DIARY OF A SHY BLACK WOMAN: Check out this old blog post of mine from 2006...

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Check out this old blog post of mine from 2006...

I've been getting many comments and emails from people who can relate to this particular entry and so I thought I'd repost it. Love you all!!!! Click on the link below to read it.

http://www.diaryofashyblackwoman.org/2006/08/my-being-shy-black-throws-people-off.html

6 comments:

IamKrisNov 14, 2009 07:58 PM
Wow - I'm so moved by finding this blog that, although I probably should read more of your entries before I leave a comment, I can't resist leaving a comment right off the bat. After all, it's rare to find a fellow African American who expresses problems with social anxiety.

I can relate to what you expressed, and then some. I've been quite shy for as long as I can remember - but my childhood was more or less "normal" (I had a few friends/playmates, did "normal" childhood stuff like attend birthday parties, etc.). It was in about the 6th grade when my "shyness" started morphing into a crippling, full-blown social anxiety disorder that greatly impacted my interactions (or lack thereof) with people, and stunted my social/emotional development. To make a long story short - in addition to my crippling (and I don't use the word "crippling" lightly) social anxiety, the mental disease of depression gradually crept into my psyche so that by age 21/22, I was rendered so dysfunctional that I was forced to drop out of college. I guess you can say that I'm one of the "unlucky" social anxiety disorder sufferers (and all of us are pretty unfortunate) - in that I developed the equally-crippling co-morbid diseases of major depression and generalized anxiety disorder to go along with my SAD. I have been so crippled by my disorders that - as an adult (I'm 36) I haven't been employed very much - too anxious/depressed/dysfunctional to hold a job. Earlier this year (after a two-year battle), I won SSI disability from the Social Security Administration.

Anyway - I have definitely felt that being black has added to the burden of having social anxiety disorder (and my co-morbid disorders). Or is it the other way around - having SAD has added to the burden of being black? Whichever it is - I, too feel that we are stereotyped by society-at-large - and, as a community, we (in a sense) stereotype ourselves. Like you said - if a black woman doesn't fit the confident, bold, assertive, talkative, "strong" personality-stereotype - people don't know what to make of us. People can be rather unaccepting, non-understanding - and misinterpret our behavior. Ironically, there have been definite times when I felt more misunderstood, more unaccepted, and felt more stigmatized for not fitting people's rather rigid expectations by fellow African Americans - as opposed to white people or the broader society. The cooler, less-racist white people may have certain expectations of a black person being "lively", "cool", or "entertaining" - but, once they see that you don't fit those stereotypes, they may (more or less) accept you for who you are. Even among the "conservative", or "racist" white people - they may welcome a shy, "soft-spoken" black person because they view us as relatively-disarming and "non-threatening". (Not saying that this is necessarily a good thing.)

Then again - the opposite may apply. One thing I've learned throughout my life is that just because I'm "shy and quiet" doesn't mean that (white) people will see me as "less threatening". There have been definite times when my shyness was viewed as standoffishness and "aloofness" - and just because I didn't make any apparent efforts to put people at ease (when you have social anxiety, putting others at ease isn't exactly a strength), I was resented. (contd. in next post)
ReplyDelete
IamKrisNov 14, 2009 08:02 PM
(contd.) I also feel that in some situations, black women can least afford to be unassertive - because we're often viewed/treated as the lowest group on society's totem pole, and are the most likely to be disregarded and/or "done wrong". So certain personality traits that have become overly-stereotyped, and taken too far in a lot of cases - also serve to protect us, and can be used to demand the respect that we may not be given otherwise. This is why I feel that black people (or black women) with social anxiety disorder have it tougher than other demographic groups with SAD. Being black is already enough of a hurdle or a "stigma" - we can least afford something that's going to stigmatize us even further.

Sorry if this is overly-negative - I know this isn't the most pleasant thing to think about....but, as black people - we have to work harder than others to prove that we're capable, and work harder to leave a positive impression on others. Well, having social anxiety disorder can really prevent us from doing this; and certain people may be quicker to negatively judge us if we aren't in a position to project confidence and assert our value. For ex., based on my own experiences/observations as a black woman in an often-prejudiced society - our outward manifestations "shyness" may be more likely to be seen as "shiftiness", or "dishonesty". It's quite unfortunate - because many of us are quite honest and have great integrity; but in a society that is prone to negatively-stereotyping black people, people can brutally misinterpret our shyness into things that serve their own prejudices.

O.k., I've written enough. I admire you for being emotionally-honest enough to openly talk about your struggles with social-anxiety. It helps others (like myself) to see that they are not alone - and it may even help people who have been suffering, but weren't fully aware of what exactly they were suffering from, diagnose themselves.

There are some things (such as energy issues) that prevent me from posting too often on messageboards and blogs, so please don't be too disappointed if you don't hear much from me after this. Besides, from the little that I've read - you seem much better off than I am (you can work, for example) - and I don't want to be a "downer" and "poison" this blog with too much negativity. But I do appreciate discovering this blog, and felt compelled to write in to say that I know all too well what it's like to be a black woman who has social anxiety disorder.

Best wishes :)

IamKris

P.S. - oddly enough, I discovered this blog by Googling "Mitrice Richardson" (I've been trying to keep up with that tragic case.).
ReplyDelete
The Diary of a Shy Black WomanNov 19, 2009 04:46 PM
IamKris...come back to the blog. I think you are on point with your comments. You are not negative at all, you are real! Don't worry about that, I would be honored if you would post more comments. I am right there with you and many other black women can understand what you are going through. I never looked at it that way (being shy can hurt us even more because being bold is a way of protecting ourselves since we are on the bottom of the social totempole, so to speak)...I never really looked at it that way and you are right. This is why this blog is so important...we are starting discussions that don't exist anywhere else. I think I should try to add a chat section to this blog but I don't know how. Or some sort of application that makes it more interactive. If anyone knows of anything apps I can use on blogger let me know. I hope to hear from you again, IamKris!!!
ReplyDelete
AnonymousOct 29, 2010 12:07 AM
It took me a long time to search on the net, only your site open up the fully details, bookmarked and thanks again.

- Kris
ReplyDelete
AnonymousNov 2, 2010 01:08 PM
Now and then I'll stumble across a post like this and I'll recall that there really are still interesting pages on the web. ^_^. Thanks.

-
ReplyDelete
AnonymousNov 10, 2010 01:12 AM
Wow, I am happy to find this well

- Aracely WISNIEWSKI
ReplyDelete