a fraction of the communication skills that people my age have.

What can I do to catch up?

Communication, like any skill...like any art, is perfected over time through repetition and practice. I did not get years of practice and I am horrible at it.

If I overcome my anxieties, how will I ever be a great communicator?

Ghost Town

2011-12-30T15:44:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting here at my cubicle at work and there are only about 3 or 4 people in the office today. It's Friday and we're still in the holiday season, so this is expected. I usually have loads of work to do but I guess all my client's are not in their offices as well. Slow day to say the least.

My older brother came in today from South Carolina. He's visiting for a week. I haven't seen him yet. I'm nervous - even with my own brother. I hope this week goes well and it's not too heavy for me as far as my anxiety goes.

I am off on Monday and I just want to enjoy the time off rather than agonizing over social situations.

Therapy is going. Some days its an obvious amazing session and other days, I feel like my therapists probably thinks badly of me. HOWEVER, we are working on this...not specifically what I think he thinks of me BUT how I think everyone thinks of me. My thoughts and how they impact my anxiety.

My employer recently changed insurance providers, which kick in on Jan. 1st, so I have to cut down my therapy to every other week rather than every week. The new insurance would now make my therapist out of network and I have to pay more out of pocket!!

Until then...
DOASBW

P.S. If you visit http://www.diaryofashyblackwoman.org/ and you can't see my site, go to http://www.diaryofashyblackwoman.blogspot.com/ and it will work!

Therapy - 5th month...My advice to YOU

2011-11-22T17:30:00.000-05:00

I want to offer advice to those who are in therapy and feel discouraged because they are not seein extreme results yet.

My advice is DON"T STOP. KEEP GOING to therapy! You will not see results overnight. You will not see extreme results in months BUT it's working.

How long did it take you to become socially anxious? YEARS. So why do you think therapy is an overnight fix?

You've been going through this for so long, so expect therapy to be WORK. You have to WORK at it.

KEEP GOING!

Mindy Kaling Has Social Anxiety and a Suggestion for Your Next Dinner Party

2011-11-10T18:17:00.000-05:00

Mindy Kaling Has Social Anxiety and a Suggestion for Your Next Dinner Party

Career Minded with Social Anxiety - 13 tips

2011-11-04T12:50:00.000-04:00

It's not logical to expect to snap out of your social anxiety today, this week, this month or by the New Year. It just doesn't work that way. So while you are seeking the resources to help you overcome this debilitating disorder, I have some tips to help you get by at work.

Just because you are painfully shy, that doesn't mean that you can't move up in your career. It doesn't mean that you have to "finish last".

You're probably at a point in your life where you feel hopeless about your situation. You want a quick fix and the idea that a magic pill does not exist makes you depressed. You probably think that I can't relate but trust me, I am YOU. I'm that person who is always labeled as "the quiet one". I have had so many situations in my life that have left me wondering "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS MY PROBLEM? WHY CAN'T I SNAP OUT OF THIS SOCIAL ANXIETY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?" I get YOU. I understand.

The best advice I can give you right now is:

1. Don't allow yourself to be down for too long. Seek out the things that keep you optimistic. Watch shows that motivate, listen to music that motivates, read books that motivate, read articles that motivate, visit websites that motivate...

2. Seek therapy

3. Create organized lists to reduce worries and reduce feeling overwhelmed. I like to use envelopes to create my lists rather than notepads. Each envelope will focus on one category.
• Category 1. Things you have to do this within the next 6 months

• Category 2. Places you want to go that are free/require money within the next 6 months

• Category 3. Things you want to buy that are under 100.00/over 100.00 withing the next 6 months

• Category 4. Things you want to do/buy/places you want to go later (in 6 months or more)

• Category 5. List your monthly bills, debts

4. Stretch in the morning and at night.

5. Massage yourself. Use one of those massagers to help get access to your back. Use your fingers to massage your face. Massage your feet, hands, arms, legs about once per week.

6. Download audiobooks about business, success, your field, social anxiety self-help, motivational books (fiction and nonfiction) and books about your other interests. Listen to this on your commute to and from work. I recommend Audiobooks.com.

7. Try to get to work about 15 minutes early so that you have time to settle and reduce anxiety. (Easier said than done…I know!!)

8. Keep chamomile tea at your desk.

9. Make your cubicle as functional and comfortable as possible for you. Have lotion, tissue, snacks, gum, water, charger, etc. close, neat and organized.

10. When you take a break, take a moment to breathe when you are alone, stretch, clear your mind (even if you have to do this in a stall in the restroom).

11. Find out if you can work out a day or 2 each month to work from home. Make sure your laptop or computer at home is set up for this.

12. Read up about your field and stay in the know about what is going on in that industry.

13. You can be a soft spoken or quiet leader in the meantime! Nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you are working on your anxiety and taking the steps to overcome. Everyone has some level of anxiety but yours is severe so it’s important to know it will not be an overnight success. You have to work at it!

13 tips for seeking out the RIGHT therapist for YOU!

2011-11-04T12:03:00.000-04:00

I've been in therapy since June. This month, November, my therapist and I are moving into CBT. I've read about CBT and also had a couple of sessions in the past but nothing can prepare you for this. You just have to do it.

I find CBT to be the ultimate in confrontation. You are confronting and dissecting your thoughts and challenging your behaviors. I highly recommend that you consult with a therapist if you have Social Anxiety issues. Seek out the right therapist for YOU before you commit to regular sessions. Therapy requires a serious commitment that can last months or even years, depending on the severity of your anxiety and the frequency and length of sessions.

My therapist is patient with me. This is crucial for those with social anxiety.

I've created a list of criteria to look for in your therapist and inputted some therapy tips:

1. Your therapist MUST have Patience.

2. Willing to learn from you, too. Although he/she is the professional, you are the EXPERT because YOU are the one who is living with social anxiety so it’s important that your therapist is learning about you and not ONLY going by the books.

3. Offers regular therapy followed by CBT. It is important to go through your life story before delving into CBT. If your therapist doesn't really know about you, how can he/she truly help you? I don't think this method is standard, so it's important to seek out a therapist who is willing to do this. Out of all the therapists that I've seen, my current therapist is the ONLY one that has done it this way.

4. Try to get a therapist (psychologist) who is also a psychiatrist so that you are seeing the same person for both medication and therapy. This helps as you don't have to feel anxious about seeing different doctors.

5. If you choose to combine medication and therapy, make sure you are PATIENT with the time it takes for the medication to start working. It could take months so don't give up too quickly and request something new. It is important that your therapist doesn't rush you into increased dosages and new medications, as well.

6. If you are more uncomfortable around men, challenge yourself and go with a male therapist. If you are more uncomfortable around women, challenge yourself and seek a female.

7. Try to go with a therapist that is around your age so that he/she gets your generation.

8. Race doesn't matter in a therapist but it's important that your therapist takes any issues you have (that are race-based) seriously. My therapist is not Black but I explained some of my experiences as a Black woman and he has been a great help so it depends on the therapist that is why I recommend you schedule a consultation FIRST.

9. Understand that there will be good sessions filled with breakthroughs and sessions that leave you feeling sad, hopeless, angry, discouraged, etc. The latter is not a bad thing, it is bringing feelings to the surface and your next sessions will help you work through your feelings.

10. If your therapist doesn't ask you how your week was, how are you doing today, how your medication is making you feel, etc., then it's time to seek someone else.

11. Jot down notes throughout the week of issues, feelings, so that you can bring up in later sessions.

12. Expect to have feelings for your therapist because it's almost like he/she is a close friend. Just remember it is a one-sided relationship as you don't know about his/her life. So keep it all in perspective and don't try to cross any lines b/c you just might lose a great therapist.

13. Remember: Mental health is just as important as physical health. Seeing a therapist does not mean you are crazy...it actually means you are very SANE and have the mind to get help and confront your 'demons'.

~

I find CBT to be the ultimate in confrontation. You are confronting and dissecting your thoughts and challenging your behaviors. I highly recommend that you consult with a therapist if you have Social Anxiety issues. Seek out the right therapist for YOU before you commit to regular sessions. Therapy requires a serious commitment that can last months or even years, depending on the severity of your anxiety and the frequency and length of sessions.

My therapist is patient with me. This is crucial for those with social anxiety.

I've created a list of criteria to look for in your therapist and inputted some therapy tips:

Your therapist MUST have Patience.
Willing to learn from you, too. Although he/she is the professional, you are the EXPERT because YOU are the one who is living with social anxiety so it’s important that your therapist is learning about you and not ONLY going by the books.
Offers regular therapy followed by CBT. It is important to go through your life story before delving into CBT. If your therapist doesn't really know about you, how can he/she truly help you? I don't think this method is standard, so it's important to seek out a therapist who is willing to do this. Out of all the therapists that I've seen, my current therapist is the ONLY one that has done it this way.
Try to get a therapist (psychologist) who is also a psychiatrist so that you are seeing the same person for both medication and therapy. This helps as you don't have to feel anxious about seeing different doctors.
If you choose to combine medication and therapy, make sure you are PATIENT with the time it takes for the medication to start working. It could take months so don't give up too quickly and request something new. It is important that your therapist doesn't rush you into increased dosages and new medications, as well.
If you are more uncomfortable around men, challenge yourself and go with a male therapist. If you are more uncomfortable around women, challenge yourself and seek a female.
Try to go with a therapist that is around your age so that he/she gets your generation.
Race doesn't matter in a therapist but it's important that your therapist takes any issues you have (that are race-based) seriously. My therapist is not Black but I explained some of my experiences as a Black woman and he has been a great help so it depends on the therapist that is why I recommend you schedule a consultation FIRST.
Understand that there will be good sessions filled with breakthroughs and sessions that leave you feeling sad, hopeless, angry, discouraged, etc. The latter is not a bad thing, it is bringing feelings to the surface and your next sessions will help you work through your feelings.
If your therapist doesn't ask you how your week was, how are you doing today, how your medication is making you feel, etc., then it's time to seek someone else.
Jot down notes throughout the week of issues, feelings, so that you can bring up in later sessions.
Expect to have feelings for your therapist because it's almost like he/she is a close friend. Just remember it is a one-sided relationship as you don't know about his/her life. So keep it all in perspective and don't try to cross any lines b/c you just might lose a great therapist.
Remember: Mental health is just as important as physical health. Seeing a therapist does not mean you are crazy...it actually means you are very SANE and have the mind to get help and confront your 'demons'.

As Per Our Conversation: Welcome

2011-11-04T02:35:00.000-04:00

As Per Our Conversation: Welcome: If you yearn to surround yourself with thought provoking and intelligent dialogue but lack this in your real life, this is the blog for you....

As Per Our Conversation: Toastmasters International

2011-11-04T02:34:00.000-04:00

As Per Our Conversation: Toastmasters International: Most Toastmasters meetings are comprised of approximately 20 people who meet weekly for an hour or two. Participants practice and learn skil...

CBT is not easy

2011-11-04T02:33:00.001-04:00

...but it's worth it.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

2011-10-25T21:33:00.000-04:00

I started CBT with my therapist today! CBT is said to be one of the most effective therapies for Social Anxiety Disorder. It targets the thoughts, first and foremost. It then shows you how the thoughts impact the behaviors and the behaviors further impact the thoughts...like a vicious cycle.

BUT, I learned that my employer is changing our health insurance provider so I am scared that this might impact my therapy! I hope this is not the case.

Taking the Panic out of Panic Attacks

2011-10-16T13:00:00.000-04:00

Huge Setback

2011-10-16T11:06:00.000-04:00

I didn't go to work on Tues, Wed, Thur and Friday because I was too anxious. I moved to a new cubicle and just feel overwhelmed. The new seating arrangement means I have to interact with new people on a regular basis PLUS I can no longer use the back entrance (which was easier for me).

Therapy: Update

2011-10-12T12:46:00.000-04:00

I've been in therapy since July. Lost count of the number of sessions but it's been 3 months. My therapist has been going over my life story and we're almost done. After that we will start Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

So far, so good.

Mental Health Week and Freedom From Fear

2011-10-12T12:37:00.000-04:00

Register for Mental Health Wellness Week
http://www.mhww.org/registration_host.html
http://www.mhww.org/aboutfreedomfromfear.html

Mental Health Wellness Week will take place from November 13-19, 2011. Mental Health Wellness Week provides national guidance and centralized resources to help organizations and individuals build awareness and implement programs in their own communities. Organizations and individuals can use the Mental Health Wellness materials in existing communications - such as newsletters, web sites and media outreach - encouraging employees/members/clients to participate. If you cannot organize and event, we ask that you consider distributing the printable fact sheets on the CD-ROM to family, friends and co-workers.
When you register for Mental Health Wellness Week, you can expect to:

•Receive a FREE CD-ROM that contains a planning and promotional guide, fliers, fact sheets and other reproducable materials about Mental Health Wellness
•Two full color Mental Health Wellness Week posters to show your support and help spread awareness for MHWW

•A package of Anxiety and Depression Awareness bookmarks to distribute at your event

•Link your Web site directly to the Mental Health Wellness Week site

•Distribute your material through Mental Health Wellness Week events

•The first 100 to register will receive a free copy of the award winning DVD, "The Pain of Depression, A Journey through the Darkness" written and produced by Mary Guardino, Founder and Executive Director of Freedom From Fear

Social Anxiety - Books 09/29 by PainfullyShy | Blog Talk Radio

2011-09-29T23:37:00.000-04:00

Social Anxiety - Books 09/29 by PainfullyShy | Blog Talk Radio

Therapy: Week 14 and 15

2011-09-21T23:45:00.001-04:00

Week 14 was a great session for me. Week 15 was as well but I felt stupid afterwards because I clammed up when my doctor asked me about a project that I've been working on and I felt like a bunch of jibberish came out my mouth. However, that is the point of therapy to expose myself and to work on it. However, I felt like my mind blanked out because I couldn't concentrate on the subject and my concentration was on my anxiety. This happens to me a lot in life so I'm kind of glad it happened in therapy because I can bring this up at my next session and figure out the root cause, etc.

I plan to blog more but I've been dealing with some other issues and have been tied up with other responsibilities. I haven't forgotten about you all and I have a lot of updates and ideas to throw your way.

I didn't get many donations for my documentary but there is still time left to donate. Depending on how this goes, I might have to get more creative with fundraising ideas or simply return the money that was donated so far and put this project on hold for now.

Anyhoo, love you all. And trust me, you can overcome your anxiety disorder. Don't give up, you just have to try different methods until you find the right one.

I'm here to share my experience and hope this motivates you!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading this blog!

2011-09-08T02:40:00.000-04:00

THANK YOU TO ALL THE READERS FROM THE FOLLOWING LOCATIONS:

United States
Russia
Trinidad and Tobago
United Kingdom
Canada
Germany
Australia
Thailand
Poland
Netherlands Antilles

Therapy: Week 10, 11, 12, 13

2011-09-08T02:28:00.000-04:00

Week 10, I didn't go.
Week 11, was very helpful.
Week 12, was very helpful.

I'll elaborate later.

Week 13, no therapy - doctor is away this week.

Looking forward to week 14.

Therapy: Weeks 7-9

2011-08-09T15:06:00.001-04:00

Week 7 sucked. I had a swollen lip due to an allergic reaction and have been dealing with allergies off an on since. Week 8, no therapy as therapist said he would be away. Week 9 (today)- didn't go and didn't go to work either.

I hate to feel 'down' but I haven't been doing so well these past few weeks for various reasons.

I'll explain later but its a combination of tough life decisions at work and personal and being impatient as far as waiting for therapy and the medication to work. I'm on Lexapro. Felt a slight improvement last month but not sure if it was all in my head. Also, I've been feeling tired quite often which isn't helpful.

More updates later. Hugs!

Should Black People See Black Therapists?

2011-07-31T20:16:00.000-04:00

I've had a few therapy sessions now since mid June. I've been going to my sessions weekly and some sessions have been quite a breakthrough and others have left me wondering if I can ever overcome my anxieties.

The root of my anxieties cannot be mapped to one single event. Most probably have nothing to do with my being Black and my experiences but SOME do and I must acknowledge this in order to heal completely.

I had an experience in one of my sessions where I mentioned a thought that I had regarding an experience with a certain family member. I thought my dark skin was possibly the reason why this person was really not around for me. My therapists reaction was one of dismissal to that idea.

My therapists is not Black and I feel like he cannot imagine that being a valid reason because he has no inkling about this part of some of our experiences.

I also had another experience that I shared and I felt like he wasn't sure how to respond to that.

Other than that, he is great all around but I wonder if my experiences as a black woman will create a situation where not all of the root causes of my anxiety are dealt with.

I've only been in therapy for a month and a half so this might just be part of how he works. He is probably just taking in all the info. I am still in the beginning stages and we haven't started CBT yet.

So let me know what you think?

*************************************************************************
UPDATE SEPT. 21, 2011

I just want to include an update. After 3 months in therapy, I feel that the race of my psychiatrist/psychologist doesn't matter at all.

I can honestly say that out of all the therapists I've seen, my current therapist is the best. For once, I feel the progress and I'm hopeful.

With that said, there is a lot of work that goes into it and I am just at the very beginning so I will have to keep you all updated on this blog. Wish me luck.

Admirable People: Kelly Rowland

2011-07-21T14:24:00.005-04:00

Despite what the critics have said about her career in comparison to Beyonce over the years, Kelly Rowland has maintained her classiness and has put out new music consistently. In my opinion she was underrated for a long time but I'm glad the critics are finally feeling her music and are seeing her amazing talents.

I love how all 3 ladies of Destiny's Child show love and respect to each other despite how others try to create tension that obviously isn't there.

Kelly's new album drops on Tuesday, July 26th. She is an admirable person to me because she has been honest and open about self esteem issues in her past, she has spoken so eloquently about being a dark skinned woman, she is beautiful, and she is coming into her own. She's branched out as a judge on UK's X Factor and has past experience as an actress and a host of Bravo's The Fashion Show.

This year, Kelly's performance on the BET AWARDS along with Trey Songz was all the motivation we needed to buy her album! So go out and get it on Tuesday.

Work and anticipation of the worse

2011-07-21T13:47:00.001-04:00

A lot of anxiety has been building for me on Monday and Tuesday because I knew that Wednesday was going to be a stressful and busy day at work. Visitors from the Connecticut office and my having to train others and sit in meetings. If I could, I would have avoided work on Wednesday but I had to be there. I've missed enough days as it is.

Long story short, the day wasn't so bad and I did ok (anxiety-wise). I felt uncomfortable b/c I've missed so many days and knew a lot of attention would be on me as a result, both good and bad but I made it out alive! And now it is Thursday.

Awesome.

Therapy: Week 6

2011-07-20T21:05:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's session wasn't all that for me and it was all my fault. You see, the dilemna with Social Anxiety and therapy is that therapy requires expressing yourself and talking about yourself. Social Anxiety clams you up so the when the 2 collide it is frustrating sometimes. I have to try harder next time and breathe.

Despite all that, my therapist seems to know what he is doing. We are doing regular therapy first and then we will move to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I've never had a therapist who consults with his patients thoroughly for about 2 sessions before actually starting the work. I think this is the best approach rather than a cookie cutter approach to therapy for Social Anxiety.

I truly recommend therapy because the bottom line is you have to CONFRONT your issues. Even if you are taking medication for anxiety, you can't rely on them forever...so therapy is crucial. I totally recommend it.

Black women out there, if you are dealing with issues DON'T FEEL EMBARRASSED TO SEEK HELP. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY IF YOU SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST. ALTHOUGH THIS BLOG IS FOR ALL RACES AND GENDERS, I REALLY NEED TO FOCUS IN ON BLACK WOMEN BECAUSE WE CARRY A LOAD AND WE DEAL WITH STEREOTYPES AND LOW SELF ESTEEM AND SO MANY OTHER ISSUES FROM BEING TOLD WE ARE WORTHLESS BY THE MEDIA TO A SMORGASBORD OF BAGGAGE!!! SO PLEASE SEEK HELP SO THAT YOU CAN DEAL WITH ALL YOUR PAIN GOING BACK TO WHEN YOU WERE A BABY TO NOW!

AND THIS GOES FOR EVERYONE, IF YOUR STATE OF MIND IS NOT RIGHT IT WILL BE REFLECTED IN THE CHOICES YOU MAKE, IN THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT YOURSELF, IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, AND MORE! YOU MUST CONFRONT ALL YOUR ISSUES.

Weeks 4 and 5 of Therapy

2011-07-12T21:22:00.000-04:00

Therapy session on week 4 was a breakthrough for me. My therapist made a connection b/w something from my childhood and my anxiety that I never thought of before.

Week 5's session (which was today) went well. I feel like this is going to help me. Week 3, I started to lose hope but it takes time and I'm going to dedicate myself to completing therapy THIS time around.

I'm still anxious at work and still painfully shy BUT my therapist is truly helping work through my past and I know this is going to help. It helps to have a person who is skilled in psychology and who is willing to LISTEN to you; a person who is on the outside looking in and can offer real help.

I'm always nervous before a therapy session and I contemplate not going but I force myself to go and I will continue to because like those Loreal commericials say..."I'm worth it!".

My therapist gave me a writing exercise that has been therapeutic for me but it takes alot of energy (mental energy) to start it.

Are any of you currently in therapy? Please share!

Stages of therapy?

2011-07-05T19:17:00.000-04:00

I'm starting to think that going to therapy has its stages. I was excited for the first 3 visits but now for the 4th, I'm feeling less optimistic. I'm going to get through this stage or "phase" and continue to go so that it WORKS. So my 4th visit is tomorrow.

I'll update you all. I will say that I am on a medication now. Started off with the lowest dose and now its a little higher. Still not feeling like its working so we'll see what my therapists suggests. I don't mind going a little higher one more time.

Also, I wonder if my therapist has ever had someone as anxious as I. I hope he has because I am a serious case of social anxiety. SERIOUS. I haven't been to work since mid last week b/c I'm anxious but I can't tell my employer the truth.

Also, my boyfriend is moving to Arizona this Friday. 'sad face'

Ok, more on all this later.

Happy July 4th Weekend!

2011-07-03T16:40:00.000-04:00

Hope a lot of you are simply happy whether you opted out of going out or not. Don't be too hard on yourself for wanting to be alone if that is the case. I think most of us feel we HAVE to push ourselves to socialize but we are so use to being alone and in our own thoughts that we actually like it and appreciate it sometimes! That's okay. Have a great weekend! I'm home this weekend and relaxing and I'm okay with that.

Wallflower Power T-Shirts on Sale!

2011-06-29T22:15:00.001-04:00

Wallflower Power

Make Custom Gifts at CafePress

NYT: Shyness: Evolutionary Tactic?

2011-06-29T11:14:00.000-04:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/26/opinion/sunday/26shyness.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1&emc=eta1

Open Forum about being Painfully Shy 07/02 by PainfullyShy | Blog Talk Radio

2011-06-29T10:36:00.002-04:00

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/painfullyshy/2011/07/02/open-forum-about-being-painfully-shy

Therapy: I recommend it!

2011-06-29T10:09:00.000-04:00

I started seeing a therapist on June 14th. I go every week and I hate that I have to do this but it must be done. This time I am going to try to go through with therapy until I am done. The only thing that worries me is, what if I change jobs? What will happen since I won't have insurance for a while? I wonder how much therapy costs completely out of pocket?

That's the only fear I have because I really hate the field that I work in. I hate it not because it's bad, it's a great field, but it's not what I want and it's not what I went to school for and it's not what I am passionate about. So I want to move closer to my goals but then I risk not being able to go to continue therapy with the same doctor.

I lucked out with a great psychologist/psychiatrist. He is both for me and that is rare. Also I like that he takes his time to assess my situation before recommending anything.

How many of you are in therapy now? Do you share this with your friends and family? I want to hear your stories?

The one thing that is awkward is that every week, when I go to therapy, I have to leave work and if someone asks me where am I going I dont want to keep saying that I have a doctor's appt b/c then they will put 2 and 2 together and will probably figure out that I am seeing a therapist. So far I haven't been asked that each week so that's good.

So I feel a little anxiety about that each week but I'm glad that I'm getting help.

I AVOIDED GOING TO WORK TODAY

2011-06-29T09:59:00.000-04:00

I couldn't handle all of the socializing I would have encountered today. I had 3 people that were going to be in the office and wanted to sit with me while they were there. I just don't want to go there today. It is one person that wants to sit with me to teach her one thing but she didn't give me a specific time which would have made it easier. She kind of just said she would so all day I would feel awkward and anxious waiting for this to be over with. And then 2 other guys wanted to sit with me about something else, another process and same thing, they didn't give me a specific time but they did give me an idea.

Anyway, it's just too much PLUS I had 2 meetings on top of it all. I just can't handle it sometimes. I rather not deal with it than to mess up and look stupid. My anxieties make me act so stupid, my voice is low, I look awkward, my movements are odd, I just feel so strange in my own skin when I am anxious.

Who wants to deal with that? So I told my job I had a family emergency b/c I can't tell them the truth. So now, I feel guilty for not telling the truth but if I tell the truth they will think I'm crazy and I'm probably more sane then all of them. I'm just a painfully shy woman in this aggressive world and the world loves extroverts so what is a shy person to do?

Susan Cain

2011-06-28T22:57:00.000-04:00

http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/about-the-author/

shyness-introversion-sensitivity-whats-the-difference

2011-06-28T22:47:00.000-04:00

http://talentdevelop.com/3316/shyness-introversion-sensitivity-whats-the-difference/

Help fund this social anxiety documentary...it's going to be good!!

2011-06-20T13:53:00.000-04:00

Did your upbringing have a part to do with your social anxiety? See this article in About.com in the link below.

2011-06-20T11:55:00.000-04:00

http://socialanxietydisorder.about.com/u/ua/psychosocialfactors/psychosocial.htm

Business Relationships and Social Anxiety

2011-06-20T11:44:00.000-04:00

It's difficult because the business partners will never understand unless you tell them about your anxiety and if you tell them this may be an issue. What can a person do? I'm not sure. Still trying to figure it out but I know one of my business relationships is in severe jeopardy because of my social anxiety. I even tried to share a little about my anxiety but it came off as me just saying that I'm shy and as you all know I am more than SHY, I'm painfully shy. So I'll keep you posted on whether I am kicked out of the business. (It's a fashion magazine). I'm so sad right now because I try so hard but my anxieties will only let me get so far before it becomes a severe issue in my life.

Opportunities at Work & Social Anxiety

2011-06-18T22:56:00.001-04:00

I was asked to facilitate a training at my job's other office out of state for 3 days. I kept coming up with reasons why I had to push the date back and eventually, I couldn't push it back any further. My reasons were legitimate reasons but my REAL reason for pushing it back was my ANXIETY (but I couldn't tell my boss that).

So the day arrived where I had to face the music and I personally feel like I did a horrible job.

I KNOW that my anxiety made me appear incompetent...I actually hope I appeared anxious more than anything. I spoke fast, I didn't project, I was so nervous that I couldn't think straight, my heart was beating fast, I couldn't breathe, I felt inferior, I couln't handle it so I FAILED.

I know I did. Know one told me so, but I know I did.

Anxiety is horrible but at least I made it through the 3 days and I'm back in NY, safe at home where no one can judge me.

Until then...

Beyonce can relate to the shy people out there...

2011-06-15T00:13:00.000-04:00

http://www.411mania.com/music/news/190197

IT'S ALWAYS THE QUIET ONES - DOCUMENTARY

2011-06-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

The Perfect Jobs for The Painfully Shy

2011-06-09T20:09:00.000-04:00

This is my opinion but I think the following would be great matches:

Writer

Small retail shop owner

Therapist

Librarian

Researcher

Artist

What others can you think of?

Stuttering

2011-06-07T22:18:00.000-04:00

I find that I stumble on my words many times when I talk to people. I don't know if it's because I have a stuttering problem or if it's because of my anxiety. Is my anxiety causing me to stutter or is the fact that I stutter sometimes making me more anxious to talk? I'm almost sure it's the anxiety that is driving it but it sucks because it only creates one more reason for me to be anxious.

Because of my anxiety, when I talk, I try to finish quick so the attention is diverted to someone else. I think my brain is trying to rush the thought and my mouth is trying to keep up so I end up stumbling on my words.

The only way to take care of this is to rid myself of anxiety.

So the quest continues.

Feeling Good

2011-06-01T03:05:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling good this week! Hopefully, it stays like that. Tomorrow will be the test. I have 2 meetings so we'll see. I'm going to think positive thoughts.

Also, I've been taking 400 mg of SAM-e supplements and I'll keep you posted on how that is working for me. I've been taking it for a week now.

As always, if you decide to try any supplements, consult with your doctor and make sure he/she knows of all medicines and supplements you are on.

DOASBW

Thank you, Oprah!

2011-05-25T20:14:00.002-04:00

It's not goodbye. It's more like see you in your new home, OWN.

Thank you, Oprah!

I HAVE NO CHARACTER

2011-05-24T01:29:00.000-04:00

A coworker said this to me but not in those exact words but that was the jist of it. He wasn't trying to be rude but he came by and said that I must have a quiet life and then he proceeded to say something about me not showing character or something.

I feel horrible but I'm watching The Oprah Show (I recorded today's show) and I'm already feeling like a billion bucks!

DOASBW

e.e. cummings - i carry your heart with me (DEDICATED TO YOU)

2011-05-24T01:19:00.000-04:00

e.e. cummings - i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

When is it okay to tell an Employer about your Social Anxiety?

2011-05-23T20:22:00.000-04:00

I'm getting to the point where I think I'm going to tell my Supervisor that I am struggling with S.A.D. I will ask if I can work from home and if not, I might have to resign. I can't handle the anxiety at work anymore. It's not healthy for me to go through this 40 hours per week. It's just not healthy.

I need your advice.

Social Anxiety - Celebrities with Social Anxiety Disorder

2011-05-21T18:41:00.000-04:00

adaa.org

2011-05-21T18:13:00.003-04:00

Weigh in: What will be the future of Television?

2011-05-19T20:08:00.000-04:00

There are many changes happening in television including the ending of The Oprah Show. There are other changes with Katie Couric, Regis Philbin, Mary Hart...

What do you think of all this? Will you miss the old days? What do you think the future holds for media as a whole?

The ending of The Oprah Show would have left a serious void in compassionate television, but I'm so glad Oprah decided to fill that void with The Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). I think we need compassion in the media, we need true storytelling as far as sharing what is real in people's lives and we need hope and motivation.

The media is SO powerful and it's time for others to step up to the plate. What we feed to society in the form of the media will boomerang right back in our faces so it's important to take that seriously. I have my guilty pleasure reality shows that I watch but it's important to have options and sometimes it feels like when it comes to TV there are no options anymore. All the channels have the same concept for shows that rely on gossip, fights, wealth and DRAMA.

We need more options!

Chicago, Connecticut, Texas, and Arizona

2011-05-19T19:50:00.002-04:00

4 states that are on my mind for different reasons.

I have to work out of my job's Connecticut office in a couple of weeks and I'm so NERVOUS b/c I have to train a few employees there. More to come on that.

Next...I might go to Texas next week. My brother might audition for the X Factor there.

Next...I want to go to Chicago in June to see Harpo studios and go to the Oprah Store. This is just and idea right now.

And finally, my boyfriend interviewed for a job in Arizona so if he gets the position, we might relocate or...not sure yet.

DOASBW

Kajagoogoo - Too Shy

2011-05-17T23:12:00.001-04:00

80's hit

Lyrics:
Tongue tied, (I'm) short of breath, don't even try (?)
Try a little harder
Something's wrong, you're not naive, you must must be strong
Ooh, baby, try
Hey girl, move a little closer.
You're
Chorus: Too shy shy
Hush hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy
Hush hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy
Hush hush, eye to eye
Too shy shy
Hush hush
Modern medicine falls short of your complaints
Ooh, try a little harder
You're moving in circles, won't you dilate
Baby try
Hey girl, move a little closer
'Cause, you're

Chorus
Instrumental
Chorus

Documentary

2011-05-17T22:54:00.002-04:00

It looks like it's going to be harder than I thought to get people to share their anxiety stories on camera so I'm going to turn the camera on myself and document my story in the next month or so. This will still give YOU time to join in so we can get more perspectives and stories.

Email me at painfullyshy at rock.com or go to the Documentary link and leave a comment there.
http://www.diaryofashyblackwoman.org/p/silence-speaks-documentary.html

Oprah, 4pm will never be the same!

2011-05-15T18:49:00.000-04:00

I rarely get to watch the Oprah Show at exactly 4pm b/c I get off work at 5 and not at home for about another hour but I record her show and watch it later that day. Regardless, 4pm and television will never be the same b/c of The Oprah Show. And I mean this in a good and bad way. Good b/c I think she's raised the bar tremendously and bad because I (and I'm sure you) will miss the show just as tremendously!

I don't want to go on but I will be watching until May 25th as I have always done and I know I will be inspired until the end!

Thank God for the OWN network! Thanks to Oprah for thinking of her viewers and wanting to give us something more.

Amazing!

Feel the Fear...and do it anyway! [Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.]

2011-05-14T00:26:00.000-04:00

Roger Hargreaves: Little Miss Shy | Little Miss Chatterbox

2011-05-09T10:30:00.000-04:00

Letoya Jackson

2011-05-09T10:20:00.002-04:00

Despite Donald Trumps recent antics, I'm still a fan of his Apprentice series. I've always been a fan because it has helped me learn about business and how cut-throat it can be. It has shown me how different personalities can be successful in business.

I especially loved this season for a couple of reasons and hated it for a couple of reasons. I am going to focus on one of the reasons why I loved it. And this was a total surprise to me. LETOYA JACKSON.

Letoya Jackson has really changed her image by being on this show...she changed it for the better. She has also proven that a person can be soft spoken and shy and still be a force...can still be successful in business. She was always polite and such a sweetheart and yet she SURPRISED not only me but Donald Trump.

Such an inspiration for me as I know that I don't have to try to change too much to be successful in my career ambitions. I've known a couple of other people that have proven this to me in the past such as a team leader I had when I served as an AmeriCorps member years ago. This woman was the team leader in my team and she was soft spoken yet one of the best leaders I've ever seen. As fate would have it, during those 2 years, I was partnered with a child that was obviously very shy and I helped him with his social skills and by the end of my 900 hour commitment, he was a social butterfly!

DOASBW

The Royal Wedding

2011-04-28T20:37:00.001-04:00

Congratulations to Prince William & Catherine Middleton!

Since we're on the topic of weddings, let me share my thoughts. Despite my shyness, I can see myself having an elaborate wedding "extravagana" but I would have to have certain things in place to ease my anxieties. Maybe dimmer lighting or a quicker ceremony. Maybe a large number of bridesmaids so that all eyes are not just on me. Maybe no bridesmaids and bestmen so that it's simpler.

I can also see myself having a smaller intimate ceremony and a nontraditional reception that is less like a party and more like a gathering of loved ones.

I can also see myself eloping or going to City Hall/Justice of Peace for a no stress wedding.

DOASBW

Follow up

2011-04-27T21:09:00.002-04:00

I made it through another day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you GOD!

aa-choo!

2011-04-26T23:48:00.002-04:00

A couple of people at my job were sneezing today and after the 3rd sneeze, I realized I was getting anxious because I was thinking, "Do I have to keep saying 'God Bless You'?"

Anyway, not that big of a deal, but just thought I should share that.

I think this is officially my lamest post. And yes, I said lamest. LOL.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy, hectic, anxious day for me. Not looking forward to it AT ALL. I wish I could call out sick but I really can't. Just thinking about it is causing me to worry.

I'll try to tweet when I feel anxious and maybe you can offer words of wisdom!

DOASBW

Romantics Anonymous Trailer

2011-04-23T20:55:00.001-04:00

The Tribeca Film Festival 2011 will be showing this film, Romantics Anonymous. There is a character (or 2) in the film with social anxiety.

I wish...

2011-04-23T20:00:00.003-04:00

PLRANG Images for design

I wish I could be brave enough to call my cousin and congratulate him on his wedding. I couldn't make it to his big day in Florida this weekend but I daydreamed about calling him and speaking to him for about 15 minutes. I imagined I would bring up all the cool days and not so cool days from when we were young and talk about family stuff. I have so much to say but I just can't seem to talk to anyone.

I wanted to go to the wedding so much despite my anxieties. I wanted to see a lot of my family that I haven't seen in years. It would have been fun. I would have even danced if my boyfriend was with me. Actually, the only way I could dance is if I feel like no one is really paying me any mind PLUS when most people are on the dance floor which reduces the number of spectators.

Anyway, I plan to call so wish me luck.

Also, I have a question? Do you stutter or jumble your words alot when you are nervous or unprepared? Or do you find yourself saying stupid things or thinking one thing but saying another? I do this alot and it adds to the awkwardness of my anxieties. It makes me really not want to talk.

For example: a few weeks ago, at work, a coworker asked me what was the name of my last job and instead of saying the name of my last job, I said the name of my current job. I nervously laughed it off and so he laughed too. Another example: last week, a coworker walked by my desk and said "Hey, how are you?" and you know what I said? Do you really want to know. As she was walking by real fast to go to her destination, I looked back and replied, "Hi, thank you." And by the time I realized that my reply made no sense, she had already walked by.

I Totally Recommend This...

2011-04-21T21:45:00.000-04:00

Get an iPod and go to iTunes and download social anxiety audiobooks!!! This is great for those who have a a long commute to work each day and I also recommend listening to this while at work instead of music. I'm going to do this tomorrow. Not sure what audiobook to buy yet, though. I'm still searching...if I choose something, I'll tweet about it. Find me on twitter @painfullyshy

Also, you can also find some great podcasts on iTunes that deal with social anxiety. Here is one that I found today: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-anxiety-guru-show/id283792286. I'm currently listening to the "What are the best options for treating anxiety and depression" from 3/26/11. I don't have depression but social anxiety is often grouped with depression. I definitely have social anxiety but I'm pretty optimistic so my moments of depression are not clinical. We all have ups and downs but people with depression feel the downs a lot more stronger. Just like social anxiety...we all have anxiety but those with Social Anxiety feel the anxiety at a much more intense and debilitating level.

So please check out iTunes and click on the iTunes Store option then click audiobooks and do a search for Social Anxiety and start there.

If you find anything good, please share so that other extremely shy people like yourself, can benefit from your findings.

Warm regards!

Also, while I was on iTunes, I purchased Beyonce's new single along with songs by Adele, Jennifer Hudson and Britney Spears' new song, too. I recommend Adele when you are feeling anxious because her music is very soothing.

On another note (more like a music note)

2011-04-20T22:10:00.002-04:00

According to reports, Beyonce's new single "Run the World (Girls)" is going to be available on iTunes by 8am. Looking forward to it!

I Am

2011-04-20T20:27:00.001-04:00

Just watched an interview with director Tom Shady who has a new documentary out called I AM. I can't wait to see this film when it's showing at a theater closer to me.

Check out the trailer at: http://iamthedoc.com/

I will go to sleep thinking about who I AM, not what I was told I was, or what others wanted me to be, or what others hinted I should do - but who I REALLY AM. I remember years ago, when I was in high school, I was chosen to be part of a program because my grades were high and I was black, and in this program I had the opportunity to go on retreats and be taught by some of the most respected, reknowned 'teachers' such as Dr. John Henrik Clark. On one retreat, I (with my quiet self) asked "How do we really know who we really are if we've been someone else our whole lives?" (It was a question along those lines, I don't remember my exact words). So I think, this documentary may answer my question and I'm so looking forward to it.

Sweet dreams, everyone!

Radio Show and Documentary

2011-04-19T17:18:00.000-04:00

RADIO:
Does anyone have a BlogTalkRadio show and do you have Social Anxiety? Would you like to cohost some shows so that you are not as anxious? I'm looking for a cohost to help me at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/painfullyshy. I have authors, experts that I'd like to interview but would LOVE a cohost who has social anxiety.
_______________________________________
DOCUMENTARY
Anyone interested in working on a documentary on Social Anxiety? I'm taking baby steps b/c I have social anxiety and due to the nature of the disorder, it will require taking it slow so that everyone is comfortable.

How to Overcome Fear of Talking on the Phone

2011-04-19T16:12:00.000-04:00

HELP

2011-04-06T01:28:00.000-04:00

IM A MUTE AT WORK. THIS IS TERRIBLE! I CLAM UP ALL DAY LONG! I CAN'T EVEN MAKE A PHONE CALL WITHOUT AGONIZING AND DELAYING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. THE LAYOUT OF MY OFFICE MAKES IT MORE DIFFICULT B/C EVERYONE CAN HEAR ME!!!!! THIS IS GETTING PROGRESSIVELY WORSE B/C THE MORE I DON'T TALK THE MORE OTHERS LIMIT CONTACT WITH ME AS THEY PROBABLY THINK I DON'T LIKE THEM OR THAT I THINK IM ALL THAT OR SOMETHING! THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM. IF IT WASN'T FOR THE FACT THAT I DO MY JOB WELL, I WOULD BE FIRED A LONG TIME AGO B/C BEING SOCIAL IS KEY, IT MAKES YOU A "TEAM PLAYER".

HELP!!

Wealthy Sistas® Dr. Angela Neal-Barnett, Rise Sally Rise®, Inc.

2011-04-03T09:56:00.001-04:00

Host Name: Wealthy Sistas

Show Name: Wealthy Sistas® Dr. Angela Neal-Barnett, Rise Sally Rise®, Inc.

Date / Length: 11/9/2009 12:00 PM - 1 hr

Quiet but Loud?

2011-03-29T20:38:00.000-04:00

Its seems like no matter how quiet I am, it seems like I create such a stir at all my jobs. It starts out with a few comments here and there from 1 or 2 people. "Your quiet." says person 1. Person 2 jokes, "Keep it down over there." Ha Ha Ha.

Then fast forward 3 months later, and more people are chiming in about how quiet I am. They group up in twos and threes and mention it. "You are sooo quiet." says person 1. Person 2 says, "she spoke earlier today." Person 3 yells out on his way out, "Bye, person who can't talk to anyone!"

This is my life. I'm painfully shy and avoid people but it seems like in a ironic sort of way, I draw people more towards me as they are curious about me and want to hear me talk. They think I'm odd because I'm so quiet so they examine me under a microscope and then soon they will, as always, start gossiping about me if they haven't already.

I am all too familiar with this pattern.

It is my life.

Back to where I started?

2011-03-27T22:39:00.000-04:00

When I first learned that my symptoms of rapid heart beating, butterflies in my stomach, thinking that everyone is judging me...had a name, I was 19 years old. I was perusing through a newspaper in New York called The Village Voice and the news that I was not alone changed me forever. I no longer felt helpless to my painful shyness, I felt hopefull that I would someday be free.

Fast forward over a decade later and I am still dealing with Social Anxiety. Life and responsibilities have gotten in the way of my having the TIME to get better so I have been half stepping through my self help and have not made any significant improvements OVERALL. When I compare my situation when I was 19 and my situation now, it is not much different.

The only difference is that now I KNOW the tools are out there to help me become comfortable around people. I know it.

So I feel like I'm back to square one.

I'll keep you posted.

http://terrirandallproductions.com/video-afraid-of-people.html

2011-03-26T02:16:00.000-04:00

http://terrirandallproductions.com/video-afraid-of-people.html

Afraid of People: A Social Anxiety Disorder Documentary 6/6

2011-03-26T02:01:00.000-04:00

Afraid of People: A Social Anxiety Disorder Documentary 5/6

2011-03-26T01:51:00.000-04:00

Afraid of People: A Social Anxiety Disorder Documentary 4/6

2011-03-26T01:41:00.000-04:00

Afraid of People: A Social Anxiety Disorder Documentary 3/6

2011-03-26T01:22:00.000-04:00

Afraid of People: A Social Anxiety Disorder Documentary 2/6

2011-03-26T01:20:00.000-04:00

Afraid of People: A Social Anxiety Disorder Documentary 1/6

2011-03-26T01:04:00.000-04:00

Do you let other people's moods control your own?

2011-02-14T21:49:00.000-05:00

If you are having a good day but the mood is down at work, does it bring you down? Or anything similar?

Let me know b/c I am guilty of this.

Never Say Never, find out what's possible if you never give up!

2011-02-11T02:37:00.001-05:00

NEVER SAY NEVER IN THEATERS NOW!

I'm going to see it this weekend. How could I not see a documentary called Never Say Never?

We should never say we will never overcome our anxieties!!!!!

http://www.justinbieberneversaynever.com/?gclid=CMuGs_fK_6YCFUmo4Aodl31nfw

Home Sick

2011-01-27T12:15:00.000-05:00

Not feeling well today.

Clam Up

2011-01-26T22:55:00.000-05:00

I am one step away from being considered a mute when I'm sitting at my desk at work. What in the world is my problem!?!?!?! This is crazy!!

Anyway, despite all this, I've been having good days at my new job but I might have to start looking AGAIN as it looks like due to an acquisition, things are changing fast!

So I'm on the hunt again to be on the safe side. UGHHHH!

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown at Lincoln Center Theater : Video Clips

2011-01-23T13:08:00.002-05:00

I wish I had known about this play in time to see it. It recently ran from Oct. 8, 2010 to Jan. 2nd, 2011.

Lincoln Center Theater : Media Player

Show details as per the Lincoln Center website: Both touching and hilarious, it's a story about women and the men who pursue them... finding them, losing them, needing them, and rejecting them. At the center is Pepa (Sherie Rene Scott) whose friends and lovers are blazing a trail through 1980s Madrid. And why do they all keep showing up at her high-rise apartment? Gazpacho anyone?

Along with Pepa, there's her missing (possibly philandering) lover, Ivan (Brian Stokes Mitchell); his ex-wife of questionable sanity, Lucia (Patti LuPone); their son Carlos (Justin Guarini); Pepa's friend, Candela (Laura Benanti), and her terrorist boyfriend; a power-suited lawyer (de'Adre Aziza) plus a taxi driver (Danny Burstein) who dispenses tissues, mints and advice in equal proportion. Mayhem and comic madness abound, balanced by the empathy and heart that are trademarks of Almodóvar's work. And of Bartlett Sher's too.
WOMEN ON THE VERGE OF A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
Photos by Paul Kolnik

2011-01-22T14:22:00.001-05:00

I don't feel like doing anything today, just watch movies.

OWN

2011-01-21T20:50:00.001-05:00

I'm watching Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes on OWN and lounging by my laptop. It's cold in here so I'm about to grab a sweater and get cozy under the covers. I'm hoping this weekend is fruitful for me. I don't have much to report to you today.

Today at my new job, after one month, now people are starting to make comments about how quiet I am. I knew it was coming, I've been there before so I think it will be easier to deal with this time around. We'll see.

I am way toooooo shy though. Sometimes I forget how shy I am. I am EXTREMELY SHY. I don't think I've kept up with one "regimen" (for lack of a better term) for longer than 2 months since I've been blogging? Keep me honest? Have I?

I have to pick 2 things at a time and stick to it. If I am going to do the acting class thing, then I have to include another "thing" that I will stick to and see if I get results Maybe acting classes and 5htp, or Kava Kava and group therapy sessions, or yoga and a detox; you get the point.

Anxiety blurs my memory b/c I am constantly thinking of so many things at once so I probably did try something while blogging for longer than 2 months and just don't realize it.

Anyway, join me on twitter as well @painfullyshy as I've been tweeting a lot more as of late.

"Talk" soon!

Painfully shy and Amazing DO NOT MIX

2011-01-19T20:52:00.000-05:00

When you are too shy to say NO then you might say YES to the bad things. When you are too timid to stand out from the crowd and do what you feel is right when the crowd is doing what you feel is wrong, then you will blend in with the crowd and do just that thing you think is wrong.

When you are curious about something but aren't strong enough to turn away when you realize this is not for you, you will aim to please others and put what pleases you on the back burner.

I don't want to compromise myself anymore. If I hear a joke that is against my moral code, I should not feel like I have to smile or fake a laugh simply to avoid confrontation no matter how big or small.

I want to be an amazing person and being painfully shy and amazing/extraordinary do not mix.

Buying a Home

2011-01-19T00:04:00.000-05:00

I went to a Homebuyers Seminar today. I am thinking of buying an apartment. So much to learn, though!

Anyway, the weather in NY was terrible today. It rained all day and this created thin layers of ice all over the city. It snowed earlier and then the rain just made it slippery and messy. I walked so slow and made it without falling and barely slipping.

Not much to report on the anxiety front YET. I'm feeling out my new job and so far things are ok.

I'm tired and ate too much today. I feel FAT.

Anyway, I wish I could give myself a hug. Wouldn't it be great if you could go outside of your body just to hug yourself! I'm sure it would be the best hug ever!

Virtual hug to YOU and I'm signing off!!!!

Still up...

2011-01-17T01:43:00.001-05:00

Too much on my mind to sleep.

All talk, No Action

2011-01-15T17:30:00.000-05:00

Don't become the person that is all talk and no action. Don't put things out there unless you are sure you will get it done. If you put it out there, be real about it...say you MIGHT or PLAN TO or something of that nature.

I am starting to believe that many people with social anxieties are perfectionist and want to appear perfect and agreeable to everyone and so we sign up for things that we know we should not b/c we are not ready for it yet.

So my goal is to start turning people down more but I have to practice different scenerios in my mind so that I'm ready.

If my social anxiety is too heavy for me now and although I am trying to break out of it, I have to no my limits while I take the steps to overcome this. It's a tricky situation b/c if I say yes to things I know I can't do, I might surprise myself and overcome a challenge but on the other hand I usually end up being half ass and do enough but then I reach a peak and clam up and start to avoid altoghether.

Do you know what I mean? I hope I'm explaining myself well enough that you are still following me!

What do you think about this?

Business Partners and Social Anxiety

2011-01-14T21:13:00.000-05:00

My business partners, for one of the magazines that I am a part of, doesn't know that I have a social anxiety problem. I hardly ever call them and this is increasingly becoming an issue.

I missed the last meeting b/c the meeting before it was supposed to be an hour and it ended up being 3 hours and I was too shy to say I had to go so I naturally, completely, avoided the following meeting.

Anyway, it is now a problem.

I am the founder of another magazine but I run this one on my own so I don't have to deal with partners.

Any advice?

Having Social Anxiety can be Dangerous

2011-01-12T21:39:00.000-05:00

A person with social anxiety might take a route that is not the best path simply because they know it is "safer". It is easy and involves minimal "socializing" as in speaking and being put on the spot regularly. So this shy person, will avoid a challenge out of fear and by doing so you never grow and you actually take a few steps back in life and fail to progress.

Shy ladies, please listen up, you have to challenge yourself to get through it. It is in overcoming these meaningful challenges, that you will grow and the next challenge will be easier.

Don't put yourself in a position to get by, to be invisible, to not have to use your brain...you must put yourself in a position to keep growing and learning so that each day it gets easier.

So if you choose to babysit for too long just b/c you'd rather be around a kid then to be anxious around adults, you have to take the next step and go for a job that you will be around adults so you are use to it. If you are a stripper and feel comfortable, not using your brain and being in a dark club where you don't have to talk but you can hide behind the temporary fix of alcohol and feel a false sense of control, it's time to wake up out of this dream. You must challenge yourself to take true control of your life and move it forward. If you are working as a secretary in a small windowless office and you rarely see people all day long, your job has become predictable and you feel comfort in this, its time to challenge yourself, or you will be in this situation for years and when its time for layoffs you will find it hard to adjust to another job or a higher position that requires more interaction with others. There are so many ways we shies mold our lives to fit our social anxiety and then we never improve. We are only enabling our own selves.

Social anxiety manifests in so many different ways so you can find a person ridden with social anxieties in just about any field but we find ways to do our jobs and create a way for us to live with our social anxiety; we don't adjust our anxieties to make room for our lives but we adjust our lives to make room for our anxiety.

Let's recognize this and let's change it!

So far, So good

2011-01-10T22:11:00.000-05:00

So far, so good at my new job. Also, I ate a fortune cookie today, and guess what my fortune was? Follow me on Twitter to find out.

www.twitter.com/painfullyshy

Saturdays!

2011-01-08T12:56:00.002-05:00

Saturdays are priceless when you work your A$$ off all week! Cherish it. Savor each moment. Use it wisely. Maximize your time and do not procrastinate. Spend time on the important things that have to get done so that when you are back at work on Monday, you have at least 1 (or more) things LESS to worry about.

Utilize your time wisely.

I have some things to take care of today so I might tweet about them today so if you are not following me, please do. I'm PAINFULLYSHY on Twitter.

http://twitter.com/painfullyshy

I'm Proud of Myself

2011-01-07T23:02:00.003-05:00

Long story short. I was challenged today. I had 3 important conference calls at work that I had to handle alone as a rep for my company. I did pretty good. It was good and bad that I had to handle the calls alone.

Good because:

I was the only one physically present in the conference room so I was able to go in there and shut the door and be alone. No one to stare at me (the other attendees were on the phone)
I could feel okay with reading from my notes when I felt stuck (if others were in the room with me I would have felt like I can't really do that and would have felt awkward, I'm sure I would have clammed up more and stumbled on my words)

Bad because:

I needed support from my team as I did not know how to handle all the questions.

So there you have it, this was an opportunity for me to step up to the plate and luckily the stage was set so that I can take care of it in a way that my anxiety would be a little under control so next time we have a meeting and my team is present, I think I will be able to handle it better as I kind of know what the basic questions and concerns of this new client are.

Jayakumar Attoor | sxc.hu

So that is all for now. Until tomorrow!

DOASBW

P.S. I always feel using words associated with pride because pride is kind of an conceited attribute to have, no? What do you think? I was thinking about this earlier today. I think there is a better way to describe what I felt about myself today, other than using pride. Am I thinking too hard about this? Isn't pride a sin? I'm proud to be Haitian but when I use that word, I don't really feel it as though I'm better than the next person. I just own the beauty of my own people. So in the same respect, maybe the word is not so bad but the way it is meant can be bad depending on what the user means? So I guess I will keep my title as "I'm Proud of Myself" because I'm not saying that I am better than anyone, but I'm simply acknowledging an accomplishment but in the same breath, please let me know of any other way you can describe pride.

LEVERAGING TECHNOLOGY TO HELP YOU OVERCOME SOCIAL ANXIETY - ENTRY 3: Oovoo

2011-01-06T23:18:00.000-05:00

If you are too shy to go out with your family and friends or to visit them, try Oovoo or Skype every now and then. You'll be in the comfort of your home and still be social. It takes a phone call to another level, a more social level.

Acting Class

2011-01-05T21:44:00.000-05:00

I audited a couple of classes last year so I have an idea of what I want in a class. Out of the 2 places, there is an obvious choice that will help me with my anxiety. I'm thinking about auditing at 2 other places before I make my final decision but I want to get this done by my next payday so I would need audit the classes this week or next so I WILL.

So here goes, I have to throw caution to the wind EARLY on this year and enroll in acting classes. They usually last around 3 months or less so by April I will be able to let you all know if the classes have helped me. First I have to audit and then enroll!!!

More to come on that, this is the year! I'm not waiting another year! If you've been following this blog since I started it you know that this has been a true passion of mine and I continuously keep pushing it back out of fear and NO MORE! I need these classes. I almost feel like this is my last hope.

Until then...

I let 2 days go by without a post?

2011-01-05T01:03:00.000-05:00

It feels like I just posted yesterday...what in the world?!!! Time flies - seriously! Well, I posted late on Sunay so it was kind of like Monday in that case and today is Tuesday so I guess that's why it doesn't feel like 2 days went by.

This week is my first FULL week of work at my new job as I started working during the week of Christmas so we had some days off and then the following week we had a day off for New Year's! So this is the full week test WEEK. Let's see how it goes but I can already say that this job has been good to me so far.

I no longer feel physical pain on my joints and back and all sorts of areas of my body that I felt with my other job. Stress really causes physical pain...it is so true. I didn't even realize that the pain I was feeling was due to my mental and emotional stress! Now that I am out of the situation it is clear to me as my body feels 10 years younger!

I have meetings tomorrow but it's more like training but Thursday I have an important client meeting so I'm gearing up for that one. I am not that nervous yet but we'll see. I'll let you all know how that goes.

I don't have any natural remedies to take with me to work other than the Valerian root pills but as I mentioned in previous entries (when I was taking the Valerian root regularly), Valerian root smells very bad but it worked. But, ooohhh it smells terrible.

Let me know if you have any tips on how to take Valerian root and not have to deal with the odor. Is there an odorless brand?

So, let me stop right here for the night.

Love you all!