One last entry for tonight...What do you think about the 2012 predictions?

WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THE DOOMSDAY PREDICTIONS SURROUNDING THE YEAR 2012? HAS THIS AFFECTED ANY OF YOU WHO ARE ALREADY DEALING WITH PHOBIAS?

I SAW THE MOVIE 2012 AND THOUGHT IT WAS FILLED WITH PREDICTABLE MOMENTS AND TRADITIONAL AMERICAN MOVIE CLICHES BUT I MUST ADMIT THAT I AM STARTING TO WONDER. I HAVEN'T QUITE STARTED TO WORRY YET BUT I CAN FEEL IT SLOWLY CREEPING IN.

PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON THIS AND IF YOU SUFFER FROM AN ANXIETY DISORDER, PLEASE SHARE HOW THIS HAS AFFECTED YOU PERSONALLY.

okay...good night.

Pssss...I'm still awake

It's 2:23am. I had one more thought I wanted to share with you.

I think that everyone who suffers with an anxiety disorder [especially Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)] should use the night time to prepare for the next day.

Obviously, I've already started my day (when I wake up later) on a bad note because I will have only gotten about 5 hours of sleep. I'm working on improving this...not sure if this is insomnia or just my worries keeping me up at night.

We, shy people (painfully shy) have to get a good nights rest and make sure we have our day planned in our heads so we are READY to take on what comes our way. Of course, you cannot plan or foresee everything but it will ease your mind if you are prepared for what you expect...what you know for sure.

So, I have a list that I 'update' each night or throughout the day and this helps. Also, I try to prepare my clothes for the next day the night before and I try to take care of little things that I know will get in the way in the morning.

I'm very sleepy as I type this so please forgive me if I am not making any sense at all (and forgive any grammatical errors, etc).

**YAWN**

Goodnight.

It's 2:10am; I should be asleep!!!

This is random but here goes:

I always get ITS and IT'S confused.

I love using semicolons and get secretly HAPPY when I get to use them. I'M A NERD...THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE. ONCE A NERD (**FLASHBACKS TO ELEMENTARY SCHOOL**) ALWAYS A NERD...LOL.

I have gotten into the bad habit of using more than one exclamation point when just one is suffice.

Okay...I'm obviously delirious. Let me go to sleep now.

Until next time my beautiful blog readers. MUAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL.

Nighty Night.

This is a photo by yours truly...I took this during summer 2009. The clouds are so lush... ;->

FASHION FOR THE SHY WOMAN - ENTRY 1

RULE #1 - COMFORT IS KEY

SOME SHY LADIES TEND TO BE VERY MODEST IN HOW THEY DRESS
&
SOME SHY LADIES, TEND NOT TO BE SO MODEST BUT THEY BECOME VERY SELF-CONSCIOUS IN THEIR CLOTHING BECAUSE THEY LACK THE CONFIDENCE.

For example, I tend to be very modest with my look but I do own a few "body hugging" jeans but I get self conscious when I walk in front of people with them on so I recently decided to make my fashion work for me by getting some very loose tops that cover my derriere half way or all the way so that I can still wear my jeans and feel comfortable. I tend to wear tight pants and jeans alot but I lost weight this year and found that 2 of my pants fit very loosely...I just had the waist taken in at the dry cleaners and I notice I feel much freer when I wear them. Don't have to worry about comments or stares at my behind and such. I rid myself of unwanted attention or attention I cannot handle very well as a person with social anxiety.
*************************
RULE #2 - FORGET DIAMONDS...UNIQUENESS IS A SHY GIRL'S BEST FRIEND.

WE ARE ALREADY QUIET AND MYSTERIOUS TO OTHERS EVEN WHEN WE THINK WE ARE TALKING ALOT, OTHERS STILL SAY WE ARE QUIET WHEN THEY DESCRIBE US.


So why not let your clothes do some of the work? Wear unique pieces to bring out your personality. This goes hand in hand with wearing colors that you normally don't wear. These things will make a statement for you without you having to say a word.

Check out the neckpieces in the photos at:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/giia

***************************************************

Long Felt Flower Scarf

http://www.vivaterra.com

How can YOU use FASHION to help overcome social anxiety?

I had a sudden thought just now while viewing some fashionable pieces by various designers. And I thought to myself, "Self, you must add a segment *if you will* on FASHION to your blog.



Now I think that fashion can be used to enhance our cognitive behavioral "self" therapy. How is that? Well let me explain.



If you wear a unique piece that you love -*you must love it...this can't be just for show* - so if you wear this unique piece, you will be doing the following:



1. You are Making a statement (without using a word or action)

2. You are Telling others a little about who you are (without using a word or action - your are just BEING YOU with a unique piece)

3. You are inviting attention (OK...I know this part is a bit scary but stay with me)...you are attracting attention in a subtle way (I guess it depends on the piece you are wearing but when I say subtle, I mean its quiet to the ears and not intrusive).



Now with that being said, this is how you are helping yourself:

1. You are wearing a piece that you love and it makes you happy so you will think positive thoughts. (COGNITIVE)

2. You are getting attention, hopefully admiration and a few people may come up to you and ask questions about where you purchased the piece, etc. This inturn, will force you to speak and interact with others. (BEHAVIORAL)

3. You are doing all this in a way that is not too overwhelming, through fashion. You are not making a speech in front of a large audience, You are not out on a date, You are not at a party. You are just going about your day but you are well aware that you may encounter questions and admiration about this particular piece so you are READY and PREPARED VIA MENTAL EXERCISES and MENTAL REHEARSALS. All this helps...trust me.



And if you feel up to it, maybe challenge yourself to ask someone for the time. (I had to do this once for an exercise a long time ago when I was seeing a therapist and I couldn't believe how hard this exercise was for me but I did it and here I am...I lived to tell about it...LOL.)

Love you all!!!

I will start posting unique pieces that I find online or in stores (I'll take photos) and post them online or link the website. So keep this in mind. I'll try to find great deals and post them as well. I am going to post the item I was looking at when I came to this FASHION EPIPHANY. It is indeed a unique item so check out my next post coming right up!!

Check this out:

I had a brochure for a L.C.S.W. (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) by the name of Jonathan Berent who has anxiety CDs but I opted not to try his (yet) because I already tried the Attacking Anxiety CDs and will give it another try when I have more time to focus on them.

However, I checked out Berent's website and he offers other services that I'm interested in like therapy sessions BY PHONE but I have to find out if insurance will cover this, which I doubt they will so I will have to wait until I can afford this service.

Anyway his website is filled with tons of info and the page that I am spending most of my time on right now is in this link
http://www.social-anxiety.com/resources-interviews.html

***fyi...I do not get paid to post these links or for any of my anxiety-related recommendations. I just want to bombard you all with all the info I pick up on a day to day basis when I research ways to alleviate my anxieties. So I urge you to do the same. Post links and such in your comments.

My Vlogs...what happened?

Okay...what had happened was...LOL!!!

Seriously, I had planned on making videos this year for my YouTube Channel - PainfullyShyTV but for some reason my flip cam videos are in AVI format and when I try to upload those vids to Windows Movie Maker I cannot see the image but I can hear the sound. So I got discouraged after trying to figure out how I can get my videos to convert easily to WMV so that I can edit with Windows Movie Maker. I'm not sure why Windows Movie Maker is giving me a hard time with the AVI format...its frustrating.

So either I have to get another flip cam or I have to figure this out. I love my flip cam and am so sad about this.

Once I get this situation figured out, I will post videos. I want to edit my videos because I want to include music on some and captions, titles, etc. Not to mention, I want to have control of what I decide to show to you all...in the beginning I might not show myself or all of my face so I need the ability to edit my videos.

So if you have any suggestions on this whole flip cam, AVI format, WMV format situation...please share!!!

Until then.

TRAVEL

I want to go to Haiti. I just watched one of my favorite Youtube Channels and it reminded me how Haiti is the first and only black nation to fight for and win its freedom against its oppressors - not once but THREE times!!

I not only want to visit for my own leisure but I want to help Haiti. I don't know how but I'm researching different organizations that will allow me to volunteer or maybe I can come up with my own 'vehicle'.

I also want to visit Germany.

Maybe this will be on my list for 2010.

p.s. To all my shy people out there...if you have always wanted to travel the world (in small increments, here and there...then this is what you should do. Don't make it more overwhelming than it already is. Just take small steps. Get your passport!

Go take that passport photo and get your money together (I think its about 100.00) and go to your local post office and apply! Just do that...make that first step.

Then from there just research different places that you've always wanted to visit and get brochures and cut out the most important parts of the brochure and throw the rest out (to avoid clutter).

Go online and research in your spare time and ask questions.

Don't make plans just yet just absorb all the info you are getting and all the images and discussions online. Then slowly start to move toward the next step.

Don't put pressure on yourself like I did when I went to Prague. It was alot of pressure because I had to save all that money in a short amount of time and get my 'mind' right for the trip but in the end it was worth it but if I had to do it again, I would have given myself more time to erase the high levels of anxiety that I felt.

fyi: Black Friday has competion...CYBER MONDAY

http://www.cybermonday.com/

ARGUING

When I get into an argument, its extremely difficult for me to find my way out of it. Its almost always a situation where my feelings were bottled up and now the other person is pushing me into a corner where I have no choice but to blurt out everything and often times it comes out very raw and harsh. The other person is then extremely confused because they are wondering what happened to me and why I've "changed" from being the always smiling and shy one to the all of a sudden - emotional and angry individual. It would have been sweeter if I'd let it out in small doses over time rather than letting it all out at one time.

I hate arguments. I try to avoid any thing closely related to "tension" by being neutral at all times but that isn't healthy in the long run. This is why I hate competition...because it creates tension. The irony is - I love a challenge and competition is challenge so in some ways I like competition and the adrenaline and motivation it creates. That leads me to that word...ADRENALINE...it resembles the feeling of anxiety and nervousness.

When I'm on the spot...in the spotlight...I have to figure out how to use that anxiety and turn it into positive adrenaline. I must make those butterflies work for me and not against me but I haven't quite figured out how to turn this theory into practice.


In many ways, arguments are like a platform for your feelings. You are putting forth your ideas, your concerns, your reasoning, your logic...you are on display and you have to figure out how to handle it and use all the emotions in a mature way. Sometimes you feel better and sometimes you feel worse. The challenge is to come through the other side as the better person.

By saying "the better person", I've just implied that its a competition which I have a love/hate relationship with.

I'd love to never have an argument again. I've gotta figure out how to make my anxiety work for me and how to deter arguing in the first place.


Until then

(p.s. I am currently reading ON THE LINE by Serena Williams with Daniel Paisner so this small talk about 'competition' is right up my alley right about now. Serena Williams is the embodiment of competition, success, grace, and a winner. I can learn a lot from her.)

This entry is via text messaging on my cell: JUST WANT TO SAY HELLO. I'm JUST GETTING HOME FROM WORK. THE TRAIN WAS SUPER PACKED TODAY.

DON'T WORRY...be happy

Listen to the lyrics of this song - "Don't Stop Moving"

New therapy targets anxiety disorder (GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder)

Check out this article I found below regarding a new therapy for GAD. I usually focus more on social phobia in this blog but I was also diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder which, to be honest, I don't know much about. I just know it centers more on the 'worrying' aspect.

New therapy targets anxiety disorder

Posted using ShareThis

Greinke a most deserving Cy Young winner (He battled social anxiety) read...

Greinke a most deserving Cy Young winner

#SocialAnxiety

Let's try to make this a trending topic. Tweet about #socialanxiety on Twitter.

"No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips"

Unwritten

by Natasha Bedinfield (singer)

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

Still in Stamford

Will be making my way back to NYC in a little bit!!! I saw 2012 and Precious this weekend. Both movies were uncomfortable subjects but important enough to spark thoughtful conversation.

I'll tell you about it later or I'll tweet about it.

Until then...

(I didn't tweet that much this weekend but will make it up to you all)

I'm on my way to Connecticut for the weekend. I had today off and I'm also off on Monday. I'm sending this entry via my cellphone!!! I will be sure to update my twitter page regularly this weekend and my Facebook status, so follow me there as well. Until then...

PLEASE READ THE COMMENTS IN THIS LINK...

A reader that goes by the name of IamKris made some poignant comments here so please read them because she added a fresh perspective to the issues surrounding Black women and social anxiety. This is great stuff...please read here:

https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=32599383&postID=8582923221681253887&isPopup=true

http://www.diaryofashyblackwoman.org/2009/11/check-out-this-old-blog-post-of-mine.htmlhttp://www.diaryofashyblackwoman.org/2009/11/check-out-this-old-blog-post-of-mine.html

Admirable People: India.Arie

This is my girl right here!!! I love her music, her beauty - BOTH inside and out. She is such a talented songwriter, musicianist and vocalist. I love her style and her grace.

Visit http://www.indiaarie.com/

India.Arie - Video

Check out this old blog post of mine from 2006...

I've been getting many comments and emails from people who can relate to this particular entry and so I thought I'd repost it. Love you all!!!! Click on the link below to read it.


http://www.diaryofashyblackwoman.org/2006/08/my-being-shy-black-throws-people-off.html

The Holiday Season

So the Holiday Season is officially here, AGAIN...seems like just yesterday....right?



Its not just the holiday season that is upon us, but the harsh reality that another year is about to go by. Did you make the most of all the days you were given in 2009?



I will let you know if I did by the end of December.

2ND JOB

Not sure if I mentioned that I took on a 2nd job. This was back in the late summer. I'm not sure how I did it or am doing it but when there is a will - there is a way. As of late, I have been 'clocking' in many hours of overtime at my 1st job...my day job...my career job, so I haven't had time to make it to my night job in quite some time. The crazy thing is I make more money doing overtime at my day job than working regular hours at my night job so I'm okay with that. The bad thing is because of my night job I've been behind at my day job and so I've had no choice but to hold off on going to my night job so that I can do overtime and catch up at my day job.

Are you still with me?

Bottom line is...I need more money but I don't know if the night job thing is going to work because I have soooo many accounts to overee at my day job and I risk falling behind when I have to leave at 5 and get to my night job on time. But then the catch 22 is that without the night job, I will not need to do as much overtime at my day job because I will be able to stay about 30 minutes extra each day to do a little extra and then I won't make overtime at my day job which means I will be back to square one...needing more money.

Not sure what to do? So far, there hasn't been any talks of raises at my day job since the salary freeze during the 'official' start of the recession.

Our reviews are suppose to be in January but since I've been at this job (3 years), the reviews always come late around March. Anyway, we'll see if its a Nay or Yay as far as a salary increase is concerned. I certainly deserve a raise. I have the most accounts and obviously, I get paid the least.

I hardly have money to buy clothes are get my hair done. I basically do my own hair even when I braid in extensions...I do that myself too. I think I get my hair professionally done about once a year and that is only if I have an important event to go to. The last time was when I went to Prague (over a year ago).

Until then...

Great Natural Hair/Beauty Site:

www.thecoilreview.com

Help me decide: Should I change my blog's title?

Should I change the title, Diary of a Shy Black Woman, to something else?

If NO, tell me why not.

If YES, tell me why and if you want, suggest a new title.

Until then...

Admirable People: Danica Mckellar

Danica Mckellar was, once, best known for her role as Winnie Cooper in "The Wonder Years" but that's changing. She is now, increasingly, known for her expertise in Math as a Mathemetician and she continues to add more credits to her acting resume!

McKellar studied at UCLA, majoring in mathematics. While at UCLA,
she became a member of Alpha Delta Pi sorority. She graduated summa cum laude in
1998. As an undergraduate, she coauthored a scientific paper[12] with Professor
Lincoln Chayes and fellow student Brandy Winn. Their results are termed the
'Chayes-McKellar-Winn theorem'[13][14]

Wikipedia, Danica McKellar, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danica_McKellar (as
of
Nov. 8, 2009, 05:50 GMT).

Photo: http://a.getbackimages.com/uri/w514_h676_cfalse/-p-wonder-years-fred-savage-and-danica-mckellar-1988-1993-p-/image/4/0/5/5/4055091.jpg

Mitrice Richardson - Missing Woman

http://www.findmitrice.info/

"Mitrice Richardson, age 24, went missing after she was released from the Malibu police station at about 1 a.m. Thursday September 17th.

She suffers from mental health issues and was released into the remote Malibu canyon area without a car, I.D, phone, money or assistance...."

read more on the website

www.findmitrice.info

Admirable People: Kerry Washington

Here is yet another addition to the list: Kerry Washington

By now, you've probably noticed a theme...beauty and brains!

Kerry Washington, a woman from the Bronx, is already recognized as one of the best actresses out there but her career is still growing and I have a feeling she will only get better! Here is a clip I found for an upcoming movie called "Life is Hot in Cracktown" in which Washington plays a transgendered woman. And if you've ever heard Ms. Washington speak in an interview, there is no question that she is very smart!


The photo of Kerry Washington at the top of this post was found at:http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://imageserver.izvorienergije.com/ma_che_bella/full/200812/20081213_kerry_washington.jpg&imgrefurl=http://monieontheoutside.blogspot.com/2009/02/kerry-washington.html&usg=__jy-0f-3eMw_XpHwJ4OM34E-Erc4=&h=1193&w=900&sz=154&hl=en&start=117&um=1&tbnid=INURfswsSw63iM:&tbnh=150&tbnw=113&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dkerry%2Bwashington%26ndsp%3D18%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1T4ACGW_enUS314US315%26sa%3DN%26start%3D108%26um%3D1

Admirable People: Ivanka Trump

Pick up a copy of her book, "The Trump Card: Playing to Win in Work and Life". I'm currently reading this book and I'm also reading "Push" by Sapphire (but I'll get into that in another blog after I see the movie, Precious.)

Ivanka is all that! I admire her confidence, her intelligence and the fact that she is really good at what she does in real estate development.

I also recommend reading all of Donald Trump's books. I plan to. I listened to a snippet online which was tagged "think big" and it was enough to make me want to buy all his books.

Back to Ivanka, not only is she all the things I mentioned above, but she is interesting, knows her stuff and has a great sense of style to match her beauty.

I'm a little older than her but her book speaks to me and other women who are trying to navigate their way through corporate america and up those ladders, so to speak.

I think I have to create a list of all the admirable people I have mentioned to date so its easy for you to find. I'll have to come back to that.

Until then...

Oh, and if you are familiar with my blogs, you already know that I'm a huge fan of The Apprentice and from what I've read, they are currently filming new episodes for the upcoming season of Celebrity Apprentice. I will be sure to blog about that in the upcoming future

I am blessed to have the most intelligent blog readers!!

In order to take advantage of the full experience of this blog, please check out the comments that other readers have left. These comments raise additional questions, concerns and they answer questions/concerns but most importantly they increase and continue the dialogue!!

So leave your comments as well!!

Love you all!