Removal of box braids/twists...

My entire weekend will be dedicated to my hair. I have to remove my twist extensions and pamper my natural hair with conditioner all weekend long to restore any brittleness (for some reason brittleness doesn't sound correct, but it is). I damaged my hairline a bit but I will be sure to avoid any styles that will create any tension in those areas forEVER.

I will use oils and teas and love to restore my hair. It actually is very full and my ends are very strong considering the fact that I had my hair in twists for over 2 months *I was sooo tired from work that I was never able to make time until now*. I'm still tired as my job has been draining the life out of me but I can't postpone this any longer.

I found a natural conditioner from a company called Yes To Carrots and I am also using a conditioner and shampoo from Earthly Delight. All of these products are completely natural. I will also do an Avocado treatment.

I am trying to go all natural. I've had my setbacks but I'm trying different products all across the board from hair products to oral hygiene and deodorants to the food I eat. I want to stay away from chemicals as they have not done me any good thus far so I can do without them.

Even the makeup I use. I am trying out different mineral makeups.

I will do product reviews in the future and hopefully I can get many of you to stop killing yourself slowly with all these products that contain harmful ingredients. Don't you see that we have more diseases in this world since post-industrial revolution? There is a link my friends...(John McCain uses that line so much..."my friends"... its annoying but its starting to creep into my regular vocabulary...HELP)

Anyhoo, I will try to connect with you all again before the weekends up and maybe put up a pic of my hair.

Until then,
DOASBW

THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING AN INTROVERT

I HOPE TO GET AN AUTHOR WHO IS AN EXPERT ON THIS TOPIC AS MY FIRST GUEST ON MY RADIO SHOW AT http://www.blogtalkradio.com/PAINFULLYSHY.

I HOPE SHE RESPONDS TO MY INVITE. IF AND WHEN SHE DOES, I WILL LET YOU KNOW THE DATE AND TIME OF THE LIVE RADIO SHOW AND HOPEFULLY YOU WILL ALL JOIN IN THE DISCUSSION VIA CALLING (Listener dial-in number
(646) 716-8954) OR JOINING THE LIVE CHAT.



I MIGHT NEED A GLASS OF WINE BY MY SIDE TO EASE MY NERVES BUT THIS IS AN INTERVIEW I WOULD LOVE TO DO AS I CAN BENEFIT FROM WHAT SHE HAS TO OFFER AND I KNOW MANY OF YOU CAN, TOO.

I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED.

UNTIL THEN,
DOASBW

Famous and/or Successful people with Anxiety Related Disorders - Octavia Butler

Famous and/or Successful people of color with Anxiety Related Disorders

Someone brought this sci-fi author, Octavia Butler, to my attention. She passed away and from what I've read, she was iconic in the science fiction genre. I'm not into sci-fi books but after reading a bit about her, I will be sure to purchase a book of hers very soon.


I read an article at Salon.com in which they say she described herself as a hermit and she was very shy. She saw herself as an outsider. Read more here: http://archive.salon.com/books/feature/2006/03/17/butler/index.html





Octavia Estelle Butler (June 22, 1947 – February 24, 2006) was an American science fiction writer, one of very few African-American women in the field. She won both Hugo and Nebula awards. In 1995, she became the first science fiction writer to receive the MacArthur Foundation "Genius" Grant. (wikipedia)

photo found at http://colinresponse.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/octavia-butler-799659.jpg

Famous and/or Successful people with Anxiety Related Disorders - Ella Fitzgerald

Famous and/or Successful people of color with Anxiety Related Disorders


In the biography, Ella Fitzgerald: The Biography of the First Lady of Jazz, written by Stuart Nicholson, there is a passage on page 131 that describes Ella as suffering from performance anxiety.

The passage reads: "Ella also suffered from profound performance anxiety, something that remained with her throughout her life."

The passage goes on to describe a specific experience where she demonstrated this type of anxiety and catupulted onstage. This occurred in 1984 according to the passage so I found a clip of a 1984 performance but its not the one mentioned in the book.

Here's Lady Ella:
1984 Ella Fitzgerald: I'm gonna sit right down and...

WHEN WILL I REVEAL MYSELF TO YOU?

HOPEFULLY SOON. ITS A TOUGH DECISION. I'VE SHARED SO MUCH OF MYSELF IN RELATION TO MY ANXIETY AND THIS IS SOMETHING ONLY MY CLOSE FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE AWARE OF...AND THEY STILL DON'T KNOW THE FULL EXTENT... SO ITS A DECISION THAT WILL PUT ME OUT THERE AND WHO KNOWS...MAYBE A COWORKER OR A DISTANT RELATIVE OR FRIEND MIGHT HAPPEN TO BUMP INTO THIS BLOG AND THEN THE QUESTIONS WILL FOLLOW, ETC, ETC. SO I AM STARTING TO MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF BEFORE I POST MY PHOTOS OVER HERE AND MY VIDEOS AT WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/PAINFULLYSHYTV. I GUESS THAT IS PART OF WHY I'VE BEEN TAKING SOOO LONG TO DO MY FIRST RADIO SHOW AT WWW.BLOGTALKRADIO.COM/PAINFULLYSHY BECAUSE MY VOICE WILL BE HEARD...LITERALLY!!!

BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS THIS IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF BUT IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY ITS STILL TABOO TO DISCUSS MENTAL ISSUES AND THERAPY, ETC, ETC.

THE WORD MENTAL HAS SO MANY NEGATIVE IMPLICATIONS BUT IN ESSENCE ITS AN AMAZING THING PART OF HUMANITY AND WE ALL HAVE ASPECTS TO WORK ON AND ASPECTS THAT ARE JUST FINE.

PEOPLE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY AND GENERALIZED ANXIETY MAY LACK IN ONE ASPECT, MENTALLY BUT HAVE STRENGTHS IN OTHER ASPECTS SUCH AS THE CREATIVITY.

SO WITH THAT SAID I WILL MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF FOR ANY NEGATIVE BACKLASH RELATED TO THOSE WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND SOCIAL ANXIETY. I MIGHT GET PEOPLE WHO SAY "JUST GET OVER IT" OR "YOU ARE CRAZY" OR "IF YOU ARE REALLY SO SHY, HOW COME YOU WERE ABLE TO GIVE A SPEECHES AT CERTAIN POINTS IN YOUR LIFE OR HOW COME YOU WERE ABLE TO BE IN THE DRAMA AND GLEE CLUB IN HIGH SCHOOL" AND SOME PEOPLE MIGHT SAY "THIS IS JUST SOMETHING THAT THE MEDICAL ASSOCIATION MADE UP TO GET MORE MONEY VIA MEDICATION SELLS, ETC" ... THE LIST GOES ON AND ON.

ITS MY JOB TO ONLY SHARE MY STORY BECAUSE THAT IS ALL I CAN DO AND IN SHARING AND TRYING TO GET AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE TO SHARE THEIR STORIES WE CAN UNDERSTAND THIS DISORDER MORE BECAUSE THERE ARE STILL MANY NUANCES ABOUT MY SITUATION THAT PERPLEX ME TO THIS DAY.

SO I DON'T KNOW WHEN I WILL START MY RADIO SHOW ON BLOGTALKRADIO OR WHEN I WILL REVEAL MYSELF VIA PHOTO OR VIDEO BUT I AM MOVING IN THAT DIRECTION AND WILL KEEP YOU POSTED.

UNTIL THEN,
DOASBW

HAPPY SATURDAY

MY LEFT SHOULDER IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAD AN INTENSE MEETING AT WORK ON THURSDAY...LASTED FOR ABOUT 3 HOURS. IT WAS INTENSE BECAUSE EACH TOPIC SEEM TO ZERO IN ON MY CLIENT HOWEVER MY CLIENT WANTS MORE BUSINESS SO THINGS ARE NOT AS BAD AS I THOUGHT.

I AM GOING TO VOLUNTEER BY MAKING CALLS FOR THE CAMPAIGN SOMETIME THIS WEEK AND NEXT. THIS WILL HELP MY ANXIETY AND WILL MAKE ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT VOLUNTEERING AND BEING OF SERVICE TO THIS NATION IN SOME WAY.

ITS STARTING TO GET COLDER IN NEW YORK. IT LOOKS LIKE AUTUMN AND SPRING ARE SHAPING UP TO BE MY FAVORITE MONTHS. IT WAS SECRETLY WINTER AT ONE POINT BUT I NEVER TOLD ANYONE B/C EVERYONE SEEMS TO HATE WINTER. I AM NOT TO FOND OF THE ICY SIDEWALKS AFTER A SLUSHY SNOW STORM BUT WINTERS ARE PRETTY NICE, TOO. THE SUMMER IS A DIFFICULT SEASON FOR ME, ANXIETY-WISE SO I THINK THAT'S THE TRUE REASON I DON'T LIKE IT VERY MUCH. WHEN I WAS IN ARIZONA, IT WAS PRETTY MUCH SUMMER ALL THE TIME BUT IT WAS DIFFERENT. HARD TO EXPLAIN. I HAVE TO THINK THAT ONE THROUGH BEFORE I RAMBLE ON.

I THINK I HAVE THE BEST READERS ANY BLOGGER CAN HAVE. I REALLY DO. YOU HAVE ALL OFFERED SO MUCH REAL ADVICE AND ENCOURAGEMENT THAT KEEPS ME GOING. I DON'T KNOW WHERE I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU ALL. I AM USUALLY VERY OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THINGS NO MATTER HOW BAD IT GETS BUT I THINK I STARTED THIS BLOG AT THE RIGHT MOMENT...JUST ABOUT WHEN MY OPTIMISM WAS RUNNING OUT.

ABOUT MY SCHOOL, I CONTACTED THE PRESIDENT THIS WEEKEND. IT TOOK A WHILE TO GET HIS EMAIL ADDRESS. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED.

UNTIL THEN,
DOASBW

MORE COMPLAINTS...

HOW DID MY LIFE BECOME A SERIES OF COMPLAINTS.

1. I HATE MY JOB...ITS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO MY DREAM JOB AND ITS SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME...MY NEW CLIENT NITPICKS AT EVERY FUCKING THING. (I AM SOOO SORRY FOR CURSING BUT I NEED TO RIGHT NOW)

2. MY SCHOOL IS SOOOO MEAN. I TOOK (VOD)'S ADVICE (ONE OF MY READER'S). I AM TAKING THIS TO THE HIGHER UPS. I WILL PROBABLY HEAR BACK FROM THEM NEXT WEEK. I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED.

3. MY LEFT SHOULDER HURTS FROM CARRYING A HEAVY HANDBAG TO AND FROM WORK. WHY DO I CARRY SO MUCH STUFF. I USE ABOUT 1% OF WHAT I CARRY WITH ME BUT I ALWAYS THINK "WHAT IF I NEED THIS OR THAT?"

4. WHY CAN'T MY STUPID ASS JUST GET OVER THIS FUCKING ANXIETY ALREADY. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? THIS IS SOOO CRAZY! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS MY PROBLEM. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE AND RIDICULOUS. DO YOU KNOW I CAN'T EVEN MAKE PHONE CALLS AT MY DESK BECAUSE OF THIS CRAP? I WAIT UNTIL OTHERS ARE OUT TO LUNCH OR WHEN THEY ARE ON CALLS SO MY VOICE IS DROWNED OUT. THIS IS REALLY BAD.

5. WHY ME???

6. IM TIRED.

7. MORE COMPLAINTS COMING SOON.

I'M A MESS RIGHT NOW! IM TRYING HARD NOT TO USE THE WORD 'DEPRESSED' BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS.

UNTIL THEN

I AM GOING THROUGH SOME THINGS AT THE MOMENT

I AM SOOOOO UPSET, WORRIED & DEPRESSED REGARDING MY SCHOOL SITUATION. THEY ARE TELLING ME THAT I OWE THEM A LITTLE OVER $4,000 AND I AM DISPUTING THIS BECAUSE THEY LED ME TO BELIEVE THAT IF I WROTE A PETITION THEY WOULD REVIEW IT AND THEN DECIDE IF I WOULD PAY OR NOT. ALL OF A SUDDEN AFTER I SENT MY DOCUMENTS (OF WHICH THEY CLAIM THEY DIDN'T GET ALL BUT ONLY SOME OF THE DOCUMENTS) I NOTICED MY UNIVERSITY ON MY CREDIT REPORT. THIS IS HOW I FOUND OUT...NO LETTER...NO PHONE CALL...TO LET ME KNOW BEFOREHAND THAT I HAVE TO START PAYING. NO PHONE CALL REGARDING MY PETITON...AND NO LETTER. JUST ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY POPPED UP ON MY CREDIT REPORT. THAT IS SOOOO WRONG. I WORKED SO HARD TO RAISE MY CREDIT SCORE AND THIS ONE ACTION HAS CAUSED MY SCORE TO DROP SIGNIFICANTLY. AND THEY WILL NOT EVEN WORK WITH ME OR ANYTHING. I CANT GET MY DIPLOMA OR ANY RECORDS WITHOUT PAYMENT.

SO I JUST SENT AN EMAIL TO DISPUTE THIS. THEY ARE TELLING ME TO CONTACT THE COLLECTIONS AGENCY BUT I THINK ITS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY TO REVERSE THIS AND WORK DIRECTLY WITH ME - NOT A MIDDLE MAN. A COLLECTIONS AGENCY IS FOR PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO PAY ATTEMPT TO GET PAYMENT. I NEVER REFUSED AND THERE WERE NO ATTEMPTS TO GET PAYMENT.

I WAS LED TO BELIEVE THEY WOULD BASE THEIR DECISION ON MY PETITION AND GET BACK TO ME TO LET ME NO IF I WAS OKAY OR IF I HAD TO PAY. THIS DOESN'T SEEM JUST OR FAIR TO ME AT ALL.

ANY ADVICE? IM SO BUMMED OUT ABOUT THIS...IT SEEMS LIKE WHEN I TAKE A STEP FORWARD I GET PUSHED BACK TWICEFOLD.

NOW MY CREDIT SCORE IS DOWN AND I OWE MONEY AND I CANT GET MY DIPLOMA AND I RECENTLY STARTED WORKING ON MY GRAD SCHOOL APPLICATIONS...I EVEN ATTENDED A LAW SCHOOL FORUM 2 WEEKS AGO. I MIGHT AS WELL THROW THOSE APPLICATIONS IN THE TRASH ALONG WITH MY DREAMS.

ANYWAY...THANKS FOR LETTING ME VENT.

UNTIL THEN.