COUNTDOWN...

It is already Feb. 23rd. I have 3 months and 14 days to get my sh*& together and live my life!!

soft spoken and effective

I picked up the latest copy of Sports Illustrated last night after work because Beyonce is on the cover. She is the 1st singer to be on the cover of the swimsuit edition! I admire her ambition and the talent that backs it up very much much!!

About every 3 years or so, there is a singer or actress that comes along that I tend to admire whole heartedly and use as an example for my life and right now that person is Beyonce. So is Tyra (who happened to have been the 1st African American model on that same cover!) and I'm also loving Oprah (as always) and my mother (as always)!!

In the past it has been Debbie Gibson, Tracie Spencer, and a few others.

I am also loving Susan Cagle!! She is a NY subway performer...she is a singer in general but I know of her from her performances in the subway. Susan is awesome because she is down to earth and her entire family is like that. I 1st saw her performing with her entire family years ago and I have followed her career ever since and now she performs solo. I have spoken to her a couple of times and one of her sisters as well. She seems quiet and reserved and SHY!! Which makes me admire her more because she is able to still perform and do her thang!!! I know I can still be soft spoken yet effectively live my dreams...not everyone has to be loud and talkative to make it...right?

President's day question

I am off on Monday for President's Day. Question...Why do you think it was an option for us to be off on Martin Luther King Jr's day but for President's Day it isn't? Anyway...I'm just glad to have a 3 day weekend this week.

Write to me. I am going to try and get an appt for Monday to see a therapist. My boyfriend is at his place making calls for me right now!!!

(i'm at work...until then...)

Oh I just wanted to share this with you all. The receptionist at my job is almost 90 and she is the cutest and most beautiful person I have ever met. She rocks!! Her personality is vibrant and fun yet mature and she is so witty. I love her. She is the mother of the CEO. The other day she came by my desk and told me that I am so beautiful and she told me I must have been a beautiful baby. I was blushing all over the place. I find her to be so interesting and I wonder what her life has been like. She once told me that she use to make baby girl dresses when she was younger and she added that she never had a baby girl of her own to give one to. And today I overheard her saying that she use to run her own business. She is awesome!!!!

I'm working overtime at work this evening. My boss left at 5 so I am able to write a little more than last time. I have not been staying at home (at my mom's much) so I don't really have a pc to use. I've been staying out but don't want to get into details abut that right now. I want to move ASAP. Its depressing being back home at the age of 29, you know? Plus my mom has the same strict rules and policies for me as she did when I was 10 years younger. I am going to an open house for an apartment on saturday, and from there i am going to check out a car w/ my boyfriend.

The process for finding an apartment was so much easier in Arizona. My boyfriend keeps talking about how he misses it out there. I do too but I'm not ready to go back. I have a lot to do in NY, I just need to Do it!!!

I'm looking over my shoulder from time to time as I write b/c there are still a few people left in the office.

Lately, I have been getting noticed a lot more by men. Its because I have lost about 17 lbs since moving back to NY and I haven't even been exercising or eating better. I'm walking more and going up and down subway stairs more but thats the nature of living in the city. I am planning a complete makeover...one that will be more sophisticated for me yet not "old" looking, if you will. I am thinking about getting a weave or cutting my hair into a short classic Halle Berry a la' 90's hairdo. Not sure which yet. I want to lose at least 30 more lbs by June. That's feasible. And I am slowly building a new wardrobe. Most of my clothes are black or brown and I need more variation in my life now. More color. I borrowed a striped beige and black scarf from my brother and traded my black one and it immediately "woke up" my look!

I am waiting on my laptop to arrive!!!!! I'm excited about that. That is my first real big purchase ever. I am also going to start studying the drivers handbook and take the test soon!!

I am looking to take an acting class still and still looking for a CBT (cognitive behavioral therapist))

I want you all to ask me questions about anything and I'll answer them all!!

Love you all for being there for me...if it were not for this blog...I'd be in serious trouble.

Until then...

at work...

I am at work right now and thought I'd sneak a blog entry. This will be short...don't want to get caught. Here is where I stand. That acting class was cancelled because not enough people registered. I am still waiting to hear about my insurance and I am still looking for a therapist at this moment. I am willing to pay out of pocket until I find out about my insurance.

I am behind in school work but catching up. I am excited about June because I am graduating, I turn 30, and I am launching my online magazine as a print magazine.

In the past weeks, I must confess...I self medicated with alcohol but not in the amounts I use to. I really need a therapist.

My niece turned 20 this week. I love her so much and am so glad she is outgoing and speaks her mind yet I do notice she has insecurities and I am going to try to do whatever it takes to help her get over them.

I don't want to get caught online so that is all for now...my laptop arrives in about 2-3 weeks so I will have more liberty to add entries to my blog. I miss you all and write to me!!!!

Until then...