Recommend some books here. I recommended quite a few...your turn...TAG...YOU'RE IT.
UNTIL THEN...
Followers
Latest Social Anxiety News
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
5-htp on hold
I am not going to take 5-htp for now. I am back on Paxil. A very low dose and I only take one per day. I am also going to start listening to the Attacking Anxiety CDs/DVDs again. I said this a few weeks ago, but I haven't started yet.
This will be my regimen for now.
More on this later.
Until then...
This will be my regimen for now.
Until then...
Birthday Surprise!
My bf's sister and cousin surprised him this past weekend and I participated. It was fun! We went to a lounge and then to another and then back to the 1st lounge we went to...long story but it was all good.
If you didn't know I got back with my bf then you haven't been truly reading my blog entries...I slipped that info into one of my previous entries...but I forgive you & love you still...lol.
(Shout out to DannieCleo for catching that one...lol)
Anyhoo, I'm lounging on my bed. I was thinking about doing a quick radio show tonight but I changed my mind. One of these nights, I just might surprise you all with a radio show...my 2nd. We'll see. No pressure...lol.
If you didn't know I got back with my bf then you haven't been truly reading my blog entries...I slipped that info into one of my previous entries...but I forgive you & love you still...lol.
(Shout out to DannieCleo for catching that one...lol)
Anyhoo, I'm lounging on my bed. I was thinking about doing a quick radio show tonight but I changed my mind. One of these nights, I just might surprise you all with a radio show...my 2nd. We'll see. No pressure...lol.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
overcompensate
I tend to overcompensate in the way of facial expressions, smiles and laughter to make up for my lack of talking. So if I am a part of a conversation, I may not talk much but you will feel like I am involved and participating because I am in tune with my eye contact, my reactions (laughing, smiling...) and I look interested and empathetic.
I think this will come in handy with acting.
I think this will come in handy with acting.
Acting, PCP, Dentist, Permit...& BF
I registered to be a background actor. I am going to buy glossy photo paper and ink to print out my headshots this week.
Tomorrow, I am back at work and will go to my doctor during my lunch break for advice on whether I should start up on an anti-anxiety medication and also to get results to my thyroid and hypoglycemia blood tests. I heard that hypoglycemia can have the same symtoms as anxiety, so I want to make sure I don't have hypoglycemia so I can scratch that off my worry list. After work, I have a dentist appointment and I want to have my fillings removed. I have about 3 and I have been reading up on fillings and am concerned about there safety. I will speak with my dentist about my concerns and see what she says.
On Thursday, I will either leave early to go for my permit test (I did not arrive on time the last time) or I will postpone for next Thursday.
On Friday, I plan to audition for a talent agent by doing a short cold reading during my lunch break and then I plan to audit an acting class later that evening after work.
So that's the plan for the remainder of the week. I had Monday and Tuesday off and it was very productive...I also got back together with my boyfriend and celebrated his birthday.
I attended a conference yesterday dealing with the publishing industry and I took care of a lot of paperwork.
March rounds out the 1st quarter of 2009 so I want to end it with some major accomplishments. By this time next week, we will be gearing up for the start of the 2nd quarter of 2009...time flies...let's not forget our goals, dreams, purpose for the year...let's do it.
I plan to hit the gym in April.
Tomorrow, I am back at work and will go to my doctor during my lunch break for advice on whether I should start up on an anti-anxiety medication and also to get results to my thyroid and hypoglycemia blood tests. I heard that hypoglycemia can have the same symtoms as anxiety, so I want to make sure I don't have hypoglycemia so I can scratch that off my worry list. After work, I have a dentist appointment and I want to have my fillings removed. I have about 3 and I have been reading up on fillings and am concerned about there safety. I will speak with my dentist about my concerns and see what she says.
On Thursday, I will either leave early to go for my permit test (I did not arrive on time the last time) or I will postpone for next Thursday.
On Friday, I plan to audition for a talent agent by doing a short cold reading during my lunch break and then I plan to audit an acting class later that evening after work.
So that's the plan for the remainder of the week. I had Monday and Tuesday off and it was very productive...I also got back together with my boyfriend and celebrated his birthday.
I attended a conference yesterday dealing with the publishing industry and I took care of a lot of paperwork.
March rounds out the 1st quarter of 2009 so I want to end it with some major accomplishments. By this time next week, we will be gearing up for the start of the 2nd quarter of 2009...time flies...let's not forget our goals, dreams, purpose for the year...let's do it.
I plan to hit the gym in April.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Church
I plan to start going to church occasionally. Right now, I don't go at all.
My mom is a very busy woman because she works full time and she goes to school full time and she goes to church and she has workstudy, part-time, at school. Since her schedule is alot more busy than years ago, because of school, she doesn't necessarily attend church each sunday but she prays with her fellow church members almost every night via phone and if she cannot make it to work on Sunday she watches a telecast on TV.
I guess she senses I am pretty down and depressed with the whole situation with my boyfriend and I, etc., so she called me to come over to her room and watch a little bit of the telecast with her. She was telling me that I should start going to church and that she wants me to save my soul, etc. I actually listened and internalized what she was telling me. She asked me to lay on the bed with her and we watched the telecast for about 10 minutes together. I'm now back in my room and decided to watch it in here as well.
I don't know when my relationship with God went sour. I use to be such a good little church girl when I was younger. I would go to church every sunday and I was in the choir for a while. At school I was in the glee club. I use to be so wholesome and so pure and good. I was raised in the Catholic church but then my mom converted to Christianity (I always thought being a catholic was being a christian so this kind of confused me)...so basically I felt like a believer without a place of worship so I slowly stopped going to church...I didn't feel Catholic anymore and I didn't really feel comfortable with going to these other churches...I wasn't use to them...it was a completely different experience.
So here I am. I am still torn...I still miss being a Catholic but I question the statues and little things here and there. I like the church my mom goes to but its too much for a shy girl like me. Its overwhelming from what I remember.
Its been about a decade since I've been to church on a regular basis. I can't believe how time flies.
Until then...
My mom is a very busy woman because she works full time and she goes to school full time and she goes to church and she has workstudy, part-time, at school. Since her schedule is alot more busy than years ago, because of school, she doesn't necessarily attend church each sunday but she prays with her fellow church members almost every night via phone and if she cannot make it to work on Sunday she watches a telecast on TV.
I guess she senses I am pretty down and depressed with the whole situation with my boyfriend and I, etc., so she called me to come over to her room and watch a little bit of the telecast with her. She was telling me that I should start going to church and that she wants me to save my soul, etc. I actually listened and internalized what she was telling me. She asked me to lay on the bed with her and we watched the telecast for about 10 minutes together. I'm now back in my room and decided to watch it in here as well.
I don't know when my relationship with God went sour. I use to be such a good little church girl when I was younger. I would go to church every sunday and I was in the choir for a while. At school I was in the glee club. I use to be so wholesome and so pure and good. I was raised in the Catholic church but then my mom converted to Christianity (I always thought being a catholic was being a christian so this kind of confused me)...so basically I felt like a believer without a place of worship so I slowly stopped going to church...I didn't feel Catholic anymore and I didn't really feel comfortable with going to these other churches...I wasn't use to them...it was a completely different experience.
So here I am. I am still torn...I still miss being a Catholic but I question the statues and little things here and there. I like the church my mom goes to but its too much for a shy girl like me. Its overwhelming from what I remember.
Its been about a decade since I've been to church on a regular basis. I can't believe how time flies.
Until then...
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Pray for Laura Ling and Euna Lee
These 2 American journalists are being detained in North Korea. They were reporting on a story in China about Korean refugees and human traffiking.
A journalist on TV this morning was explaining that the border between China and North Korea is not easy to determine especially if you are not from the area...its just a frozen river.
It looks as though Ling and Lee are being accused of illegally entering North Korea.
Laura Ling is the sister of another journalist, Lisa Ling (known for being a former host on The View and later for her poignant and well researched journalism for The Oprah Show, National Geographic's Explorer and more)
When I visited Prague, last summer, to participate in a Foreign Correspondent program, I realized that people who do this work are doing it for us. To bring us the stories that we normally would never know. Journalism has many levels and degrees and foreign correspondence can be a dangerous level but without such journalists we would not be well informed of what is going on in this world so please pray for the safe return/release of these 2 young ladies.
And visit the following sites:
http://www.lisaling.com/bio
http://current.com/users/lauraling/all/0.htm
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2009-03-21-northkorea-us-journalists_N.htm
A journalist on TV this morning was explaining that the border between China and North Korea is not easy to determine especially if you are not from the area...its just a frozen river.
It looks as though Ling and Lee are being accused of illegally entering North Korea.
Laura Ling is the sister of another journalist, Lisa Ling (known for being a former host on The View and later for her poignant and well researched journalism for The Oprah Show, National Geographic's Explorer and more)
When I visited Prague, last summer, to participate in a Foreign Correspondent program, I realized that people who do this work are doing it for us. To bring us the stories that we normally would never know. Journalism has many levels and degrees and foreign correspondence can be a dangerous level but without such journalists we would not be well informed of what is going on in this world so please pray for the safe return/release of these 2 young ladies.
And visit the following sites:
http://www.lisaling.com/bio
http://current.com/users/lauraling/all/0.htm
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2009-03-21-northkorea-us-journalists_N.htm
Friday, March 20, 2009
4 day weekend and updates
I'm off on Monday and Tuesday so my weekend is extended!
Update: The thursday before last, I arrived at the DMV at 5:29 and was told the last test was at 5:30 and I was too late, but on the phone I was told to be there before 6. I was pissed. The following Thursday (yesterday), I decided to wait until next week. So stay tuned...
Update: My boyfriend and I are trying to work it out but I need my space to figure things out.
Update: A friend of mine told me about an opening at her job and I set up an interview for this Monday. If the pay exceeds my current salary by a substantial amount and I am offered the position, I would be a fool not to accept. If the pay is basically the same as what I am making now, I might as well stay at my current job. Stay tuned..
Have a great weekend and I'll post more blogs later.
Until then...
Update: The thursday before last, I arrived at the DMV at 5:29 and was told the last test was at 5:30 and I was too late, but on the phone I was told to be there before 6. I was pissed. The following Thursday (yesterday), I decided to wait until next week. So stay tuned...
Update: My boyfriend and I are trying to work it out but I need my space to figure things out.
Update: A friend of mine told me about an opening at her job and I set up an interview for this Monday. If the pay exceeds my current salary by a substantial amount and I am offered the position, I would be a fool not to accept. If the pay is basically the same as what I am making now, I might as well stay at my current job. Stay tuned..
Have a great weekend and I'll post more blogs later.
Until then...
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I can't drive
I'm taking my permit test this month and will start driving lessons in April. When others find out I can't drive, they are usually very surprised that I can't drive and I'm in my 30's. I usually blame it on the fact that I'm a New Yorker...a true city girl. I never really needed to learn to drive but I've always WANTED to learn to drive. So I will. Age is not a factor in my life...at least I'm trying to make it a nonissue in my life. Its difficult when we live in a world that is so obsessed with age.
So wish me luck. I plan to take my permit test on Thursday.
Until then...
***Don't tell anyone but I can't swim or ride a bike, either. Those are next on my list of things to learn. I blame these to inadequacies on the rain and my self confidence...I'll explain in a later blog.
Good night.
So wish me luck. I plan to take my permit test on Thursday.
Until then...
***Don't tell anyone but I can't swim or ride a bike, either. Those are next on my list of things to learn. I blame these to inadequacies on the rain and my self confidence...I'll explain in a later blog.
Good night.
Credit Agencies
I don't understand the system or the process that is in place when these agencies determine our credit scores. How is it that my score went up with 2 and down with 1? I'm lost here.
How are we suppose to improve our credit if the outcome differs with each of the 3? It makes no logical sense why we even need 3 credit scoring agencies.
I'm determined to improve my score drastically before the year is up but its hard to do this when it feels like these agencies are playing some sort of game with us. Musical Chairs, anyone?
What gives?
And now I'm learning there is a 4th credit agency called Innovis. Interesting, indeed.
Until then...
How are we suppose to improve our credit if the outcome differs with each of the 3? It makes no logical sense why we even need 3 credit scoring agencies.
I'm determined to improve my score drastically before the year is up but its hard to do this when it feels like these agencies are playing some sort of game with us. Musical Chairs, anyone?
What gives?
And now I'm learning there is a 4th credit agency called Innovis. Interesting, indeed.
Until then...
Audition
I scheduled an audition with an agent for this upcoming Monday and I will audit an acting class this Friday and next Friday.
I am also going to register with an agency that finds non-speaking, background work for actors. I plan to do this on Monday as well.
Update added 3/20/09: I postponed the above and will get this done on the 23rd and 24th of March and will audit the acting class hopefully this Friday.
I am also going to register with an agency that finds non-speaking, background work for actors. I plan to do this on Monday as well.
Update added 3/20/09: I postponed the above and will get this done on the 23rd and 24th of March and will audit the acting class hopefully this Friday.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Celeb Apprentice, Herschel Walker...
I did a post about Herschel Walker back in August 2008 and guess what, he happens to be a contestant in Celebrity Apprentice this season. I knew he looked familiar and it hit me that I posted a blog about him. Check it out below. I also posted the Celebrity Apprentice website link.
http://www.diaryofashyblackwoman.org/2008/08/famous-black-people-with-anxiety.html
http://www.nbc.com/the-celebrity-apprentice/
http://www.diaryofashyblackwoman.org/2008/08/famous-black-people-with-anxiety.html
http://www.nbc.com/the-celebrity-apprentice/
The life span of a blog/vlog
I think to myself sometimes about how long I plan to share my story via this entity that is my blog. What is the life span of a blogger or vlogger, one that shares true life experiences and allows the world into their lives, even if its a sneak peak, a detailed breakdown, or just one angle? There are some Youtubers that put out vlogs that I love to watch and in some cases they become virtual acquaintances and sometimes friendships are born. But what happens to the psyche when all of a sudden, your virtual friend disappears into thin air - they no longer post videos or post blogs for whatever reason...maybe their account was suspended or they made a conscious decision to stop blogging/vlogging or they decided to delete their account or maybe they passed away or are going through an extremely difficult situation and cannot sign in anymore or don't care to anymore. Virtual worlds, virtual connections, virtual lives are not as stable, in many cases, as the 'real' world but they can be just as meaningful if it improves your life in immeasurable ways. Blogging is still relatively new and years from now, I wonder if we will be collectively more depressed or in better spirits as a result of these new, additional methods of communication, friendships and networking. In my case, this blog is a journey, an exploration, a way for me to put my experiences with anxiety on the map and allow opinions, both expert and not, to help me figure this thing out. Its my way of taking matters into my own hands, and while I still clam up in the 'real' world...my blog is the only place I do not shy away from...its a place I've created on my own and a sanctuary where my voice is heard. Its a safe place where I don't feel self conscious or less than. I feel powerful, I feel resourceful and I feel the love. I feel validated and I don't feel alone anymore.
So, although I don't know what the lifespan of my blog will be, I do know that my journey is not finished yet and I plan to take you all along with me.
Who would have thought I would have the opportunity to speak to thousands of people about my anxiety and still be painfully shy. I plan to move from painfully shy to a better place but if I never make it to my goal, I know I was able to experience that goal on a virtual level.
Until then...
So, although I don't know what the lifespan of my blog will be, I do know that my journey is not finished yet and I plan to take you all along with me.
Who would have thought I would have the opportunity to speak to thousands of people about my anxiety and still be painfully shy. I plan to move from painfully shy to a better place but if I never make it to my goal, I know I was able to experience that goal on a virtual level.
Until then...
Shy people don't say they're shy
I remember a comment someone (a family member) made to me when I was a kid. I forgot what the situation was but he asked me a question...I don't remember what the question was...I only remember my response. I replied, "...because I'm shy." And the reply to that was, "Shy people don't say they're shy."
It was a weird situation because it was almost like he was saying I was lying. I didn't really know what to say...its not like I was going to prove my shyness so I clammed up and quietly pondered about that moment for years, off and on.
I guess people expect that a shy person never talks and so they never share that they are shy or maybe the thought process there was a shy person would be too shy to say they are shy. I'm not really sure where he got that idea from that a shy person doesn't say they are shy.
What do you all think of this?
It was a weird situation because it was almost like he was saying I was lying. I didn't really know what to say...its not like I was going to prove my shyness so I clammed up and quietly pondered about that moment for years, off and on.
I guess people expect that a shy person never talks and so they never share that they are shy or maybe the thought process there was a shy person would be too shy to say they are shy. I'm not really sure where he got that idea from that a shy person doesn't say they are shy.
What do you all think of this?
In an earlier post
I said I was going to try 5-HTP but I don't know why I didn't blog about it. I am going to restart this and share my experience. I still have about half a bottle of capsules so I should have enough until my next payday.
Please look for that previous post b/c I had video that I found on Youtube on there, as well.
Until then...
Please look for that previous post b/c I had video that I found on Youtube on there, as well.
Until then...
Friday, March 13, 2009
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Yeah!! The new season of Celebrity Apprentice is here!
I absolutely love this show. Its a mix of ego, attitude, business savvy, ridiculousness, entertainment, friction and more!
Anyone who is considering opening their own business or working in corporate America should watch this show. It teaches you about the dog eat dog world of business and you can learn techniques by watching the contestants' trials and errors.
I take mental notes each time I watch. A shy girl like me can use all the leverage I can get.
Until then...
Anyone who is considering opening their own business or working in corporate America should watch this show. It teaches you about the dog eat dog world of business and you can learn techniques by watching the contestants' trials and errors.
I take mental notes each time I watch. A shy girl like me can use all the leverage I can get.
Until then...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)