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Saturday, August 26, 2006

My being shy & black throws people off...

I think it is important to explain why I feel the need to emphasize that I am shy and I am black. African Americans, Caribbeans, etc. have been stereotyped as being angry and loud and rude...etc. I am here to not only prove this is incorrect but to show the other side of it. I am very soft spoken and extremely kind...I should say...too kind. I am the other end of that spectrum. I keep my pain to myself most of the time and then I break down when I let it all build up. I do get angry...I am human...but I don't fit the stereotype. There are so many other black people like me and for some it is not an anxiety disorder...it is just their temperament. They are naturally soft spoken and choose to be quiet. But for me, I did not choose to be this way and I want to embody a healthy balance of being reserved and being social.

People meet me and they are thrown off. They are confused that I am not loud and extremely confident and they are baffled. I make others uncomfortable...i think. From my experience, I think people think I am weird and boring. I am actually into a lot of interesting activities and am a very fun person to be around if I were not soo shy...that is. I enjoy many things and have a spontaneous aura but it is very hard for me to act on these interests because I feel vulnerable in this aggressive society.

Thank God for blogging. I can get my feelings off my chest for once and connect with real people without the fear of being judged because I look a certain way or act shy, etc. I honestly feel that once I start getting comments and feedback, this will help me overcome my social anxiety. This is a small step but too me it is huge.

It will be interesting to see how blogging, along with the further help I plan to seek, will come together and treat my disorder. I was invited to my co-worker's apartment today for dinner. I am not sure if I will have it in me to go being that I didn't even have the courage to attend my teleprompter and acting workshop earlier today. (Read my previous blog from today) I would really love to go but my anxiety is too high just thinking about it. I go through this everytime a co-worker invites me to go out, etc. The opportunities for friendship are presented to me many times but because of my disorder I am not able to cultivate a friendship. I hope I am able to start accepting such invitations soon because I will be old and lonely if I don't get over this problem. To make it worse, the co-worker who invited me is very cool. I love her personality and I am surprised she invited me over. She is very personable and has sooo many friends at the job. I would hate to miss the opportunity to become her friend.

I welcome all comments because I need to hear from you all. I have never had the ability to build myself up to bringing up this topic to my friends but this is an opportunity to do so with virtual acquaintances and I am very grateful for this opportunity. It may save my life by allowing me to live my life.

(I don't know how to add links as a sidebar so I am inserting this link that I discovered here:)

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Blogs By Black Women

9 comments:

  1. Hi Shy,
    I think its a good idea to express yourself via Blog.
    I hope taking your classes helps you overcome your shyness. Dont worry if it doesnt happen over night. Just take each day at a time!
    Oh, i thought you might find this helpful, to help you insert links :) http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=41427

    xoxo
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  2. Thank you princess. I ended up not attending the class. I will write about what happened in my next blog. I wish I had gone. I am so grateful for your words and keep reading because this is goingto be such a hard journey for me. My anxiety is so deep rooted in lots of childhood pain and adult obstacles.

    Also, thanks for the link...I had a hard time trying to find help with that.
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  3. OMG.....I'm reading and reading...and I swear...YOU ARE ME. You're hittin' the nail on the head everytime....I know exactly what u're going thru...(especially w/ the friendship opportunities)....it's CRAZY! And in my career...you HAVE to make friends! My job would be so much easier if i wasn't so AFRAID! I'm SO GLAD you started this! I don't feel so alone now.
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  4. I really like reading your blog so far...I'm a shy black woman also, and it's almost like it's taboo to be black and shy, and you're treated like u have a rare condition or something
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  5. hi shy,

    I am you. I am you to a "T" I need help, but I don't know where to find it. I would like to try cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm desperate. Just knowing that there is someone out there who feels he way I do, helps alot.
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  6. Hi Shy,

    I just 'Googled" the following: "Black with social anxiety" and came across your blogspot. If only you knew how happy I am to read about the fact that I am not the only one feeling the way I do. I am also a black woman (28 years old) who is extremely talented and gifted but I've been struggling with social anxiety, which appears to be getting worse. Like you, I am perceived as being quiet, kind, and...even compliant. I've just started a new job/career in a small town. I am the only black person there. I can feel the way my co-workers almost get disappointed when they learn that I am not loud, funny, or aggressive like many black people are portrayed to be these days. It's almost as if being shy and Black is a bad combination. It's not so 'fun' anymore.

    You sound like an optimistic person. I am too. I still hang on to my dream of having fulfilling relationships with people. Just like you, I don't consider myself to be reserved. I want to have meaningful relationships with people but my social anxiety shields my true personality or my true soul and I can't get myself to connect with anybody. I think I have a bit of people-pleasing in me too, which doesn't help. I'm always disguising myself as a 'good girl' so people won't judge me.

    Like you, I get invited to my co-workers' parties, and I've attended a few of them...instead of relaxing and taking these opportunities to get to meet new people and learn about them, I tense up and don't offer a comment to anybody in fear of saying something ridiculous. Instead I just smile and laugh without offering much to the conversations that go on between the crowds of people. This leaves me feeling frustrated with myself.

    At work, people don't know me for who I really am. They see the 'mask' that i've created over the years as a result of social anxiety. They see a quiet, polite, black woman, who is probably emotionally immature, and who doesn'tlike to have a good time. But that's far from being me. My true close friends do not see me that way at all...that's why it's hard for them to see and understand that I have social anxiety.

    Anyway, I will stop writing now. I guess I got too excited about finding this blogspot..finally a place where I can relate. Thanks for this! We all need to support each other!
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  7. I am you, just a few years younger. Thank you for creating this blog and I wish you well :)
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  8. Secretsoul...I haven't heard from you in a while...hope you're still reading the blog!!
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