Facebook

I have a Facebook account and all of a sudden I'm reconnecting with friends from high school and some from elementary school. I had this account for years but all of a sudden its been an overwhelming increase in contacts with old classmates.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, it opens up old wounds but on the other hand, I'm glad to hear from these people.

But once again, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I guess its due to the fact that I feel like I'm not on their level of accomplishments and the reason I am not yet on the level that I wish I were on is because of my anxiety disorder.

I HATE SOCIAL ANXIETY! When I say its robbed me of my life, I'm not kidding. Its painful to deal with. It hurts to think about all the regrets I am left with. Although I try to be optimistic the facts remain the facts. I wasted years of my life. I can't get them back.

Until then...

Joan Rivers

I saw an interview with Joan Rivers last night. I don't recall what program I was watching and who the interviewer was but Joan Rivers is now a new fave of mine!

She said something along the lines of: If you don't live your life to the fullest, you're a fool; if you think you're so terrific, you're an ass.

I love that quote!

I did a little research on more quotes and here is another I found that is awesome: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

During the interview, I learned that she had a husband that committed suicide. How awful! Its true when the say a lot of comedy comes from pain.

Joan Rivers rocks!

PHOTOS

I WILL TRY TO USE PHOTOS THAT I HAVE TAKEN ON THIS BLOG FROM NOW ON...IT WILL PERSONALIZE THIS BLOG MORE!

IT WILL ALSO GIVE YOU ALL A GLIMPSE OF MY LIFE THROUGH MY LENS!



UNTIL THEN...

Tiles...

I LIKE! PHOTO COURTESY OF DIARY OF A SHY BLACK WOMAN

The introverted freelancer...

I am trying to get back on my freelance writing grind again! I was never completely in it but I am trying to match up to my old ways and surpass them.

I submitted an article and a poem to Essence Magazine this week and I hope to get a reply back, yay or nay...either way, I made the steps to get this started. My submissions were not related to my anxiety.

I also have my eyes set on submitting 2 more pieces to another publication by mid February.

I would love to freelance write, etc. and have the luxury of free time to have great conversations over tea with family and friends while vacationing in St. Tropez every now and then...a girl can dream! LOL.

Oh, by the way...I am loving the book The Happy Introvert. I am reading that one first. It is refreshing to see my anxiety through a whole new perspective and angle. I have questions now, more questions. I thought I had it all figured out about what my anxiety was, who I am, and such but this book has opened my mind to more! I like that.

I don't think the author is doing interviews. I believe I emailed her and was told she isn't doing interviews but I'll have to double check my emails. Either way, I'd like to do a radio show on this topic. I also want to finish reading the other 2 books that share a similar angle and get a conversation going about this. (update 3-15-2009- I was wrong...it was actually Laurie, the author of Introvert Power who is not available for interviews now...I emailed the author of The Happy Introvert but I never received a reply...I'll keep trying)

One thing I wanted to clarify...because it came to mind while I was reading...I want to clarify that although I am trying to overcome my social phobia, I don't see my TRUE self as being a party animal or a loud person...I do believe that my natural disposition is a bit reserved but at the same time, my anxiety as it is, is extreme and entails a lot of specifics and general issues that I have tried to share in this blog.

I haven't really gone into depth in my blogs about the psychological effects of the past, my present environment and my fear of the future but I will try to start being more open and stay on topic about why I started this blog.

This blog means so much to me. I can't even put into words. Its all the things I've wanted to share with close family and friends but don't have the courage but I am able to connect with real people, nonetheless and feel like I am being validated and heard and sometimes, I actually feel like I've helped a person or two out there.

Until then...

I actually did not work out today...I took the day off from work...sort of...

I worked from home as I have a terrible cold and my throat is sore from coughing so much. Working from home sucks when you really need a full sick day to relax but if I take a day off, I will only wind up being overwhelmed by the workload the following day.

I'll be back at work tomorrow...back to the rat race that is Manhattan from 9-5

; - (

Cheyenne Diner on 33rd Street & 9th Avenue (a historic freestanding diner)

I had a few meals at this diner and I absolutely loved those mornings when my boyfriend and I had the delicious split pea soup. Ah, the memories!

I heard the bad news that the diner was closed but today, I heard semi-good news: the diner is moving to the south after a buyer in Alabama made a deal. There was talk of the diner moving to Brooklyn, which would have been nice but the deal fell through.

I will actually consider visiting the South to check out the new digs whenever I get a chance to visit.

Its sad to see this diner go because for a shy girl like me, its hard to find warm, cozy spots like these where a girl can sit by the window and eat without feeling overwhelmed.

So far so good

I've been getting so much stuff done...logistics...etc. I'm seriously inspired by the Obama Family. Its like a hole has been filled in my heart.

I am getting ready to throw out some stuff and then, I will try to do a bit of light reading, then I will try to finish this poem I've been working on about what Obama's presidency means to me, then I will try to complete a business plan I've been putting off, from there I will try to update and type up a few articles I wrote years ago that I never submitted to be published (I'll give it a shot...who knows!?) and lastly, I will try to make my month old braids look descent for work tomorrow.

Until then...

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

http://twitter.com/painfullyshy

I will start my workout tomorrow!

Wish me luck. Here I go...on the road to weight loss!

UPDATED: 1-25-09**********I AM ACTUALLY STARTING ON MONDAY MORNING! THE GYM OPENS AT 6AM SO I WILL GET THERE BY 7:30AM AND WORKOUT FOR AN HOUR AND THEN START WORK AT 9AM. IT WILL BE BETTER FOR ME TO GET IT OUT THE WAY IN THE MORNING SO I CAN ENJOY MY LUNCH BREAK AND GO STRAIGHT HOME AFTER WORK! FURTHERMORE, MY METABOLISM WILL BE UP FOR TEH REST OF THE DAY AND I'LL BURN MORE CALORIES (I READ THAT SOMEWHERE)***********************

A new era of consciousness!

Yes We Can!

HAPPY DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. DAY!

Online Therapy

I found 2 therapists that provide online therapy sessions. All I need is a webcam to accompany my web connection. I have to get a webcam asap. I contacted both doctors today and will keep you all posted. If anything, maybe I can ask one of them to participate in a radio show.

Until then...

GENERATION X OR GENERATION Y??

I WAS BORN IN 1977 AND SOME ARTICLES PLACE ME IN THE GENERATION X CATEGORY WHILE OTHERS IN GENERATION Y.

Shouldn't this be more "point blank". There should be a general rule and cut off year that is used to determine what generation a person belongs too.
_______________________________

According to Wikipedia:
As generations are defined not by formal process but rather by demographers, the press and media, popular culture, market researchers, and by members of the generation themselves, there is no precise consensus as to which birth years constitute any generation. Although different groups or individuals consider a different range of years to constitute Generation Y, that range of years is almost always within the outer bounds of 1976 as the earliest possible year and 2001 as the latest. The ongoing debate is in part due to the lack of a single marquee event or events, analogous to the end of World War II for the boom in births for "Baby Boomer" generation.

_______________________________

Others say that Generation Y begins at 1979 or 1980 and ends with those born in 2000 and Generation X began around 165 and ended with those born around 1980 but there is still an overlap. Maybe I'm thinking too hard about this but its annoying when I am trying to do research or write an article and I need facts and this info is inconsistent.

As I straddle between both generations, I wonder if this whole thing is going too far now. Are they simply naming generations just to name them now. I mean for goodness sake, Generation Y has about 4 names that are used interchangably (The Net Generation, Millennials, Echo Boomers, and iGeneration.) I feel like I belong to both generations but ideally I'm probably more of a Generation Xer.
_______________________________
Here is an interesting article:
http://www.jour.unr.edu/outpost/specials/genx.overvw1.html


But for the most part these are the generations as it appears in Wikipedia:

List of generations. (2009, January 18). In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 18:26, January 18, 2009, from http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=List_of_generations&oldid=264796929
MLA style

20th-21st century America

1883-1900 (18 years)

The Lost Generation was a term originally used to identify a group of American literary expatriates living in Paris in the 1920s and 1930s; it is now used more generally to describe the generation of young people who came of age in the United States during and shortly after World War I. Very few Americans from this generation are currently alive.




1901-1924 (24 years)

The G.I. Generation, the generation of veterans that fought and won World War II, later to become the Establishment, and the parents of children who would later become the Baby Boomers (born 1946-1964). Journalist Tom Brokaw dubbed this the Greatest Generation in a 1998 book of that name.




1925-1945 (20 years)

The Silent Generation was the generation born between the two World Wars, who were too young to join the service when World War II started. Many had fathers who served in World War I.



1946-1954 (8 years)

The Baby Boomers (Boom Generation) were the generation born just after World War II, a time that included a 14-year increase in birthrate worldwide. Baby Boomers in their teen and college years were characteristically part of the 1960s counterculture, but later became more conservative.



1955-1964 (9 years)

Generation Jones was the heretofore lost generation between the Boomers and GenXers, which has emerged now as a bona fide distinct generation. The election of Barack Obama to the U.S. Presidency created significantly increased awareness of this generation as many prominent sources referred to Obama as specifically a member of Generation Jones.



1965-1979 (14 years)

Generation X is the generation born between approximately 1965 to 1979, and connected to the pop culture of the 1980s and 1990s they grew up in. Other names used interchangeably with Reagan Generation, Generation X are 13th Generation and Baby Busters. Most of this generation are children of The Baby Boomers and The Silent Generation. Those born before 1973 spent most of their teen years in the 1980s.[1]



1980-2000 (20 years)

Generation Y has emerged as a powerful political and social force. Millennials are the largest generation in American history. Born between 1978 and 2000, they are 95 million strong, compared to 78 million Baby Boomers.


2001-present

This latest generation is un-named as they haven't come into their own yet. Early names have included Generation Z, "Generation V" (for virtual), "Generation C" (for community, content or cell phone), "The New Silent Generation", the "Internet Generation", and "Gen @." Generation Z are very young but active consumers, and very connected, being born into a world of digital technology.

CERTIFIED HONEST BLOGGER AWARD - SEPTEMBER 2008

ON SEPTEMBER 16, 2008 I RECEIVED A CERTIFIED HONEST BLOGGER AWARD PASSED ONTO ME FROM BLACKWOMENBLOWTHETRUMPET. I WAS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THIS SLIPPED MY MIND AND THEN I REALIZED THAT MY DAD PASSED AWAY ON SEPTEMBER 16, 2007 SO I WAS NOT THINKING STRAIGHT.

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER, THOUGH!

I WILL CHOOSE 7 BLOGGERS TO PASS THIS ONTO IN A FEW DAYS.

I HAPPEN TO LOVE THE BLOG: BLACKWOMENBLOWTHETRUMPET, SO IT MAKES THIS AWARD THAT MUCH SWEETER AND MEANINGFUL TO ME!

http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com/2008/09/elevating-celebrating-recognizing.html

RULES: 1. When you receive the award, write a post showing it & include the name of blog that has presented you with the award & provide link to that blog. 2. Choose a minimum of seven blogs that you feel are brilliant in their content or design. 3. Show their names & links & leave them a comment informing them that they were recognized with this award. 4. (Optional) Show a picture of those who awarded you & those you give the prize to. 5. Pass it on!

"Poem" by Taproot (my boyfriend shared this song with me today)

Taproot - Poem
Uploaded by iori_killer

"POEM" by TAPROOT (Lyrics)
overbearing panic attack entrenching my veins
in an hour i'll be ok
i pray this pain will go away permanently someday
I'VE seen more than...
I should have to...
I'VE seen this on my own

this song is a,
poem to myself,
it helps me to live...
in case of fire,
BREAK the glass,
and move on into your own...

reoccurring drowning effect entrenching my brain,
i hope you'll be ok someday,
so i can say that you moved on in the right way...
WE'VE seen this and
WE'VE breathed this and
WE'VE lived this on our own...

this song is a,
poem to myself,
it helps me to live...
in case of fire,
BREAK the glass,
and move on into your own...
your own...

BREAK...

this song is a,
poem to myself,
it helps me to live...
in case of fire,
BREAK the glass,
and move on into your own...

yes yes yes

its 2:21 and i'm still awake...as usual.

pOST cOLONOSCOPY

I had the procedure done this morning. I ate NOTHING yesterday! The prep for the colonoscopy was a little difficult but not that bad.

Good news: the doctor found NO signs of cancer, no polyps, etc.

Bad news: the lining of my colon did not look normal so the doctor will run some tests and call me.

I hope its nothing serious but for the most part everything looks good.

I am feeling slight discomfort in my stomach area...slight cramps. I slept most of the day when I got home and I am going to sleep in a couple of hours so I can have an energetic Sunday!

Love you all!!! Thanks for all the support and all the love! I really Love Ya'll!!!!!!!!!!!

Until then...

The Happy Introvert

Oh, by the way...another book that I ordered arrived...its called The Happy Introvert!

still awake...

im up but im tired...you know the deal...its like this practically every night. i need my beauty sleep...i have to figure something out and try to get at least 8 hours in each night soon. its taking its toll.

nighty night.

GEORGE WALKER BUSH- 43RD PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

THE YEAR I WAS BORN, GEORGE BUSH MARRIED LAURA AND SOON AFTER BEGAN HIS POLITICAL CAREER BY RUNNING FOR THE UNITED STATES HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES...HE DIDN'T WIN.

FAST FORWARD TO THE BIRTH OF THE NEW MILLENIUM...THE YEAR 2000 WAS THE YEAR GEORGE BUSH BECAME PRESIDENT OF THE U.S. OF A.

LESS THAN A YEAR LATER, WE WERE FACED WITH THE SEPTEMBER 11TH ATTACKS ON U.S. SOIL AND THE REST AS THEY SAY - IS HISTORY.

MY EXPERIENCE WITH THE BUSH PRESIDENCY HAS BEEN A STRUGGLE...I LOOK BACK AT MYSELF...8 YEARS AGO...I WAS 23 AND LOOKING FOR OPPORTUNITIES. I CAN'T SAY OPPORTUNITIES WERE NOT AROUND BUT THIS WAR...THIS NEVERENDING WAR TOOK A TOLL ON NOT ONLY MY LIFE...MY WORLD...BUT IT SHOOK EVERYONE IN SOME WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. WE WERE ALL AFFECTED BY THIS WHETHER WE SUPPORTED THE WAR OR NOT.

I FEEL LIKE GEORGE BUSH HAD AN OPPORTUNITY, JUST LIKE ME, TO MAKE HIS MARK IN OTHER AREAS BESIDES FIGHTING WITH OTHER COUNTRIES AND I FEEL LIKE HE DIDN'T SIEZE THOSE MOMENTS THE WAY HE SHOULD HAVE.

THIS IS THE PRESIDENT WHO COULD HAVE RALLIED GENERATION X AND GENERATION Y & HELPED TO UPLIFT THESE GENERATIONS THAT WOULD HAVE AFFECTED CHANGE IN THEIR 20'S IN A MAJOR WAY. ITS NOT THE SOLE JOB OF THE PRESIDENT TO LEAD US IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION BUT IT IS HIS JOB NONETHELESS. YOU WERE OUR LEADER, REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU HAD THE POPULAR VOTE OR NOT...YOU WERE CHOSEN AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT HAPPENED.

I AM NOT SURE IF YOU HAD OUR BEST INTENTIONS IN MIND OR IF YOU HAD YOUR OWN MOTIVES. I AM NOT SURE, I DON'T KNOW...I MAY NEVER KNOW BUT I FEEL LIKE I WAS NEGLECTED BY THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION.

WHAT HAPPENED WITH 'NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND?' WHAT HAPPENED WITH KATRINA? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER YOU DECLARED THAT THE WAR HAD ENDED? WHAT HAPPENED?

THERE HAVE BEEN PRESIDENTS IN THE PAST WHOSE PRESIDENCY WERE NOT OVERALL SUCCESSES BUT THEY REDEEMED THEMSELVES IN THEIR POST PRESIDENTIAL LIFE AND I HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU DO, TOO, MR. PRESIDENT. [JUST LIKE JIMMY CARTER DID (ACCORDING TO A PBS SPECIAL I SAW RECENTLY)]

I VOTED FOR GORE AND KERRY AND WAS DEVASTATED WHEN THEY LOST THE ELECTION BUT THEY SAY "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON" - SO I HOPE WE AS A COUNTRY REFLECT ON THIS EXPERIENCE AND LEARN AND GROW FROM IT ALL AS WE HAVE SO MANY YEARS, DECADES AHEAD (GOD -WILLING) AND WE HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT AT SOME POINT.

WE HAVE MANY ISSUES TO FOCUS ON:

EDUCATION

ECONOMY

DOMESTIC AND FOREIGN

IMMIGRATION

EDUCATION

HEALTH

SOCIAL SERVICES AND SOCIAL SECURITY

ENVIRONMENTAL AND ENERGY

WE HAVE TO START BEING MORE PROACTIVE AS CITIZENS AND NOT SIT AROUND WAITING FOR OTHERS TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE.

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING THAT ALARMS YOU ARE RAISES QUESTIONS...SHOOT A QUICK EMAIL TO ONE OF THE LOCAL POLITICIANS IN YOUR AREA AND SAVE THE EMAIL...FOLLOW UP ON THE ISSUE.

A RECENT CONCERN OF MINE IS THE SITUATION THAT JUST OCCURRED WITH THE EMERGENCY LANDING AT HUDSON RIVER IN NYC...I HEAR IT WAS CAUSED BY BIRDS BUT I DON'T KNOW THE FULL DETAILS YET. MY QUESTION IS, SHOULDN'T WE USE MODERN TECHNOLOGY TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO CREATE PLANE ENGINES THAT ARE NOT AFFECTED BY BIRDS AND THAT CAN REDUCE HARM TO THE BIRDS AS WELL SINCE WE ARE IN THEIR TERRITORY? IT SEEMS ASSONINE THAT IN 2008, A BIRD COULD BE THE CAUSE OF A PLANE GOING DOWN. I AM GOING TO EMAIL SOMEBODY AND SAVE THAT EMAIL BECAUSE IF I AM CONCERNED, I KNOW OTHERS ARE TOO. ANOTHER CONCERN OF MINE IS THAT I FEEL THAT RESIDENTIAL BUILDINGS SHOULD HAVE FIRE DRILLS OR HAVE BETTER PLANS IN PLACE TO PREPARE TENANTS FOR FIRE EMERGENCIES BECAUSE A FIRE ALARM, ALONE, IS NOT ENOUGH ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE ON TOP FLOORS.

SO, MY POINT IS ***LET'S BE PROACTIVE!***

I AM NOT SURE IF ITS THE OVERLY SENSITIVE SIDE OF ME, BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL EMPATHETIC WITH GEORGE BUSH EVERY TIME I SEE HIM NOW. I DON'T AGREE WITH MANY OF HIS DECISIONS BUT I STILL HAVE A HEART AND I FEEL SOOO BAD FOR HIM BECAUSE HE IS THE BUTT OF SO MANY JOKES AND PEOPLE ARE NOT SEEING THE FACT THAT THE JOB OF A PRESIDENT IS NOT EASY. WE WILL NEVER TRULY KNOW HIS INTENTIONS AND IT IS MY HOPE THAT HE HAD GOOD INTENTIONS BUT ITS NOT FOR ME TO JUDGE.

UNTIL THEN...

DOASBW

MIRACLE ON THE HUDSON

A plane could have crashed today but thanks to the skills of the Pilot, Crew, Flight Attendants, etc...the plane made an emergency landing in the Hudson River and as of the latest news...EVERYONE ON BOARD SURVIVED! I hear this is the most successful emergency landing in water in HISTORY.

NEXT TIME I'M ON A PLANE, I WILL BE SURE TO PAY EXTRA ATTENTION TO THE ONBOARD SAFETY DEMO. I STOPPED PAYING ATTENTION AFTER A COUPLE OF FLIGHTS BECAUSE MY THINKING WAS, "IF THE PLANE CRASHES THE TIPS ON THE DEMO WOULD BE USELESS TO ME." BUT THEY ARE NOT USELESS IN CASES LIKE THESE.

I am so happy for each survivor (ALL 155 OF THEM) and I am sooo relieved for their families and friends. THE PLANE WAS ONLY ON ROUTE FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES OUT OF LAGUARDIA AIRPORT BEFORE THIS INCIDENT TOOK PLACE. IT WAS HEADED TO NORTH CAROLINA.

TODAY IS ONE OF THE COLDEST DAYS THIS WINTER IN NEW YORK AND THESE PEOPLE WERE IN THE WATER, SOME ON THE WING OF THE PLANE...LATER, MANY WERE TAKEN TO NEARBY HOSPITALS TO BE TREATED FOR INJURIES AND HYPOTHERMIA.

I HEARD ON THE NEWS THAT THERE WAS A TODDLER ON BOARD, TOO.

LIFE IS PRECIOUS...YOU NEVER KNOW...MORE REASON WHY THE PAINFULLY SHY MUST LIVE NOW BECAUSE TOMORROW IS NOT PROMISED. THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES HERE.

FOR MORE ON THIS STORY VISIT: http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jV9WYV6yQ3vPpmH9qhG6db-zhzqQD95NRK0O0

UNTIL THEN...

guess what?

I'm up late - yet again. It 1:41am as I write this.

Anyway, have a blessed night and tomorrow is a new day to get it right. So forgive yourself for any of today's mistakes, let it go, learn from them, breath in, breath out, sigh and look ahead.

Until then...

I JOINED A GYM TODAY

I WILL START WORKING OUT POSSIBLY TOMORROW. I HAVE TO GET A LONG TSHIRT TO COVER MY BUTTOCKS B/C I PURCHASED EXERCISE PANTS AND THEY ARE COMFORTABLE BUT NOT AS LOOSE AS I'D LIKE THEM TO BE. THEY ARE POLYESTER AND SPANDEX SO YOU GET MY DRIFT.

I GET A ONE HOUR LUNCH BREAK AND THE GYM IS ABOUT 5 MINUTES AWAY. I WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER FOR THE 45 MINUTE SPIN CLASS AT 12:30PM SO THAT MEANS I WOULD HAVE TO BREAK FOR LUNCH AT AROUND 12:20 AND CHANGE INTO MY GYM ATTIRE IN 5 MINUTES, WALK TO THE GYM AND ARRIVE AT 12:30 THEN LEAVE AT 1:15 AND ARRIVE AT WORK AT 1:20 BUT THEN I NEED AN EXTRA 15 MINUTES TO FRESHEN UP ETC...ITS NOT GOING TO WORK...UUGGHH!!!!!!!!!!

I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO USE THE JUMP ON THE TREADMILL OR SOMETHING FOR ABOUT HALF AN HOUR EACH DAY DURING MY LUNCH HOUR. AN IF I'M UP TO IT, I'LL TAKE AN EXERCISE CLASS AFTER WORK. I LIKE THE SPIN CLASSES B/C ITS KIND OF DARK IN THERE BUT THEY ALSO HAVE YOGA...THAT WOULD BE GREAT, TOO.

I WANT TO LOSE OVER 50LBS BUT THAT MIGHT BE TOO MUCH...I'LL JUST PLAY BY EAR. I WANT TO BE SLIM AND TRIM BY THE END OF SPRING/BEGINNING OF SUMMER.

ANYONE ELSE ON A DIET? LETS SHARE IDEAS, TIPS, TRICKS, ETC!

LAYOFFS

The bad news keeps coming at my job...we had layoffs a couple of months ago and today we got some more bad news...A SALARY FREEZE ; - (. I JUST WROTE AN ENTRY ABOUT NEGOTIATING A SALARY INCREASE AND THIS HAPPENS!!!

FURTHERMORE, MY EMPLOYER WILL NO LONGER MATCH A PERCENTAGE TOWARDS OUR 401K.

I AM THINKING OF STOPPING MY CONTRIBUTIONS AND MOVING MY FUNDS TO A SAVINGS ACCOUNT BUT I'M NOT SURE IF THAT IS THE BEST IDEA. MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE 50% TO MY SAVINGS ACCT AND LEAVE THE REST IN MY 401K AND STOP CONTRIBUTING UNTIL THE ECONOMY GETS BETTER.

I AM STARTING TO GET NERVOUS ABOUT LOSING MY JOB...WHAT HAPPENS IF MY CLIENT FOLDS OVER AND FILES FOR BANKRUPTCY? THESE DAYS ITS HARD TO PREDICT WHICH COMPANIES ARE GOING TO SUFFER AND I HOPE MY CLIENT STAYS STRONG. SO FAR, EVERYTHING SEEMS OKAY BUT I WILL CONTINUE TO SEND OUT RESUMES AND LOOK TOWARDS ADDITIONAL MEANS OF MAKING EXTRA MONEY SUCH AS A PART TIME JOB IN THE EVENINGS OR MAYBE FREELANCE WRITING...IF MY MAGAZINE DOES OKAY I CAN GET EXTRA CASH FROM AD SPACE SALES.

IF I DO GET THE AXE...ALTHOUGH IT WILL BE A SETBACK FOR ME, FINANCIALLY, IT WILL BE A GREAT SIGH OF RELIEF BECAUSE IT WILL FORCE ME TO GO FOR WHAT I REALLY WANT. I SAW A PIECE THIS MORNING ON GOOD DAY NEW YORK ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING AFTER DREAMS AFTER BEING LAID OFF - THEY HAD PUT THEIR DREAMS ON HOLD BUT HAVE NOW DECIDED THEY HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE. ONE LADY ENROLLED IN CULINARY SCHOOL TO PURSUE HER DREAM OF BECOMING A CHEF. ANOTHER MAN, WORKS AT STARBUCKS (NOT EXACTLY HIS DREAM JOB) BUT HE IS LEARNING SOCIAL SKILLS AND HOPES TO BE PROMOTED TO A MANAGERIAL POSITION IN NO TIME.

MY GOAL AND YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME...TRY TO SAVE UP TO 6 MONTHS WORTH OF EMERGENCY FUNDS...DON'T THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH IT IS AND HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE TO GET THERE...JUST START SAVING NOW AND ASK THE BANK TO DELINK YOUR SAVINGS ACCOUNT FROM YOUR DEBIT CARD TO PREVENT YOU FROM DIPPING INTO YOUR SAVINGS. DON'T GET DISCOURAGED, START SAVING NOW.

THIS ECONOMY IS SO UNPREDICTABLE AND ITS CRUCIAL THAT YOU THINK OF YOUR FUTURE SELF AND HAVE YOUR OWN BACK SO SAVE, SAVE, SAVE.

ALL THESE FACTORS: JOB AND ECONOMIC UNPREDICTABILITY (ETC.) CAN CAUSE ANXIETY SO TRY TO EASE THIS BY PLANNING AHEAD.

Boring...

One of my pet peeves about having a social anxiety disorder is that people probably perceive me as being BORING. My coworker forwarded me an email that was sent to a few others about going out for drinks tonight and I turned down the invitation. I've turned down many other previous invites so I guess that is why I wasn't included in the main email that was sent out.

This leads me to a memory: years ago, about a year or 2 after high school...during a phone conversation with a long time friend that I knew since the 4th grade (but became close in the 7th grade)...she shared something with me that truly hurt my feelings. She told me that another long time friend that I was best friends with since the 4th grade told her that she thought I was boring. I was so hurt...I probably cried that night but I don't remember. It hurt because this was my best friend from 4th grade though high school and I never knew she thought this of me. It was a horrible revelation but based on how my anxiety makes me act...its true.

I have a complex about being boring now b/c I am sooo aware of how quiet I tend to be and I know that is how others see it. They can't see how my palms get sweaty and how my heart races and they can't feel the butterflies in my stomache and the agony I feel when I am in a social setting. All they see is a woman who doesn't talk much and doesn't socialize at lunch and a woman who is boring.

The painful part of all this is that I love words and I can appreciate great conversation. I love it! Its the only way to work through the issues of life...through social interaction and intriguing conversation that forces you to ask questions, come up with ideas and act on them. Social interaction is what is needed for people to connect with others and to help others. Its part of life.

Me...boring...maybe to others, but I know that I am just imprisoned by my anxiety and the perception is that I am boring but in my heart and my dreams I am very interesting and I have a lot to contribute to society and to share. So I am going to start working on how this perception of me by others has turned into my perception of my own self. I must admit, I did start to own that characterization of myself but I no longer will as it is not mine. Its a label placed on me by outside forces who do not know me REALLY AND TRULY.

I'M RAMBLING BUT IF YOU SEE YOURSELF AS BORING, ITS TIME TO DEFINE WHAT THAT REALLY IS. I DON'T THINK ANYONE IS BORING. I THINK WE ALL HAVE LIMITATIONS AND BOXES THAT ARE PUT ON US AND I BELIEVE WE DEFINE OURSELVES BASED ON WHAT OTHERS THINK OF US AND THEN WE START TO BECOME THAT DEFINITION BUT ITS TIME TO START DEFINING YOURSELF ON YOUR OWN TERMS. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK. SAY IT WITH ME....IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU! YOU HAVE TO LIVE BECOME YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF (I THINK I HEARD OPRAH SAY THAT)

This post is all over the place and I probably repeated the same thought several times here but you get my drift. I am not going to read this one over and make any corrections b/c I'm tired so once again please forgive me for any grammatical/spelling/etc. errors.

Until then...

I'm still awake ; - (

I'm tired, though. Just have a lot on my mind. Thought I'd say goodnight...its almost 2am.

By the way, I wonder who this 'dianefan' is? Did you hear Tina Fey's acceptance speech at the Golden Globes Awards? She told a few 'internet stalkers' to "suck it!" It was funny and different.

Okay. Bye...goodnight.

Thank Goodness for A New Day in the morning!

Until then...

FIRE!

My niece saw 3 fire trucks from the living room window view and she alerted the rest of the family. We also smelled smoke in the hallway. Its crazy how we took so long to get out.

My mom told us to alert her if its serious when we get outside but I kept telling her she should just get dressed and come down with us. Even if she thought it wasn't too serious, I think she should have been more proactive because YOU NEVER KNOW.

So my niece and her baby daughter and I went downstairs and we were the only ones out there. lol!! The firemen were there and a couple of police officers.

My niece and I spoke about how we are so unprepared should an emergency like this REALLY happen. I am going to start trying to get everyone in the apartment to put together an emergency bag and have everything they would need to grab ready in the case we ever go through such an unfortunate disaster.

Also, we live on a top floor and it makes it even more difficult to conceive a way to escape if we were entrapped in a fire.

Its very scary. Does your family have fire drills and fire saftey plans in place? Share any advice with all the readers of this blog...tips for safety, etc! It makes it easier to relax when you know you are prepared for these circumstances.

Share your tips, websites, etc!

http://www.firesafety.gov/

SOME INTERESTING VIDEOS...WHAT DO YOU THING?

COLON HEALTH AND HEALTH...PERIOD

I HAVE BEEN CONCERNED ABOUT EVERY PART OF MY BODY/HEALTH BECAUSE OF ALL THE STATISTICS ON PEOPLE DYING OR BEING DIAGNOSED WITH SOME SORT OF AILMENT, ESPECIALLY CANCER. MY FATHER WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER ON HIS DEATH BED. IF THEY HAD CAUGHT THIS MUCH EARLIER, MAYBE HE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE TODAY. THIS WAS LESS THAN 2 YEARS AGO.

SO I WENT TO A GASTROENTEROLOGIST & TALK ABOUT BEING NERVOUS!!! I WAS SO EMBARRASSED B/C THEY HAVE TO LITERALLY CHECK YOUR ANUS. YES...YOUR ANUS, PEOPLE. (SORRY FOR BEING SO GRAPHIC IN MY CHOICE OF WORDS)

I WASN'T SURE IF THEY WOULD REALLY CHECK ME DOWN THERE SINCE IT WAS MY FIRST VISIT AND I HAD TO FILL OUT PAPERWORK, ETC. BUT THE DOCTOR DID.

FOR ALL YOU SHY'S OUT THERE, IT WAS NOT SO BAD. ITS QUICK AND I DID NOT COME CLOSE TO A PANIC ATTACK...I WAS JUST NERVOUS.

I AM AFRAID THAT MANY PEOPLE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY AVOID GOING TO THE DOCTOR B/C OF THEIR ANXIETIES. BUT PLEASE DO...MAKE A LIST OF EVERYTHING ON YOUR BODY THAT DOES NOT FEEL LIKE ITS WORKING OR FUNCTIONING 100% LIKE WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER...MAKE THE LIST, MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN AND TAKE IT FROM THERE.

EVEN IF ITS EMBARRASSING. IF ITS TOO EMBARRASSING AND YOU DON'T NEED A REFERRAL, SIMPLY LOOK UP THE SPECIALIST AND WHEN YOU CALL TO MAKE AN APPT TRY TO GIVE AS MUCH INFO OVER THE PHONE AND LET THE RECEPTIONIST KNOW THAT YOU HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER AND YOU WOULD LIKE TO REMAIN AS DISCREET AS POSSIBLE WHEN YOU ARE IN THE OFFICE.

THE REASON I SAY THIS IS BECAUSE I HEARD THE RECEPTIONIST TALKING TO A PATIENT THAT WAS ON HER WAY OUT...SHE HAD ALREADY SEEN THE DOCTOR, AND THE RECEPTIONIST WAS SO INDISCREET AS FAR AS LETTING THE LADY KNOW WHAT CERTAIN PRESCRIPTIONS WERE FOR. I WAS EMBARRASSED FOR THE LADY BUT SHE DIDN'T SEEM TO CARE (I WISH I HAD HER ATTITUDE).

ANYHOO, MAKE SURE YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO BUT MAKE THOSE DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS AND GET THAT STUFF OUT OF THE WAY EARLY THIS YEAR. DENTIST, EYES, PHYSICAL/CHECKUP, GYN, ETC...ETC...JUST GET IT DONE.

ONE THING I WANT TO ASK MY PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN IS TO CHECK MY THYROID (USUALLY YOU HAVE TO ASK B/C ITS NOT ROUTINE) AS I READ THAT THIS COULD CONTRIBUTE TO WEIGHT GAIN ALSO I WANT TO ASK ABOUT HYPOGLYCEMIA AS I READ THAT HYPOGLYCEMIA COULD PRODUCE ANXIETY LIKE SYMPTOMS. SO ITS GOOD TO MAKE SURE YOUR ANXIETY IS NOT RELATED TO SUCH AN ILLNESS.

I HAVE A SWEET TOOTH SO I DEFINITELY NEED TO MAKE SURE I DO NOT HAVE HYPOGLYCEMIA.

ITS IMPORTANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR STAR PLAYER ***YOURSELF*** LIKE KAT WILLIAMS SAID IN HIS STAND UP ACT: IT'S PIMPIN PIMPIN.

***I THINK THIS POST IS RIDDLED WITH SPELLING ERRORS BUT I AM VERY TIRED SO ONCE AGAIN "I'M SORRY"...I HAVE A THING FOR GRAMMAR, SYNTAX, & SPELLING THAT IS WHY I AM APOLOGIZING TO YOU. ***

MY POINT IS: GET CHECKED, STAY HEALTHY!!

OH, AND BY THE WAY, ITS NOT OVER...I'M HAVING A COLONOSCOPY DONE ON SATURDAY. DOCTORS USUALLY ONLY PERFORM THIS ON PATIENTS OVER 50 YEARS OLD BUT IF YOU ARE YOUNGER AND HAVE A FAMILY HISTORY OF CANCER, AND OTHER ISSUES THEY MIGHT ALLOW IT.

ANOTHER BOOK RECOMMENDATION

SOCIAL INTERACTION...UNDERGROUND

I THINK THE NEW YORK CITY SUBWAY SYSTEM IS A GREAT PLACE TO STUDY SOCIAL INTERACTION. ITS VERY ODD TO ME BUT I AM A CONTRIBUTOR TO THE ODDITY OF THE SITUATION.

I FIND MYSELF TRYING TO FIND A PLACE TO LOOK AT BECAUSE ITS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE STANDING AROUND LOOKING AROUND. ITS VERY AWKWARD. AND WHEN THE TRAIN IS PACKED ITS EVEN WORSE B/C YOU HAVE NO WHERE TO LOOK.

I FIND MYSELF LOOKING ALL OVER THE PLACE, READING ADS, LOOKIN AT THE FLOOR, GLANCING AT PEOPLE, LOOKING AT THE TIME...ITS HORRIBLE.

AND YOU CAN ALWAYS FEEL SOMEONE LOOKING AT YOU. THE WORST THING IS WHEN YOU GLANCE AT SOMEONE AND THEY HAPPEN TO HAVE BEEN STARING AT YOU AND YOU LOOK AWAY AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE AND THEN YOU GLANCE AGAIN REAL QUICK TO SEE IF THEY ARE STILL LOOKING AND THEY HAPPEN TO HAVE GLANCED BACK AT YOU AT THE SAME TIME....OR SOMETHING OF THAT NATURE...IT IS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

I THINK SOMEONE SHOULD DO A DOCUMENTARY ON THIS...SERIOUSLY...ITS FASCINATING.

WHAT DID I DO DIFFERENTLY TODAY?

ASK YOURSELF, "WHAT HAVE I DONE DIFFERENTLY (OR IS IT JUST DIFFERENT) TODAY TO BETTER MYSELF?"

I WILL SHARE WHAT I DID. IT WAS VERY SIMPLE.

I USUALLY WALK INTO MY OFFICE AREA AND GREET MY COWORKERS WITH A SIMPLE SMILE AND A "GOOD MORNING!"

TODAY, I ADDED ONE LITTLE SENTENCE TO MY USUAL GREETING...I ASKED, "HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING THIS MORNING?"

that was it

"HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING THIS MORNING?"

I gotta tell you my coworkers were receptive, open, and shared how cold they were and they smiled and it seems like I warmed them up for the entire day.

DO YOU THINK ITS POSSIBLE THAT PEOPLE PROBABLY PERCEIVE ME TO BE COLD AND CONCEITED, RATHER THAN SHY? I think people do but I don't understand why. Its kind of obvious that I am extremely shy. Its hard being shy b/c you don't want to share that info with people b/c you don't want that lable in the workplace but on the other hand, you kind of have to share it to avoid misconceptions such as labeling you as rude, standoffish, and antisocial/unfriendly. I smile all the time, though. So, I doubt anyone thinks I'm unfriendly. Maybe they think I'm stupid. If I saw someone who smiles as much as I do, I would probably think things even though I try not to judge. Or maybe they think, I'm fake. Or maybe they think I'm...I don't know what.

But based on the response I got when I asked how they were doing, I guess I could understand why others might talk about me behind my back when I don't converse in such a way or when I'm not as warm.

BUT I MADE A SMALL STEP. IT WASN'T THAT HARD BUT I WAS INTRIGUED BY THE REACTION. HOW I FELT THE LASTING EFFECTS FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE DAY. VERY INTERESTING.

UNTIL THEN...

Films that deal with Anxiety #1: FROWNLAND

FROWNLAND, Story and direction by Ronald Bronstein

http://www.frownlandinc.com/

NEW YORK GOES TO HOLLYWOOD

TIFFANY POLLARD, A.K.A. NEW YORK, NOW HAS A NEW REALITY SHOW ON VH1 CALLED 'NEW YORK GOES TO HOLLYWOOD' IN WHICH SHE IS PURSUING HER ACTING DREAMS.

I WATCHED A FEW EPISODES ONLINE LAST NIGHT, AND I GOTTA TELL YOU, NEW YORK'S PERSONALITY IS VERY BIG...TO SAY THE LEAST...BUT IF YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THE WAY HER ASSISTANT DEALS WITH HER IT IS VERY FASCINATING.

IT'S QUITE A TASK TO DEAL WITH CERTAIN PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE SHY LIKE ME, SO I THINK I COULD LEARN ALOT FROM THE SOCIAL INTERACTION IN THIS SHOW ALTHOUGH THIS, OF COURSE IS AN EXTREME CASE. I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW DIFFICULT IT SEEMS TO BE IN THAT ENVIRONMENT WHERE AN ARGUMENT CAN BREAK OUT AT ANY MOMENT. ITS CRAZY!!

I DIDN'T THINK I'D GRAVITATE TOWARDS THIS SHOW BUT THE SOCIAL INTERACTION MIXED WITH THE FACT THAT TIFFANY IS PURSUING ACTING REALLY SOLD ME.

ANYHOO, TO SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT...VISIT: http://www.vh1.com/shows/series/new_york_goes_to_hollywood/splash.jhtml?source=globalnav

UNTIL THEN..

RADIO SHOW

I CHICKENED OUT ON FRIDAY...I WILL TRY TO DO A SHOW MAYBE WITHIN THE WEEK.

TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS

I am taking care of sooo much paperwork today...trying to clear up the CLUTTER!!!!! I'm very happy about this. My goal is to complete all my extra paperwork today so that I only have the main things left that take longer to work on.

Everything that I can do in one day will be done today! I am also selling old books and clothes and just stuff I don't use...I'm selling them on Ebay. The things that do not sell, I will donate, give away or throw out before February.

From there I will have 4 main piles of stuff to work on: 1) my writings 2)my magazine 3)my school stuff (applications etc) & 4)monthly logistics such as bills etc.

I'm trying to simplify my life, including my beauty routine so I can make more time for LIFE.

I also sent out some resumes today and updated my resume. I also updated my acting resume and opened up a Backstage/Ross Reports account.

Furthermore, I am narrowing down my choices for what gym or dance class I will join this month. I want to take advantage of all the New Year's specials that are going on. Most ending sometime this month. I found a couple of expensive gyms that have great deals and my boyfriend and I are considering taking capoeira classes...I wanted to join an acting class but I can only afford one extra bill each month so I am going with either a gym membership, martial arts or dance. I will try to find a free acting group on meetup.com for now or I will simply practice at home, buy monologue books, etc.

After I lose a chunk of weight, I will stop the gym membership (or martial arts or dance class) and sign up for paid acting classes.

I am also looking for teleprompter classes and plan to get my journalism resume tape done in a few months (if I can find a cheaper service than I've been finding online).

So that is an overview of some of my plans.

More on this later...sorry if my spelling and grammar is off in this post.

Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa

This is the name of Lisa Bonet's new baby. Its getting alot of negative attention online for being so different but I like it for some reason. I think the name 'Wolf' will allow this child to identify with a more fearless and brave and wild side which is a characteristic I am striving to bring out of my personality.

Yes it is an unusual name but I read that it means something:
Nakoa (warrior). Mana(strength/spirit) Kaua (rain) po (dark)

Do you think that a person's name helps to shape who they are? I think it does to a certain extent. Its like 'talking it up'. If your name is Peace, for example, and your hear that word all the time when someone calls your name then I think it kind of rubs off on you and you will subconsciously tap into that peaceful side of you more often. What do you think?

Negotiating Salaries

I need advice on how to go about negotiating a higher salary this year. My review is coming up soon...and I want to be prepared. I deserve a much higher salary than I am getting and I need to feel like I am not being taken advantage of b/c of my soft spoken ways. I am well below the average based on Salary.com and based on what my coworkers are getting. I don't know exactly how much they are getting but based on info they've shared its way more than I am getting yet I have more accts.

So please give me some advice. I am not confrontational so it has to work with my personality. I don't even know where to start so HELP. This year, I deserve to be paid fairly for my work load.

If you know of any books on this topic that can help, please recommend. If you've been through it, let me know what you did and if it worked.

Last year I got a raise that was laughable and I simply 'pretended' I was happy. My boss told me the raise did not reflect my work but that it was all the budget could allow, but other people are making much more than me and I am doing more work so I don't think this is an excuse they could use this year even with the economic crisis. If so, I seriously have to look elsewhere.

Its impossible for a lady to make it on her own in NYC with such a low salary.

So once again, please offer any advice you can. It will be greatly appreciated and taken into consideration.

Yearly check-ups & Taxes

I have an appointment tomorrow for one of my many yearly doctor's check-ups. I want to get everything out the way early this year. And this year I am getting ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING CHECKED even if I don't think I need to. It seems like there is a cancer for every inch of our bodies nowadays. Its ridiculous and it sneaks up on you, it seems like. So even if I don't think something is serious I am going to take it serious b/c you NEVER know.



Also, a tip for the painfully shy folks out there, create a list of all the questions you want to ask your doctor before you get there and take it with you b/c doctors these days are very intimidating and they have a tendency to rush you so just make sure you have that list out and make it look like a list so they can see it coming as you walk in that doctor's office.



If you still feel too nervous to ask the questions just remember your LIFE IS AT STAKE...AND IN THIS CASE THERE TRULY IS NO SUCH THING AS A STUPID QUESTION. I like to keep the list in my hand and just tell the doctor, "I jotted some questions down that I'd like to go through will quick with you." If you doctor seems extremely busy just add "I'm in a rush, too, so I'll make this quick." As long as you get all your questions answered that's all that matters. Or you can even ask if you can call him later to go over them if he or she is too pressed for time and has lots of patients in the waiting area.



Now onto another issue: Tax season! I am getting this out the way early, too, this year. As soon as I get my W-2 from work I am on it!



PROCRASTINATION IS A HUGE ISSUE FOR THOSE WITH ANXIETY B/C OUR ANXIETY CREATED THIS HABIT AND NOW IT SEEMS TO HAVE A LIFE OF ITS OWN.



CREATE A NEW MOTTO AND WAY OF THINKING. STOP SAYING YOU ARE A PROCRASTINATOR BECAUSE YOU ARE NO LONGER A PROCRASTINATOR...YOU ARE MOVING OUT OF THIS BOX AND LOOKING AHEAD.



I AM NOT A PROCRASTINATOR ANYMORE, I AM TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS NOW. SO FAR THIS WEEK, I'VE GOTTEN AT LEAST 2 THINGS OUT OF THE WAY EACH DAY. WHETHER ITS TAKING YOUR 2 PAIRS OF SLACKS TO THE DRY CLEANERS...THE ONES YOU THREW IN A BAG AND LEFT IN THE CORNER OF YOUR ROOM FOR THE PAST 2 WEEKS...OR WHETHER ITS GETTING THAT BUSINESS PLAN COMPLETED...GET STARTED NOW!



UNTIL THEN...

Start with the family

If you are painfully shy, like me...try small steps with your family and inner circle. Try to invite a family member to the movies or if that is pushing it...invite them to your apartment to watch a quick sitcom or movie over some of your favorite childhood foods.

I am planning to mail my family (the ones I live with) an invite to meet me in my room on Saturday night for movies and maybe a boardgame. I plan to buy some wine, juice, and easy food and reorganize my room to accommodate the extra people.

I am planning to do this in February. Anyone want to do a similar event? Let me know so we can swap ideas. I've never hosted a party so I can start small, with immediate family in my room...it doesn't get smaller than that.

It will be fun plus I'm sure my niece will love it b/c she use to hang out with me all the time when she was a little girl. I'll get a funny movie, not sure what movie yet.

I'm going to jot down a reminder right now before I forget. I'm actually going to get some nice invitation cards an mail them in about 2 weeks or so.

This year, I'm trying to change my tone on this blog. Its not about thinking about doing something or envisioning what I will do in a few months but to ACT on the steps that will lead up to that moment RIGHT NOW.

By the way, I'm also purchased The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I actually read it quickly, skimmed through it at a bookstore when I was in Arizona with my boyfriend and in that half hour that I sat there I could tell this was a powerful book that I would end up buying one day. I think I bought another book that day or maybe a few magazines but NOW IS NOW AND I HAVE IT NOW.

So, let's amp each other up. My fellow Shy's out there. The brain is a muscle, too...and we have a lot of work to do...I sure do.

Until then...

hello.

hello. i received the book, Introvert Advantage, today. I will start reading asap!


Today was not such a great day at work. The usual stuff. I won't bore you.

I am trying to not let the little stuff bother me. So far, so good...I think.

Until then...

P.S. Do any of you have a twitter account? If so, do you recommend that I get one?

PBS

I love PBS! They have some of the best programs such as Eyes on the Prize (American Experience), Masterpiece Theater, American Masters, Frontline and more!

I love it, I love it, I love it. I hope it does not change due to the economy being that it is publicly funded but for now PBS has my vote still!

My weekend, in a nutshell

Friday: I ate a delicious pasta salad at lunch that turned out to be extremely bad b/c later that evening I was throwing up and extremely sick with a fever. FOOD POISONING...I THINK.

I MISSED MY RADIO SHOW ON FRIDAY NIGHT...SORRY...I WAS COMPLETELY OUT OF IT.

Saturday: Still sick and in bed all day. Started getting ready at 5PM for a dinner party that my boyfriend's close friend invited us to. I was too sick to be nervous about attending. I literally changed my clothes while in bed with my boyfriend's help. We arrived around 6:30 and left around 9pm. We got a ride home...his friend lives close to my mom's aparment. I hit the bed immediately after washing up. I was freezing for some reason on Saturday...I mean FREEZING...shivering and all. I was the only one in my house like that so it was just me but it felt like I had a fever.

Sunday: I feel much better...I ate twice this entire weekend and small portions. Once at the dinner party and once today (Chinese food: plantains and fried rice). I am going to make some sandwiches and bring to work because I don't think I feel safe enough to eat out anymore after my ordeal this weekend.

Until then...

manaña

I have to work manaña (technically, later today since its after 12am) but at least its a Friday.

Goodnight you all...today was quite productive. I got a lot of logistics/paperwork out of the way. Great way to start off the year.

DAY 7: KWANZAA (IM A FEW MINUTES LATE POSTING THIS BUT DAY 7 OF KWANZAA IS ON JANUARY 1ST)

I POSTED THIS AFTER MIDNIGHT SO IT FELL UNDER JANUARY 2ND BUT DAY 7 OF KWANZAA FALLS ON JANUARY 1ST.

Imani (Faith) -

To believe with all our heart in our people, our parents, our teachers, our leaders and the righteousness and victory of our struggle.

BLOGS/VLOGS OF NOTE

My list of BLOGS/VLOGS OF NOTE was erased after I changed my template. I will add this info again soon but I can't remember all of the links I had but over time they will come to me b/c these are links that I naturally gravitate to from time to time.

So if you were linked here, please let me know. I will start adding immediately.

Until then

About 45 minutes before Midnight...

My boyfriend surprised me as I walked back into my dark room from my soothing shower...he hid behind the bedroom door and scared the crap out of me...but I was happy.

Also, it turns out that my mom was in her bedroom the entire time but she wasn't feeling well. I heard her on the phone and found her looking 'out of it' and praying with her church friends via telephone. I was able to make her some tea and hug and kiss her right before the midnight as she told me what she wished for me for the New Year.

So it was a quiet New Year's Eve but in hindsight...its just what I needed.

One tradition was missing - we had no oranges...I'm not sure how this tradition began...I'll have to ask my mom...but we always have oranges for the New Year and we eat at least one and if you have an orange with lots of seeds that represents abundance of all good things for the New Year.

I will get oranges after work tomorrow. Some traditions are odd but they bring back fond memories that I don't want to let go of.

My mom is feeling better but I will be sure to be available to her and pamper her to make sure she doesn't feel like that again.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

HAPPY NEW YEAR!