How should I celebrate my accomplishments? Should I start the vlog on that day? I need feedback people. You are a major part of my "therapy". Without you there is no point. I need to hear from you all. Even if its just a "hi" here and a "good luck" there. I can't do this without encouragement.
Ask me questions if you have anxiety and I will research and get back to you. My goal is to figure this social phobia thing out because I believe the only people that understands are the people who have been there. I am tired of going to therapists that will never understand and act like they do but have no idea.
We, "shy" people must let others hear our voice and we can't if we continue to go unrecognized. Our disorder is being figured out by those who don't have a clue.
I have been on Paxil for a while now and I am NOT CURED. I thought this would be my magic pill. I've heard so much about it. But I am still the same. This is soooo frustrating. I am 30 and don't have time for the bullshit anymore.
Followers
Latest Social Anxiety News
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Video Blog?
I want to start my vlog soon but I am nervous b/c I am not sure if I want EVERYONE knowing about my anxiety.
What should I do?
What should I do?
Saturday, July 07, 2007
More on my nappy hair...
http://www.nappturality.com/index.php
I recently cut my heavily split ends in an effort to start my road to luxurious, lush, natural hair. I have been on this road for about 10 years but now it is better b/c I'm more informed thanks to the internet, blogging, and vlogging!!!!
The resources are endless and I am so grateful. I found out that 1 of my readers is involved with an amazing site called Napturality and I encourage you all to visit whether you have nappy hair or not because its good to know about the beauty in all races. So visit the site.
So back to me...lol...I usually cut my ends every 2 months but this time I more than just the ends b/c it was very bad. I am not a barber so my hair is very uneven right now but it is healthy and has little to no breakage.
I wear a satin scarf around it like a headband and tie a bow at the end. The exposed hair is worn as a short 'fro. B4 my cut I would do the same style but the exposed hair was out and wild.
Its been about 2 weeks since my cut but I feel growth already and my hair is very healthy. I have been following the advice that I have gotten from various sources which is to use products that contain little to NO alcohol. I have been using natural liquid cleansers like Dr. Woods and such as shampoos. I also used Dr. Miracle shampoo and Organic Root Stimulator's shampoo. I use the Organic Root Stimulator carrot conditioners. I use unrefined shea butter to moisturize my hair. B4 I comb with a wide tooth comb or brush with an appropriate brush, I spray my hair with a mix of half water and half vitamin E. So far so good.
I have a confession. I use to texturize my hair with a relaxer. I would leave it in for a few minutes...just long enough to slightly loosen my curls then I'd wash it out, etc. But reading so much about the beauty of my hair in its 100% natural state, I will never do this again. Although I was rockin' a natural hair look, it was not truly natural for me. I have decided to let my hair grow as is and not alter it with any chemicals and I am so proud of myself.
I have been seeing a growing number of Black women with nappy styles in the heart of Manhattan looking as lovely as ever. Each time, its an unspoken connection. We give each other an affirming look. The other day I saw a young woman with a child in her arms going up the subway stairs as I ran down. She had about 10 inches of lush jet black nappy hair up in a wild and thick version of the ponytail and I forgot my anxieties for a brief moment and told her "I Love Your Hair!" She thanked me and I continued to run for my train.
I just wanted to share this with you b/c my hair is a big part of my psyche. Its a long story...I'll share another time.
Until then...
I recently cut my heavily split ends in an effort to start my road to luxurious, lush, natural hair. I have been on this road for about 10 years but now it is better b/c I'm more informed thanks to the internet, blogging, and vlogging!!!!
The resources are endless and I am so grateful. I found out that 1 of my readers is involved with an amazing site called Napturality and I encourage you all to visit whether you have nappy hair or not because its good to know about the beauty in all races. So visit the site.
So back to me...lol...I usually cut my ends every 2 months but this time I more than just the ends b/c it was very bad. I am not a barber so my hair is very uneven right now but it is healthy and has little to no breakage.
I wear a satin scarf around it like a headband and tie a bow at the end. The exposed hair is worn as a short 'fro. B4 my cut I would do the same style but the exposed hair was out and wild.
Its been about 2 weeks since my cut but I feel growth already and my hair is very healthy. I have been following the advice that I have gotten from various sources which is to use products that contain little to NO alcohol. I have been using natural liquid cleansers like Dr. Woods and such as shampoos. I also used Dr. Miracle shampoo and Organic Root Stimulator's shampoo. I use the Organic Root Stimulator carrot conditioners. I use unrefined shea butter to moisturize my hair. B4 I comb with a wide tooth comb or brush with an appropriate brush, I spray my hair with a mix of half water and half vitamin E. So far so good.
I have a confession. I use to texturize my hair with a relaxer. I would leave it in for a few minutes...just long enough to slightly loosen my curls then I'd wash it out, etc. But reading so much about the beauty of my hair in its 100% natural state, I will never do this again. Although I was rockin' a natural hair look, it was not truly natural for me. I have decided to let my hair grow as is and not alter it with any chemicals and I am so proud of myself.
I have been seeing a growing number of Black women with nappy styles in the heart of Manhattan looking as lovely as ever. Each time, its an unspoken connection. We give each other an affirming look. The other day I saw a young woman with a child in her arms going up the subway stairs as I ran down. She had about 10 inches of lush jet black nappy hair up in a wild and thick version of the ponytail and I forgot my anxieties for a brief moment and told her "I Love Your Hair!" She thanked me and I continued to run for my train.
I just wanted to share this with you b/c my hair is a big part of my psyche. Its a long story...I'll share another time.
Until then...
Turning 30, Church, Learned Behavior...
From: ANONYMOUS
To: Painfullyshy@rock.com
Subject: Happy Belated Birthday
Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2007
I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. Thank you for answering my email. For some reason I was very nervous about sending it. I think even though its weird not to say you are twenty something anymore, you will enjoy your 30's. My 30's are going so fast before you know it I will be 40. It doesn't bother me one bit either. When you hit your 30's you start to feel more confident in yourself and you start to know just what you want out of life. I wouldn't go back to my 20's for nothing.
I have another question I just wanted to ask. It's about church. I am too shy to go to church because at black churches people show so much emotion which is hard for me. While everyone else is singing and clapping and shouting I am just sitting there like a bump on a log because I feel like everyone's eyes are on me. Then I feel like everyone is wondering why I am just sitting there. So I just don't go. It's not like I don't believe I just don't feel right going. I haven't told my husband this but I am going to have to because he was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and he wants me to start going with him but I don't think I could do that either. I just can't see my self knocking on peoples door trying to have a bible study with them.
Another weird thing about me is that I am very shy around black women. I think its because growing up all of my mothers friends used to say "what's wrong with her don't she talk?" And my mother used to try and make me go play with the other kids and I didn't want to. So I grew up hanging around with my mother or just staying in my room and play with myself. Then when teenage years came along a lot of girls didn't like me because I was so quiet and they felt like I was a goody goody or stuck up. I work around a lot of white people and they are nice to me and they really don't see me as a very shy person because I am more comfortable around them. I am not prejudice of my own race, but they are so critical of me that I stay to myself. I do have a couple of friends that I talk to but not too often.
Do you have anybody in your family that is shy? My father is shy and my mother says I get it from him. I read that shyness is a learned behavior but I don't know if I believe that because I feel like I was shy from birth. I honestly can't remember being not shy. My mother even said that when I was a baby I was so quiet I wouldn't even cry much. I was so quiet she used to come and check on me in my crib because I would just lay there an wait for her instead of cry like other babys do.
Well I know this is a lot so I will end this for now. It's just that you don't find many shy black women. I think you, me, and my sister are the only 3 lol. I thought of something funny the other day. It was about a support group for shy people. I don't think it would be too successful because everyone would be too shy to show up.
well later for now.
Thank you for the birthday wish!!
You know how people say turning 30 was just another day? Well, for me it wasn't. In the back of my mind I felt it would be the same for me being that most ofl my birthdays since turning 21 have been 'just another day' for the most part. But somehow turning 30 was indeed an exception, I felt relieved.
So I didn't reach many of my goals that I thought I would have by this age but I am almost there. As I grow I am learning to filter out the 'to do lists' of my life and focus on the important entities. So, I threw out many things that I have been holding on to both physically and mentally.
Leading up to my turning 30, I felt a lot of regrets looking back at my 20's and I just wanted to turn 30 as soon as possible in order to throw away the memories and the connection to my 20 something self. I felt like those 10 years lacked the productivity of my high school years and the couple of years that followed. My anxiety disorder flooded my 20's in a way I did not expect because in my teens I had the shelter of being a child and having the protection of my family, school, and friends. I was not prepared to be shy and on my own in this world, so to speak.
Now, I am trying to not trash my 20's because deep down inside, I know it holds valuable lessons that I had to learn the hard way. It will be a process for me to accept my choices however I am so ready for my 30's. I have upgraded my goals and I am loving myself a whole lot more.
I agree with you...I, too, would not go back to my 20's for nothing.
About attending church...I had the same problem. Church is a very social experience and the situation is drastically elevated in Black churches because they tend to be more energetic and vocal. I still have a hard time and because of this, I haven't been to church in over 5 years. I think about this all the time because I grew up with such a strong spiritual background. I grew up Catholic and the catholic church back then (I haven't been to a catholic church in about 10 years) back then they were pretty calm and the lighting was never too bright at my church so I could slip in, sit in the back and not be noticed. However as I got older, my mother became a Born Again Christian so I felt like I was no longer a Catholic so I stopped attending church. I started attending her church and it was very overwhelming for me because the social dynamic was intense (it was a beautiful thing but for me it was too much). I had to attend bible studies before church and interact with the other teens and young adults and I couldn't handle it. So I started skipping the bible studies altogether by purposely arriving too late to attend but early enought for the church service. The church service was still too overwhelming for me although the message was always amazing. It was sometimes to hard for me to make an honest connection with God because I couldn't stop panicking. I gradually stopped attending and my mother was highly disappointed. I think you should talk to your husband about this and let him read about anxiety disorders online as well. It is hard for people who are outgoing to understand the nature of an anxiety problem...they think its simple anxiety like all people face every now and then and they can't grasp that for people like us, its 10 times worse.
I have a brother who use to be shy even through his teens but he was able to overcome on his own. He had the support of many great older black male role models and I think that played a key part for him. My mother, sister, and my other brother are 110% outgoing. I grew up around them and maybe that played a part in my being shy. I always felt like I was insignificant, small, drowned in such numbers of outgoing people and rather join them I clammed up. I always had someone who could speak for me when I was growing up so when I was all grown up it was hard for me to speak for myself. However, I don't recall ever being loud and as outgoing as others but I do remember having friends and going to my friends apartments in my building in Brooklyn before moving to the Bronx. I remember participating in acting and rollerskating in the lobby. I remember going outside and playing with my friends on many occasions when I was around 6 and 7 years old. I moved to the Bronx when I was about 8 and this is when I noticed my anxiety the most. I was the only girl for years with all my boy cousins and brothers and this added to my feeling shy and my mother became very overprotective of me as the only girl so it was tough. My sister was already older and out of the house by then.
Is it genetics, is it learned behavior? I don't know. Its possible and I want to research that further but like you, my mother told me that I was a good/quiet baby. So it seems I was soft spoken all my life.
My elementary and high school experience was filled with nonacceptance by many of the African Americans and I am almost certain it was because as an African American of Haitian descent (and I put it this way because although my parents were born in Haiti and most people would call me a Haitian American...I want to make it very clear that I identify with African Americans because my ancestors are from the same continent and we all share the effects of slavery)...that said, I feel that many of the African Americans could not understand me. My mother always dressed me conservatively while my friends had the latest fashions. I was very quiet and they mistook me for being weird and standoffish. And my traditions were a little different so they thought I was not one of them although I knew I was. It seemed like all my life latinas have always gravitated towards me while African American women don't really try to make friends with me. I can count about 2 African American friends since childhood and all my other friends are of other ethnicities. And for me the challenge is that I don't make friends, all my friends have been the ones to seek my friendship. If it had not been for them, I would not have any friends because I can't make friends on my own. I can't start conversations. Its too hard for me. So I wait for friends to come to me. I think as black women, we probably criticize each other more than anyone else so when a black woman sees me being quiet she thinks I am probably criticizing her and I am being conceited and that is far from the truth. So I understand what you are going through. I encourage you to contact me about your idea for forming a social group.
I am glad you are not alone. There are many black women who are suffering with anxiety disorders and don't share this with anyone because they fear being laughed at or made to feel like they're crazy. We just want to feel comfortable in social settings and free to express who we are!! I am so glad you wrote to me and your questions have opened my eyes to more topics for this blog.
Until then... (I WROTE THIS VERY QUICKLY SO PLEASE EXCUSE ANY SPELLING ERRORS, ETC...I WILL GO BACK AND EDIT IT LATER)
To: Painfullyshy@rock.com
Subject: Happy Belated Birthday
Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2007
I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday. Thank you for answering my email. For some reason I was very nervous about sending it. I think even though its weird not to say you are twenty something anymore, you will enjoy your 30's. My 30's are going so fast before you know it I will be 40. It doesn't bother me one bit either. When you hit your 30's you start to feel more confident in yourself and you start to know just what you want out of life. I wouldn't go back to my 20's for nothing.
I have another question I just wanted to ask. It's about church. I am too shy to go to church because at black churches people show so much emotion which is hard for me. While everyone else is singing and clapping and shouting I am just sitting there like a bump on a log because I feel like everyone's eyes are on me. Then I feel like everyone is wondering why I am just sitting there. So I just don't go. It's not like I don't believe I just don't feel right going. I haven't told my husband this but I am going to have to because he was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and he wants me to start going with him but I don't think I could do that either. I just can't see my self knocking on peoples door trying to have a bible study with them.
Another weird thing about me is that I am very shy around black women. I think its because growing up all of my mothers friends used to say "what's wrong with her don't she talk?" And my mother used to try and make me go play with the other kids and I didn't want to. So I grew up hanging around with my mother or just staying in my room and play with myself. Then when teenage years came along a lot of girls didn't like me because I was so quiet and they felt like I was a goody goody or stuck up. I work around a lot of white people and they are nice to me and they really don't see me as a very shy person because I am more comfortable around them. I am not prejudice of my own race, but they are so critical of me that I stay to myself. I do have a couple of friends that I talk to but not too often.
Do you have anybody in your family that is shy? My father is shy and my mother says I get it from him. I read that shyness is a learned behavior but I don't know if I believe that because I feel like I was shy from birth. I honestly can't remember being not shy. My mother even said that when I was a baby I was so quiet I wouldn't even cry much. I was so quiet she used to come and check on me in my crib because I would just lay there an wait for her instead of cry like other babys do.
Well I know this is a lot so I will end this for now. It's just that you don't find many shy black women. I think you, me, and my sister are the only 3 lol. I thought of something funny the other day. It was about a support group for shy people. I don't think it would be too successful because everyone would be too shy to show up.
well later for now.
Thank you for the birthday wish!!
You know how people say turning 30 was just another day? Well, for me it wasn't. In the back of my mind I felt it would be the same for me being that most ofl my birthdays since turning 21 have been 'just another day' for the most part. But somehow turning 30 was indeed an exception, I felt relieved.
So I didn't reach many of my goals that I thought I would have by this age but I am almost there. As I grow I am learning to filter out the 'to do lists' of my life and focus on the important entities. So, I threw out many things that I have been holding on to both physically and mentally.
Leading up to my turning 30, I felt a lot of regrets looking back at my 20's and I just wanted to turn 30 as soon as possible in order to throw away the memories and the connection to my 20 something self. I felt like those 10 years lacked the productivity of my high school years and the couple of years that followed. My anxiety disorder flooded my 20's in a way I did not expect because in my teens I had the shelter of being a child and having the protection of my family, school, and friends. I was not prepared to be shy and on my own in this world, so to speak.
Now, I am trying to not trash my 20's because deep down inside, I know it holds valuable lessons that I had to learn the hard way. It will be a process for me to accept my choices however I am so ready for my 30's. I have upgraded my goals and I am loving myself a whole lot more.
I agree with you...I, too, would not go back to my 20's for nothing.
About attending church...I had the same problem. Church is a very social experience and the situation is drastically elevated in Black churches because they tend to be more energetic and vocal. I still have a hard time and because of this, I haven't been to church in over 5 years. I think about this all the time because I grew up with such a strong spiritual background. I grew up Catholic and the catholic church back then (I haven't been to a catholic church in about 10 years) back then they were pretty calm and the lighting was never too bright at my church so I could slip in, sit in the back and not be noticed. However as I got older, my mother became a Born Again Christian so I felt like I was no longer a Catholic so I stopped attending church. I started attending her church and it was very overwhelming for me because the social dynamic was intense (it was a beautiful thing but for me it was too much). I had to attend bible studies before church and interact with the other teens and young adults and I couldn't handle it. So I started skipping the bible studies altogether by purposely arriving too late to attend but early enought for the church service. The church service was still too overwhelming for me although the message was always amazing. It was sometimes to hard for me to make an honest connection with God because I couldn't stop panicking. I gradually stopped attending and my mother was highly disappointed. I think you should talk to your husband about this and let him read about anxiety disorders online as well. It is hard for people who are outgoing to understand the nature of an anxiety problem...they think its simple anxiety like all people face every now and then and they can't grasp that for people like us, its 10 times worse.
I have a brother who use to be shy even through his teens but he was able to overcome on his own. He had the support of many great older black male role models and I think that played a key part for him. My mother, sister, and my other brother are 110% outgoing. I grew up around them and maybe that played a part in my being shy. I always felt like I was insignificant, small, drowned in such numbers of outgoing people and rather join them I clammed up. I always had someone who could speak for me when I was growing up so when I was all grown up it was hard for me to speak for myself. However, I don't recall ever being loud and as outgoing as others but I do remember having friends and going to my friends apartments in my building in Brooklyn before moving to the Bronx. I remember participating in acting and rollerskating in the lobby. I remember going outside and playing with my friends on many occasions when I was around 6 and 7 years old. I moved to the Bronx when I was about 8 and this is when I noticed my anxiety the most. I was the only girl for years with all my boy cousins and brothers and this added to my feeling shy and my mother became very overprotective of me as the only girl so it was tough. My sister was already older and out of the house by then.
Is it genetics, is it learned behavior? I don't know. Its possible and I want to research that further but like you, my mother told me that I was a good/quiet baby. So it seems I was soft spoken all my life.
My elementary and high school experience was filled with nonacceptance by many of the African Americans and I am almost certain it was because as an African American of Haitian descent (and I put it this way because although my parents were born in Haiti and most people would call me a Haitian American...I want to make it very clear that I identify with African Americans because my ancestors are from the same continent and we all share the effects of slavery)...that said, I feel that many of the African Americans could not understand me. My mother always dressed me conservatively while my friends had the latest fashions. I was very quiet and they mistook me for being weird and standoffish. And my traditions were a little different so they thought I was not one of them although I knew I was. It seemed like all my life latinas have always gravitated towards me while African American women don't really try to make friends with me. I can count about 2 African American friends since childhood and all my other friends are of other ethnicities. And for me the challenge is that I don't make friends, all my friends have been the ones to seek my friendship. If it had not been for them, I would not have any friends because I can't make friends on my own. I can't start conversations. Its too hard for me. So I wait for friends to come to me. I think as black women, we probably criticize each other more than anyone else so when a black woman sees me being quiet she thinks I am probably criticizing her and I am being conceited and that is far from the truth. So I understand what you are going through. I encourage you to contact me about your idea for forming a social group.
I am glad you are not alone. There are many black women who are suffering with anxiety disorders and don't share this with anyone because they fear being laughed at or made to feel like they're crazy. We just want to feel comfortable in social settings and free to express who we are!! I am so glad you wrote to me and your questions have opened my eyes to more topics for this blog.
Until then... (I WROTE THIS VERY QUICKLY SO PLEASE EXCUSE ANY SPELLING ERRORS, ETC...I WILL GO BACK AND EDIT IT LATER)
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
pssss!! guess what?
im back!!!! Happy 4th of July!!
I want to give a shout out to Najahface. Look her up on myspace, blogger, and youtube if you want to learn more about taking care of your lush, luxurious tight curls & natural nappy hair. She is awesome and I am learning a lot about loving myself in my natural state.
I now have a digital cam and will start my vlogging very soon. I think I am figuring it all out although I'm still as shy as can be. Its a start you guys. Trust me on this. I have felt knew spectrums of my anxiety in which I felt in control and I will share what I did with you all.
To all of you out there who are painfully shy, I will not stop until I figure this out and I will look up and share all the resources I find helpful with you all on my myspace page and on careplace.
Until then...
I want to give a shout out to Najahface. Look her up on myspace, blogger, and youtube if you want to learn more about taking care of your lush, luxurious tight curls & natural nappy hair. She is awesome and I am learning a lot about loving myself in my natural state.
I now have a digital cam and will start my vlogging very soon. I think I am figuring it all out although I'm still as shy as can be. Its a start you guys. Trust me on this. I have felt knew spectrums of my anxiety in which I felt in control and I will share what I did with you all.
To all of you out there who are painfully shy, I will not stop until I figure this out and I will look up and share all the resources I find helpful with you all on my myspace page and on careplace.
Until then...
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