Its almost midnight. I had a good day today. Still have problems but it was a good day. I had a few moments that almost triggered anxiety attacks but I breathed through them and tried to be a bit more supportive to myself.
My boss came by my cubicle...well almost-cubicle-like-desk-area and had a visitor. He was showing him how our computer database system works and he used me to demonstrate. I didn't have to do much I just sat there as he talked and I clicked on different windows. It was completely unexpected and I was not warned. After it was over (lasted only about 3 minutes) I started being hard on myself and wishing I had spoken up and said something clever, witty, or funny but somehow I stopped myself from letting it explode. As I think of it now, I still kinda wish I had did more but I am going to try and "hold my hand" through these times. I can't rely on anyone but me to get me through this and I can't expect anyone else to understand. I'm the only me there will ever be so I have to be more patient and loving to my own self.
Well I'm off to blogtalkradio to find a show to listen to as I dose off to sleep. Thanks for reading. I promised you that I'd start writing more and so far I've kept my word!!!
Remember the radio show is coming soon but I need feedback on time slots/days and the vlog is coming soon on Youtube. I have some amazing ideas for the vlog. I might not show my face for the first few vlogs b/c I'm very nervous about that but I will bring a lot of resourceful and creative ideas to you and I hope we can make this an interactive experience.
And let me reiterate that I empathize with all Shy people not just Black women but I feel that due to stereotypes about Black Women, many of us who are painfully shy are overlooked, feel alone, get wrongfully judged and more.
Until then...
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