DIARY OF A SHY BLACK WOMAN

Thanks for visiting this blog, Emmanuael. Visit o...

2012-02-10T22:33:38.473-05:00

Thanks for visiting this blog, Emmanuael. Visit often. There's a lot of info going back to 2006!!

This is great advice. My therapist told me to try...

2012-02-10T22:32:45.506-05:00

This is great advice. My therapist told me to try to have some lines ready to go for questions that are common.

Very true

2012-01-24T23:39:48.631-05:00

Very true

i still have social anxiety and a lot of it. i lim...

2012-01-19T13:37:21.597-05:00

i still have social anxiety and a lot of it. i limit it by only socializing when i want to and am not compelled by others to. i also go into conversational situation armed with basic question and am constantly formulating and looking for follow up questions while another speaks. and i go to the bathrooms several times for mental health breaks:)

Thanks, Melanie. By the way, I checked out your b...

2011-12-30T15:34:40.727-05:00

Thanks, Melanie. By the way, I checked out your blog and love it. I'm following!!

Thanks :)I really needed that!

2011-11-22T19:27:17.753-05:00

Thanks :)I really needed that!

I'm loving naturalhairinthemedia.com!! Great ...

2011-10-12T12:24:10.778-04:00

I'm loving naturalhairinthemedia.com!! Great site.

I have noticed many commercials featuring women wi...

2011-10-09T17:06:42.863-04:00

I have noticed many commercials featuring women with natural hair. My blog is dedicated to it, and I've been able to find many ads with naturals in them recently. I'm not sure why this is, but the representation and treatment of natural hair in mainstream America is slowly increasing, maybe even changing. Of course, there's always progress to be made. Take, for example, Nivea's Re-Civilize Yourself ad or the 2 hair searches that TSA conducted months apart on two different women. See my blog for more details!

Thanks for these comments! This is very helpful.

2011-08-29T22:39:06.264-04:00

Thanks for these comments! This is very helpful.

Hi. I'm currently working on a masters degree...

2011-08-11T21:48:43.187-04:00

Hi. I'm currently working on a masters degree in counseling studies. One of the things that is being emphasized in the curriculum is counseling diverse populations. It is well documented that there has been and still is a problem with counselors having difficulties relating to clients of different cultures. No matter how much training a counselor receives, there is just no way someone can know everything about a culture unless they have become a part of it. I will be seeing a therapist for the first time, in a few weeks. She too is of a different race. If there is an incidence of her missing something culturally significant, I will bring it up and "educate" her. I think a "good" counselor would appreciate as much information as possible that will help the process. The more understanding the therapist has of the client and her world, the better.

I've gone through therapists like a Carrie goe...

2011-08-10T07:03:02.769-04:00

I've gone through therapists like a Carrie goes through shoes. So I've had black therapists (I'm a black female)- they were both women. Both CBT.

One of them was very religious and would seldom mention the experience of being black. It was nice she understood how it was being a minority (at that time I was living in a very rural England)-I felt she understood MORE as opposed to Caucasian therapist. But she was very personal, and condemning at times, I almost saw her as my mother- not right, so I stopped seeing her.

The other one was much more focused in the therapy, she was younger. But she was professional, which was great. But her sessions were limited- 6 sessions only, so I don't see her anymore.

For me, the therapist race didn't matter. As long as they are professional.

I think the therapist and the client need some sense of detachment, weather it be race or gender, or hair colour. In some cases, its comforting talking to someone of the same gender and skin colour.

But I must stress, that for me professionalism comes before race.

At first I was so scared to open up (to these black female therapists), I found them intimidating, because of my PERSONAL experience with black girls.
(Please don't take this the wrong way)
Because of my quiet nature, black girls at my school would often intimidate me.

Thanks for putting out this blog, PainfullyShy, really. I'm going to remain anonymous for now cus I'm really shy:) but I'll follow you soon
-B

You are truly not alone. I'm glad that guy is...

2011-08-09T15:17:05.511-04:00

You are truly not alone. I'm glad that guy is your EX! You did not deserve that and it's important to be with someone who is willing to try to understand. Just know that a lot of black people understand you and what you go through!

Thank you so much! I hope it works. I'll kee...

2011-08-09T15:14:17.759-04:00

Thank you so much! I hope it works. I'll keep you updated and I feel the same way you do. Exactly the same.

I went to wcf.com but didn't find any info.

2011-08-09T15:12:16.971-04:00

I went to wcf.com but didn't find any info.

Thanks, anonymous! She remains one of my favorite...

2011-08-09T15:09:59.484-04:00

Thanks, anonymous! She remains one of my favorite singers of all time! What's your fan page url? I will check out that other site you recommended!

The comedian Tracie Spencer is caucasian, and olde...

2011-08-03T23:08:02.571-04:00

The comedian Tracie Spencer is caucasian, and older, so its not her. I have been also trying to find out what she has been doing, because i have a fan page for her. I do know she had been singing backround vocals, for 50 cent and Eve. As for this year, Tracie spoke at a MLK Jr. Banquet in Jan. You can see the pictures she took, by going to www.wcf.com and searching tracie. She still looks like she used to just older and a bit thicker. I hope this helped you find some answers :)

Good question. I often wondered that. It's har...

2011-07-31T22:09:48.660-04:00

Good question. I often wondered that. It's hard to explain the complexities that Black people have to go through, particularly with anxiety. I tried explaining that to my therapists in the past, both White, but it seemed insignificant or they just nodded like they understood. To my understanding, growing up, being Black meant that I was supposed to be loud and outgoing and uber friendly with everyone. But I was very seldom like that. I'd much rather be in the background and observe. I used to get made fun of a lot and I thought how could someone of another race possibly understand the dynamics of that. Hopefully as time goes on, therapy will continue to be beneficial for you. Good luck! =)

Sorry I haven't commented in awhile. Haven'...

2011-07-31T21:32:16.140-04:00

Sorry I haven't commented in awhile. Haven't been near a computer. It's great to see you progressing in therapy. It's been so long since I've been (3 years ago), that I feel I need to go back. I have issues that are developing from my anxiety problems... A bit complicated to explain.

Anyway, I wanted to say a big "AMEN" when I saw the last two paragraphs of this post. Particularly about black women seeking therapy. It's looked down upon so much in our society. My parents who are Jamaican, are pretty open minded when it comes to that, but my ex was not so open. I had quit a job abruptly because I was so nervous and the lady who was showing me how to do to the job (cashier) was being such an ass. I told him about it while we were still together and he yelled at me and didn't understand at all. I cried so much because I thought I was the only black person who had all these social issues. Reading this post reminds me that I am not alone.

Hey, Mystique...I mean Authentic Tiff...LOL (love ...

2011-07-12T21:11:45.391-04:00

Hey, Mystique...I mean Authentic Tiff...LOL (love both names!) My 4th visit was a breakthrough for me and today was my 5th. I'll share on a blog post today! And you are soooo right...it takes time. Do you plan on giving both therapy and medication another try? You should. And my boyfriend leaving makes me anxious but its challenging me to not use him as a crutch when it comes to anxiety and avoiding dealing with issues myself but I MISS HIM and we talk everyday.

Anonymous, you simply purchase regular yarn at a f...

2011-07-12T21:08:21.372-04:00

Anonymous, you simply purchase regular yarn at a fabric store. Make sure it is not wool, use acrylic and I think black is the only one that looks authentic.

where do you buy the hair and what is it called ?

2011-07-11T22:12:51.042-04:00

where do you buy the hair and what is it called ?

Medication typically takes awhile to start working...

2011-07-11T19:37:56.109-04:00

Medication typically takes awhile to start working. I had the worst side effects when I was on them. And in all honesty, I only gave it three weeks, instead of giving it a good two months. It really takes time but I was impatient and the side effects didn't agree with me... =(

I had wondered that about my therapist as well, like if they understood the gravity of my anxiety.

Also, therapy itself, will take awhile to "work." It really sucks because you go in, hoping to see immediate changes but it takes several sessions (at least for me). If only it were that easy. Lol.

Sorry to hear about your bf moving. =( Does that add to your anxiety?

PS - This is mystique but changed my name to Authentic Tiff, because i thought the other name just sounded corny. lol.

Take care.

Mystique, Thanks for your comment! I will definit...

2011-06-29T22:53:45.073-04:00

Mystique, Thanks for your comment! I will definitely post updates about therapy and if I feel its working for me or not. It better work! The copay is close to 50/visit!!! LOL.

I was seeing a therapist a couple years back. It w...

2011-06-29T20:34:06.209-04:00

I was seeing a therapist a couple years back. It was really helpful. I think I fell in love with the first one cuz... well, he was really cute and I told him about so many of my issues. (laughs). The next therapist I saw, I felt like she was one of my girlfriends. I felt so comfortable with her although I had trouble looking into her eyes. That's a huge thing for me because to me, looking into someone's eyes is like looking into their soul. And I'm afraid of what they'll see in mine. They'll see all of my flaws and worries... She was really helpful because she helped me to take things a step at a time. She offered suggestions to dealing with my anxiety, like when I'm on the train and I'm sitting somewhere, where I feel people are staring at me. She empathized with me a lot and I really miss her. I think therapy will be great for you. I feel as long as you're open minded about it and you have a good therapist who will listen and take their time with you, then it'll be good. Keep us updated with the therapy sessions. Good luck!

I feel you. Last week, I got let go of an assignme...

2011-06-19T14:33:28.736-04:00

I feel you. Last week, I got let go of an assignment at work because of my anxiety. My supervisor told me she thought I didn't have the right personality for the assignment. I actually thought I was more talkative and assertive than I was previously, but I guess I still have ways to go. I didn't let it discourage me too much..it actually pushed me to continue to get better.

Fortunately, I am still am working on another assignment that will help me improve my social skills. Good for you making it through 3 days. That's awesome. I know you will get better as time passes.